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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU friends left my party early

111 replies

edukate · 08/05/2016 10:36

At My daughters 21st party, four friends arrived late, the room was hot so we had doors open. One friend asked me to close the doors as she was cold (she's always cold and arrived in something that looked like pyjamas) I said no as everyone else was too hot and maybe she should move to another spot. She obviously wasn't happy and they all left an hour later- she was driving apparently. I feel that she was unreasonable and am totally pissed off with the others as they left with her. Haven't spoke to them since.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 08/05/2016 11:01

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable.

Seems like people think they're doing you a favour to turn up (if previous posts are anything to go by); that it's your job to make sure everyone is happy ie provide a service. And if they don't like it they can take off, like you're a restaurant or something.

Vile imo. They were horrible to arrive late and leave early.

ChicRock · 08/05/2016 11:01

Your guest made you aware she was uncomfortable.

You offered a solution.

She left the party after a while. Friends presumably had to leave with her if they wanted a lift.

None of you were unreasonable until you got to the bit where you're pissed off at them for leaving - that makes you unreasonable.

AndNowItsSeven · 08/05/2016 11:16

You were very rude and shut have shut the door.

EastMidsMummy · 08/05/2016 11:25

If a grown adult can't dress themselves properly to stay warm, it's not your problem.

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 11:27

Springy so what's the minimum requirement an autonomous adult has to stay at a party for to not be "vile"?

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2016 11:30

Also, are you assuming they left the party due to her being cold, or do you know it for a fact?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 08/05/2016 11:32

Well, if she's "always" cold that suggests she wasn't putting it on at this occasion to be awkward/leave early. Maybe she has Raynaud's syndrome.

You don't sound as if you like your friend much.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 08/05/2016 11:33

And I don't understand why you were pissed off with the others if they had to leave with her because they were dependent on her for a lift.

AndNowItsSeven · 08/05/2016 11:36

EastMids the guest probably assumed the door wouldn't be flung open.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/05/2016 11:39

I think I'd have offered a blanket or a jumper. I often do here if we happen to be sitting outside and anyone looks as if they might feel the need.
OTOH I know one or two,people who always complain of being cold, yet don't seem able to grasp that it might just help if they wore warm enough things.

At an extended family do last year one of them who says 'I'm always cold' was wearing a short thin dress with no tights, and hadn't brought any kind of cover up. She's a supposedly intelligent person, but you do sometimes wonder. Just as well someone was able to lend something.

Never mind the sort of people - English people FGS who were born here and should understand our weather by now - who come to a do they KNOW is going to be largely out of doors, and because it was so sunny earlier, came in the sort of things you'd wear in a Spanish summer and didn't bring any sort of cover-up. 'Oh, I thought it was going to be really hot!'

I mean, how long do you have to live here to know that our weather is so often unpredictable?

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/05/2016 11:40

YABU.

If she was uncomfortable I can understand why she left. I am dreadful for feeling the cold - I can be in thick socks, tights under my trousers and at least one jumpers whilst everyone else is in T-shirts or summer dresses. I don't know why I get cold so easily but for me the sort of draught from an open window or door is particularly bad so in that kind of situation I might also get to the point of having to leave.

Obviously your aim is to keep everyone happy and comfortable so I understand why you kept the doors open but I also see why somebody who is feeling very chilly wouldn't want to stay longer than an hour or so. It sounds unfortunate she was the driver and so the others also had to leave but nothing unreasonable about it.

AugustaFinkNottle · 08/05/2016 11:52

You were very rude and shut have shut the door.

Assuming that should be "should", why? Why make all the other guests uncomfortable?

Originalfoogirl · 08/05/2016 11:54

I rarely stay at parties til the end. Especially if it's loud as my hearing isn't great so conversation can be difficult.

Is there some acceptable time to leave? Is ten minutes early ok? Or half an hour?

If my friends left a party early, I'd just think they hadn't particularly enjoyed it, and as they were my guests I'd feel bad I hadn't made them more welcome. Perhaps a youngster's 21st birthday party just isn't their idea of a great time. I'm not really a fan of disco + buffet + bar type affairs. If I were invited to this kind of event, not sure I'd have stayed longer than an hour. If that makes me rude or ungrateful or miserable or whatever it is your friends have done wrong according to you, then so be it.

Dellarobia · 08/05/2016 11:56

YANBU to leave the door open, but it was up to her when she wanted to leave.

Enjoyingthepeace · 08/05/2016 11:56

An adult party and she was uncomfortable.

Yabu

specialsubject · 08/05/2016 11:59

people who suffer with the cold should put more clothes on. Those that feel the heat can only strip off so far.

but there's no clocking off time for an adult party, and sulking/ignoring is playground behaviour.

you both want your heads knocking together.

Lilaclily · 08/05/2016 12:00

I guess your house was full of 21 year olds so maybe they felt a bit out of place ?

EastMidsMummy · 08/05/2016 12:04

EastMids the guest probably assumed the door wouldn't be flung open.

LOL at "flung open".

The door was open because it was too hot.

FutureGadgetsLab · 08/05/2016 12:10

The door was open because it was too hot.

Maybe the people who were hot should have worn less clothes?

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/05/2016 12:10

people who suffer with the cold should put more clothes on. Those that feel the heat can only strip off so far.

That's true, but there is a limit to how many clothes you can wear, especially if you're not at home. If I was driving to an indoor party I wouldn't expect it to be that cold so I wouldn't necessarily bring gloves or thick socks (my hands and feet get particularly cold) or a warm hat but if the door was open and I was sitting in a draught I might need these things. I find the cold to be worst when I am sat still and when there is a draught from outside and after an hour or so of being chilly I can understand why somebody who gets cold easily would need to leave.

MrsDeVere · 08/05/2016 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 08/05/2016 12:14

Seeing as it was your daughter's party and not yours, was she bothered? Not sure what it has to do with you really.

I have an illness where I can't regulate my body temperature and I'm nearly always cold with the occasional sweats before being freezing again. Sitting being freezing would have made me feel ill and miserable and as she was the driver, its natural to assume the others had a lift with her. YABVU.

Lunar1 · 08/05/2016 12:15

She came to the party, stayed for an hour while she was uncomfortable and then left. I think that's fair enough. What right do you think you have to dictate she must stay regardless?

MadMags · 08/05/2016 12:17

Your friends turned up to a 21st. Stayed for an hour and then left.

What exactly did they do wrong??

NannawifeofBaldr · 08/05/2016 12:20

So she came, presumably brought a present and wished the birthday girl Happy Birthday, and then slipped out after an hour.

How is this unreasonable? She didn't (from what you've said) make a big fuss. She stayed a reasonably polite amount of time. Would you have preferred that a guest in your house was uncomfortable all evening?

As for the "not speaking" - that's what 13 yos do, not adults surely?

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