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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU friends left my party early

111 replies

edukate · 08/05/2016 10:36

At My daughters 21st party, four friends arrived late, the room was hot so we had doors open. One friend asked me to close the doors as she was cold (she's always cold and arrived in something that looked like pyjamas) I said no as everyone else was too hot and maybe she should move to another spot. She obviously wasn't happy and they all left an hour later- she was driving apparently. I feel that she was unreasonable and am totally pissed off with the others as they left with her. Haven't spoke to them since.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 19:43

I suspect, if they could have got a taxi, but chose not to, then the atmosphere was bad enough that they felt they would take the excuse to leave.

Going to a 21st birthday party is a bit of a chore for adults anyway. They may have felt they were cramping the youngsters style and were just putting in a duty appearance anyway.

Pearlman · 08/05/2016 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceRoadDucker · 08/05/2016 21:08

In fact, I'm always moaning about the fact that people that feel the heat get pandered after.

Because it's so much easier to warm up (jumper, blanket, whatever) than cool down. I'm bewildered that some people in this thread don't understand that.

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 21:15

I'm a bit dubious anybody could actually have been that hot to be honest. I mean, we've had some nice weather, but the evenings are still very cool. I'm not sure, at a party at a venue (rather than in someone's home) many people would feel comfortable being expected to sit under blankets.

Narp · 08/05/2016 21:21

Well all the context was important, so I don't know why you didn't mention it straight off. Seems she's not the supportive friend you want.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 08/05/2016 21:27

It was a party for your daughter, not you. What is important is were her friends there? I can't imagine she would particularly care about your friends being there.

Nothing about your daughter in any of this, all about you. Hard to believe it was her party!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/05/2016 21:27

Sorry but im only 30 and would absolutely hate to go to a 21st the only thing worse I can think of is a 18th and 16th! They came and stayed a while I don't think you can moan about that tbh.

Keely93 · 08/05/2016 21:38

I'm always hot, but my mum is always cold and when she feels it really bad it makes her grumpy, I wouldn't worry about it

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/05/2016 21:42

IceRoadDucker no it is not. Not if you are truly cold. It is so infuriating that people cannot grasp putting a jumper on will warm you up if you are thoroughly cold. You can fan yourself if you're warm. That is a hell of a lot easier.

cecinestpasunepipe · 08/05/2016 21:52

I think you might just possibly be a tiny bit justified in feeling mildly miffed, but YBU to be totally pissed off. Very overdramatic!

WhatamessIgotinto · 08/05/2016 22:54

To arrive late and leave early is vile imo. If someone invites you, you go. It's rude not to. An hour was an insult.

Goodness, some people really do get in a state about the most ridiculous things. Vile? A little bit of an over reaction I think ...

BadLad · 09/05/2016 00:09

Older adults hanging around a 21st birthday party probably isn't the birthday's idea of a cool party anyway, especially if they're wrapped up in a blanket.

Thank God you don't have a housecoat.

whois · 09/05/2016 11:01

They came, they didn't enjoy it loads, they went home.

They probably didn't want to cramp the 21st birthday party style anyway! Its for your D not for you.

Londonladybird · 09/05/2016 11:02

springy you sound like a lovely friend to have
OP - YANBU - a friend should should stay a while at a party they've agreed to attend . Even if party is crap (sure yours wasn't ) it's basic manners, especially at a time you needed moral support

2016Hopeful · 09/05/2016 11:08

I think I get you. Throwing a 21st is a big deal. You recently divorced from ex who is coming with new partner. Your friends are aware of this and no doubt aware of all the organisation and cost a big party takes. You are upset they left early as you were depending on them for moral support and it sounds like they knew this.

I think the response on here are a bit mean. Of course you are going to attend your child's 21st if you have paid for it!!! Otherwise, they can just go out clubbing with their friends.

PerryHatter · 09/05/2016 11:09

Doesn't fanning yourself just end up warming you up even more through the exercise

The party would've emptied if they'd shut the door for one cold person. Nobody wants to go to a party all dolled up and then end up sweating their makeup off and feeling grubby through heat.

TheNaze73 · 09/05/2016 11:10

With what info, you've posted you've made this sound about you. YABU

gabbyevs · 09/05/2016 11:11

you can fan yourself yeah like that works!

i suffer in the heat i can pass out theres nothing worse-the op offered her a blanket if you missed that point

dont take it t heart-if u know shes a moaner i afriad she would have found any excuse to leave maybe she doent like someone else getting the attention

urkidding · 09/05/2016 11:13

Would you have said that to one of your friends at a party?

MackerelOfFact · 09/05/2016 11:17

It's a party, not a hostage situation. People can leave whenever they like!

If you'd been a slightly more accommodating host and they were having a better time, perhaps they might have stayed longer. But perhaps they just had other stuff to do. Don't take offence.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/05/2016 11:26

Ah, ok. So you wanted your friends there as moral support but your friend made it about her being cold and then left, leaving you with no moral support.

Taking all the adults at a 21st and people can stay as long as they want at a party out of it then I don't think YABU to feel upset that she put feeling cold above the fact that you were having a difficult evening and wanted some friends round about you.

Don't invite her to anything where you need moral support again and feel free to say to the friends that left, that you felt vulnerable because ex and his new partner were there. A decent friend will apologise and you can all move on.

Winterbiscuit · 09/05/2016 11:39

YANBU to keep the doors open and cool air coming in. If people are too hot there are only so many clothes they can take off, whereas someone cold can put on a cardigan/wrap. Doesn't everyone bring something like that with them in case or am I getting old?

MsHoolie · 09/05/2016 11:45

YABU

You should have offered her a pashmina
It was your daughter's 21st not your 50th so why the drama? They can leave when they want.
You are not talking to her? WTF? How old are you?

You come across like a complete drama queen.
Chill out.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 09/05/2016 11:53

Maybe your party was boring?

Lpel · 09/05/2016 11:58

You wanted the party to be perfect for everyone including you (as presumably you'd planned it etc) and were probably stressed and emotional so you may have been feeling over-sensitive. Yes YABU but it's done now. Move on, put it behind you, and forget about it as everyone surely has. Don't lose a friend over it.

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