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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU friends left my party early

111 replies

edukate · 08/05/2016 10:36

At My daughters 21st party, four friends arrived late, the room was hot so we had doors open. One friend asked me to close the doors as she was cold (she's always cold and arrived in something that looked like pyjamas) I said no as everyone else was too hot and maybe she should move to another spot. She obviously wasn't happy and they all left an hour later- she was driving apparently. I feel that she was unreasonable and am totally pissed off with the others as they left with her. Haven't spoke to them since.

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 08/05/2016 12:21

You would think a person that feels the cold would be the type to carry layers so they can up the ante if needed.

I don't think they were necessarily rude to leave provided they thanked you for the invite and made their excuses as they did so. That is just good manners.

ShatnersBassoon · 08/05/2016 12:26

Parties for older people don't really have set times do they? You can leave before the majority do if you're not quite getting into the party spirit.

It's worse having an unhappy guest sitting it out to be polite than to lose a few guests a bit early.

BoatyMcBoat · 08/05/2016 12:28

I feel the cold horribly, I think I have a problem with regulating my body temp. Unfortunately, I can't wear loads of clothes as it is too heavy, and I can't remain standing or move my limbs (it sounds ridiculous, but I have ms and it affects me in some very annoying ways). I have over the years collected lots of light but warm clothing. In your cold friend's place, I would become very unhappy but would move before it went that far so I wasn't in a draught.

OTOH, if she's the driver, then she decides when to go, so the 3 with her didn't have much choice. No point being annoyed with them.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 08/05/2016 12:31

If she was a) cold and b) wearing pyjamas then chances are she was ill.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/05/2016 13:14

Sounds like she was polite enough to go and show face even though she couldn't really be bothered. She could have messaged with an excuse or just not showed up at all.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 08/05/2016 13:19

She came. Thats fulfilling her agreement when she accepted the invitation. You dont get to dictate how long guests stay. She came, she showed her face, and tbh sounds like she didnt want o be there so was coming out of politeness to you as her friend. So she came, stayed whilst uncomfortable for some time then left. She owed you no more than that.

MrsJayy · 08/05/2016 13:24

Tbh a 21st birthday party of a non family member is probably not anybodies idea of fun your friend came was cold probably feeling miserable and left you would have been moaning if she stayed and had a face like a smacked arse all night.

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 13:27

Maybe your party was just crap?

WhatamessIgotinto · 08/05/2016 13:29

Maybe she didn't feel comfortable in your home. I like to make guests feel comfortable.

DuchessDaisy · 08/05/2016 13:29

Op I think you should call the police immediately. How dare someone leave a party

AugustaFinkNottle · 08/05/2016 13:43

Maybe the people who were hot should have worn less clothes?

It doesn't really work when there are a load of people in the room raising the temperature. If this party happened in the South, it would have felt hot even if you were wearing the minimum.

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 14:00

It doesn't really work when there are a load of people in the room raising the temperature. If this party happened in the South, it would have felt hot even if you were wearing the minimum.

I tend to still feel cold in crowds.

EponasWildDaughter · 08/05/2016 14:08

Oh gawd this isn't going to be another one of those OP Posts and then everyone guesses at the details for hours and hours threads is it?

So many of these at the mo it seems.

(been here too long)

treaclesoda · 08/05/2016 14:19

I had no idea that people thought it rude not to stay to the end of a party. I always thought it was polite to leave early so that you didn't outtstay your welcome.

Socialising is a terrifying minefield.

treaclesoda · 08/05/2016 14:20

Although I think we're all missing the big MN question here, which is 'Did the guests remove their shoes? '

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 14:21

treacle neither did I.

springydaffs · 08/05/2016 17:05

Whether a party is 'crap' or not, you stay to show support for your friend - who has gone to all the trouble of throwing a party. You don't just dip in and out when you feel like it. It's not a restaurant/club but a private party.

To arrive late and leave early is vile imo. If someone invites you, you go. It's rude not to. An hour was an insult.

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 17:08

Whether a party is 'crap' or not, you stay to show support for your friend - who has gone to all the trouble of throwing a party. You don't just dip in and out when you feel like it.

Yes you do. You're all adults, there's not a time, you just spend as much time there as you're comfortable with/as you want to.

I'm glad I'm not friends with people who are so uptight and anal about parties.

Narp · 08/05/2016 17:14

I think this is one of the best things about being an adult:

Being allowed to leave parties when you want to

springydaffs · 08/05/2016 17:27

And I'm glad I'm not friends with people who are cavalier about their friends' social events.

It is very insulting to stay an hour.

When my kids were growing up, no-one threw a party because people didn't come if they 'didn't feel like it' or, rather, something better came along. So endless food went to waste; not to mention the crushing reality for the kids that no-one bothered to come, or stayed for a derisory length of time. So no-one dared have an 18th or a 21st - or any party for any reason - because they (rightly) couldn't cope with the potential rejection. Parties in that circle died out because of this - parties not just for the kids but their parents, too, who had the same attitude. To cite 'they are adults' is missing the point entirely. If they are adults they should know to treat their friends with respect.

I'm not saying you have to stay until the very dregs but, yes, you show support to your friend who has put so much effort into it. NOt to mention money. Throwing a party is a huge deal for the host in terms of time and money. And people toddle along - IF they feel like it - like they're doing the host a huge favour - or don't bother because there's a good film on the telly. Or they are 'cold' because the door is open. ffs. Go somewhere warm, then.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/05/2016 18:18

Springy, I can hazard a guess as to why no one wanted to come to your party.

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 18:23

Springy maybe no one wanted to go because you're so serious and uptight about parties! You sound like the type that would have an activity schedule and allocated seating.

I'm not a big party goer anyway (would rather watch Netflix, does that make me a heinous villain in your world?) but whenever any of our circle have parties, they're very relaxed events that you can dip in and out of. Everyone has a good time. And no one spends a lot of money on it - a few drinks and snacks doesn't cost a lot.

Original poster

edukate · 08/05/2016 18:45

Ok so a few more details, the party was at a very nice venue, my friend wasnt ill - shes always moaning about something and likes people to jump to her tune, we invited friends and family, im not long divorced and my ex was bringing new partner so i needed support, i offered my friend a blanket which she just looked at, i feel the others didnt have to dance to her tune this time as the venue was only 15 mins away from our village and they could have got a taxi between 5 of them.

All opinions valued, i found it pretty rude that they came late, ate food and free drinks then left an hour after she complained as we had gone to a lot of trouble and numbers were limited. I dont really mind that they left early but one of them said she was sorry as she left but had no choice!

OP posts:

BeckysMediocreHair · 08/05/2016 19:09

You invited your friends to your daughter's 21st?

curren · 08/05/2016 19:27

So you threw a party for your Dd and invited a load of your own friends, for moral support....for you. Not because you or your Dd actually wanted them there to celebrate her birthday.

If she is such a crappy friend, why would you want her there for moral support?

And are complaining they didn't want to stay for the whole thing?

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