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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU friends left my party early

111 replies

edukate · 08/05/2016 10:36

At My daughters 21st party, four friends arrived late, the room was hot so we had doors open. One friend asked me to close the doors as she was cold (she's always cold and arrived in something that looked like pyjamas) I said no as everyone else was too hot and maybe she should move to another spot. She obviously wasn't happy and they all left an hour later- she was driving apparently. I feel that she was unreasonable and am totally pissed off with the others as they left with her. Haven't spoke to them since.

OP posts:
Littlelondoner · 09/05/2016 12:48

Maybe she saw you where busy or having fun surrounded by loads of people and thought ahh she is clearly ok with the whole ex hubbys new gf thing . We can slip away now and leave the youngsters to it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/05/2016 16:31

Maybe she just didn't want to come in the first place, I wouldn't. I mean, friend's daughter's 21st? Full of young people and family that isn't yours? As a middle-aged woman that would be my idea of hell and I would turn up as would be scared a refusal would offend. (Clearly it would have here). Problem is, staying for an hour also offended. Your friend couldn't win either way.

By the way, your thread title refers to it being your party. It wasn't. It was your daughter's. There really was no obligation for YOUR friends to come or stay very long at all.

Buckinbronco · 09/05/2016 16:36

I get you OP. Parties are stressful and expensive and it feels rude and unsupportive when people who are good friends can't be bothered to make an effort. It makes you feel very uncared for.

Buckinbronco · 09/05/2016 16:43

I don't know why everyone is being so unkind. its not unusual at all to throw a big family and friends party for a 18th or 21st or retirement or whatever. Then the youngs can go out another time and get battered and consume legal highs.

Some people actually like spending time with their extended friends and family Shock

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 09/05/2016 17:46

Can't believe this is even a thread. Why are people so judgemental of each other. Maybe your friends were being polite coming to your daughter's 21st birthday party and only planned to pop in. It wasn't your party after all and maybe they didn't want to cramp your daighter's style.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/05/2016 18:50

Yes, Bronco, people DO like soending time with their extended family and friends. But the OP doesn't say this is a friend of the family as such and therefore of her DD, she says it's HER friend. If she had specifically mentioned to her friend that she was dreading the party and the friend had promised to be there to hold her hand then fair enough, the friend was shit to bail early. But it doesn't sound like that was the case (from the little detail given)

Buckinbronco · 09/05/2016 19:10

I'd be pissed off if my close friends came to My party late, whinged about the temperature then left after an hour. What kind of friend does that? I would say a selfish one but tbh I'm always the one getting let down like this whilst always making the effort to go to my friends parties and enjoy them. I don't want to travel across London on the train or do stupid hen night activities or have cheese and wine parties with their dull work mates but it's just what friends do don't they? Make an effort

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 09/05/2016 21:34

I wouldn't stay long at someone's 21st, I wouldn't expect that Id really be wanted that long. I would assume that the adults were meant to bugger off after a bit and leave the young ones to it. Grin

Achingallover · 09/05/2016 23:13

Get a life .... What are you doing hanging around at your daughters 21st? Talk about cramping her style .....

iMogster · 11/05/2016 14:30

I'm always cold easily, so I take an extra layer just in case. If they had enjoyed party the other guests would have stayed and taken taxi together. Sounds like they used the lift as a get out excuse. They didn't want to say they didn't want to stay, to save your feelings.

Put this behind you and carry on your friendships. It sounds like you need them after your break up. Seeing your ex move on and be with someone else is hard.

Ekchicago · 11/05/2016 18:54

I am totally on your side but when I read the comments and saw it wasn't too clear cut I had to write. I do hate the type of personality that makes demands the second they show up. It's high maintenance and immediately irritating as there are others to consider but this type of personality seems so narcissistic that I don't care to cater to that. I would have done the same thing you did and I would have felt just as slighted too. I'm a sensitive girl who expects a certain kind of consideration from my friends because I always give it. I wouldn't be immediately demanding to a party I just showed up at, late too. It's like she had a hissy fit and left because she didn't get her way, her friend didn't drop everything, i.e. all her other friends and guests to accommodate her. So I see your hurt feelings, but I wouldn't stop taking to them. People are insensitive these days and very much into themselves unfortunately, but you not talking to them any longer only makes you look petty.

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