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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy something that i can wear again for a funeral?

28 replies

doubleginplease · 08/05/2016 21:36

I very sadly lost my beloved dad on Thursday just gone. It was very sudden, he literally fell whilst walking his dog and was 62. Naturally I am in pieces.

We don't know when the funeral is going to be but i have started to look at items for me to wear. The complicating factor is that I am 5 months pregnant. I know my dad wouldn't want me to waste money but I feel like i should have something special for his funeral. AIBU to buy something that i could wear again over the summer? maybe a black or blue wrap dress etc?

OP posts:

starry0ne · 08/05/2016 21:39

YANBU.. however I have found things I have worn to funerals I cannot wear again.. It is too emotionally connected to the clothing..

You may not feel the same way but be prepared you may.

Sorry for your loss.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 08/05/2016 21:40

I'm so sorry for your loss

Of course it would be fine to buy something you can wear again. Take care of yourself. It's a very difficult time.

formerbabe · 08/05/2016 21:40

So sorry for your loss

A dark coloured wrap dress sounds absolutely fine to me...I'd say whatever makes you feel most comfortable. Look after yourself

Buggers · 08/05/2016 21:41

Yanbu, although I agree you may not feel like you can wear it again.

so sorry for your loss must have been such a shock

Trills · 08/05/2016 21:43

I wholeheartedly wish that "maternity funeral wear" will not be a thing that you need often.

FadedRed · 08/05/2016 21:45

When my DF died, I hadn't the disposable income to buy an outfit I would not wear again, so got a navy blue suit and blouse suitable for work. For DM funeral I wore my black 'funeral' skirt and a long sleeve blouse I had owned for a couple of years, and bought a black coat (it was winter) that I will certainly wear again. They're just clothes.
Sorry for your loss

Original poster

doubleginplease · 08/05/2016 21:49

Its so hard to know what to wear. I've seen a few sale items but don't know if i should buy something a little more pricey. I was intending to sell all my maternity items on ebay after this pregnancy but don't think i could sell the dress i wore.

Yes it was a massive shock. I got told he had a heart attack at work and had to drive 3 hours and then was told he was dead :-( my 18 month old DD was with him, my mum and his dog. My poor mum had to try and do CPR. Ambulance and air ambulance arrived 20 mins later and he was gone :-(

OP posts:

Blankiefan · 08/05/2016 21:54

So sorry to hear your story. My thoughts are with you.

On a practical note:
m.seraphine.com/navy-tie-back-maternity-dress.html

I bought a few seraphine pieces when pregnant and they were smart, versatile and comfortable.

BaronessBomburst · 08/05/2016 22:00

I'm so sorry for your loss.

BillBrysonsBeard · 08/05/2016 22:05

So sorry for your loss OP, I lost my dad but can't imagine how it feels for it to be so sudden Take care of yourself

APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/05/2016 11:42

I had to attend two funerals when pregnant. It's natural to want to support everyone but try to be selfish. Make sure you get enough sleep and rest, and food!

From a clothing perspective, I bought a dress similar to this one Black maternity dress

Actually, John Lewis has quite a good selection of black maternity or nursing dresses.

JsOtherHalf · 09/05/2016 11:50

I borrowed clothes for my mum's funeral. I didn't want to have to see them again.

What about a larger size wrap dress from ebay, with a maternity camisole?

Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:02

There are no rules about buying something just for a funeral . Some people like to do this, while others prefer to wear something they already own that their loved one liked .

Others , like you , perhaps buy something that their loved one would have approved of - you said you dad wouldn't have wanted you to waste money . So each time that you wear the outfit you can think of him - not of the sad time of his funeral but of all the times he showed how he loved you by giving you practical support .

So if it's a work dress, think how proud he was of your job and how well you have done for yourself .

I guess you know that unless it's an extremely formal funeral, you don't need to wear black . Anything plain , darkish and smart will do . Navy, grey , dark green, brown , dark purple etc are all fine , if any of these colours suit you better and you are more likely to wear again .

omgoap · 09/05/2016 12:04

So sorry to hear this. I hope you are ok.

For my mums funeral I bought a dress I loved and have worn many times since - I know she would have wanted to me to get something I really liked.

Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:08

Remember to look after yourself physically on the day , especially if it's hot . Don't forget to eat , evem if you don't feel like it. Take a small bottle of water in your handbag . Make sure you sit down when you can .

I had my sons funeral when I was 4 months pg and was also still BF my 13 month old . It can be quite a physical ordeal, as the grief saps so much of your energy .

I know you will want to do everything you can to support your mother on the day, but you need to let others step up and help out , like your aunts and uncles , your siblings and perhaps your DH.

Original poster

doubleginplease · 09/05/2016 12:09

Aplaceonthecouch- that IO dress is lovely but would make my boobs look humoungous. Oddly my bump has popped out over the past couple of days and i look more 30 weeks pregnant now.

DM and DH aren't wearing black, but navy blue. This is actually quite appropriate as my dad ...everything he wore was blue.....with a hint of red. I hate wearing black as it makes me look really ill as I am very fair with blonde hair.

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Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:12

I attended the funeral of a very stylish lady who was famous among her friends and colleagues for her red shoes ( usually ridiculously high for a teacher on her feet all day ! ) . Lots of the women wore red shoes, or a scarf and the men wore red ties or a red buttonhole . She would certainly have approved .

Original poster

doubleginplease · 09/05/2016 12:14

Kr1stina- I am so sorry to hear that. You poor thing.

My DB is hopeless. He's not very nice to my parents as a rule, he's a bit of a user. he's always after money and mum and dad had bailiffs turn up to their house for one of his debts shortly before my dad died. He's staying with her at the moment and text me at 2am the night after he died saying 'Get me a job in xxx'. I've helped him many times and then got a barrage of abuse (another long story) and my DF actually told me not to bother helping him again so I declined (which feels harsh but theres only so much you can give 1 individual) he then sent me a text saying 'my life is worthless and I'm heartbroken and you've left me to care for our devastated mother' (i left overnight to go home and sleep) then followed by 'take your face for a shit'.

OP posts:

Original poster

doubleginplease · 09/05/2016 12:14

kr1stina- I love that!!!

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:14

A navy dress would be perfect then. Or if you can't find one you like, navy smart trousers and a nice top ( which you can wear to work ) . You could do a small touch of red like earrings or a necklace or even red nail polish .

Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:18

Sorry I missed the bit about your " useless " brother ( I think I would use a harsher word for him ) .

So he's off the list of support people - what about your mothers siblings ? And your DH?

Original poster

doubleginplease · 09/05/2016 12:22

My DH is wonderful. He arrived on the scene and helped the ambulance crew to try and resus my DF and helped them break my news to my DM. He then took her to the local hospital where they told me (i was driving thinking i was going there to see a sick father). he's been wonderful.

My 'D'B has already go my DM to insure him on my DF's car and has gone home to 'get some clothes' in it. He then proudly told my mum he'd got it up to 100pmh despite my mum asking him specifically not to speed. When she asked him why he shrugged and said 'because i can'. Of course he's got away with this sort of stuff all his life hence why he's like he is. I can't wait for him to go home, especially as he told my mum that he's an 'alcoholic' the day after my DF died (he's not an alcoholic).

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 09/05/2016 12:34

I'm glad your Dh is such a support to you and your mum at this time .

And your brother sounds a self centred shit TBH

whois · 09/05/2016 12:36

I think its totally fine - I wear my normal work wear to funerals. I don't have a special suit that I only wear to funerals so I can't see the difference between that and buying something specifically for this and other things because you need something new.

Original poster

doubleginplease · 09/05/2016 19:28

He is incredibly self centred. Its worrying that he can wrap our DM around his little finger and now she's left with the money my Dad had worked hard for.

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