to let DS(10) carry the baby

[JC23]

DH (who I often call Mr Health & Safety) doesn't like it when DS(10) picks up the baby (6 months) to play with him at home.
AIBU to think the risk of him dropping the baby is minimal and that it's important for them to bond and play together despite the big age gap?
Would you let a ten year old carry a baby about? (At home only)

Yanbu. Kids rise to responsibility.

I would let him, under supervision of course, until I was sure he was confident. Mr H&S needs to relax. Older siblings have been caring for their younger brothers and sisters since time began!

I let my three year old carry the baby. We practised together. She was probably more careful than I was. Their bobd is amazing.

My 10yo has a baby cousin. Not quite the same but I usually advise 10yo to sit on sofa and hold baby. I would be careful, particularly if you have a very hard tiled floor or similar that the baby could be dropped onto and hit head.

It depends on the 10-year-old. If he's not likely to be careless or rough, absolutely he should be allowed to pick up the baby.

I once let a 7-year-old carry my baby for a short while (years ago, not a sibling) because I knew the kid to be responsible and not over excitable. This was with a big group of people I knew and most of them had really shocked faces. Everything was fine.

One more point - we're primates, physical bonding is important.

My son was 9 when my younger son was born. We still joke that its amazing that DS2 can actually walk because DS1 carried him around pretty much for the first 3 years of his life. Its lovely that he wants to be involved and I would encourage it especially with the age gap. They are now 23 and 14 and have a fab relationship.

Agree with PP that it completely depends on the child.

I have two nephews of this age. One of them, absolutely. The other, absolutely not!

YANBU. People used to leave 10 year olds in charge of infants all the time! Tell DH that 100 years ago, DS would have been running his own loom in the mills AND minding his ten siblings on his afternoon off.

I'd let him carry it anywhere tbh.

I suspect the average 10 year old is far less clumsy than I am, and they still let me carry babies around. I hardly ever drop them.

Have you taught DS how to carry baby safely, and does DH know this? I only ask because although I wouldn't say I'm overly anxious, I do like to assess risks and know that others have done the same. So perhaps all your DH needs is to know that DS knows to be careful and is sticking to whatever rules you've decided, eg not on hard floors, not up and down stairs. If I'm worried about something, and my DH just tells me "it'll be fine", it makes me think he's not actually thought it through and I get really annoyed. Does that make any sense?

I let my 3 year old sit on the sofa holding his baby sister. I would hope a 10 year old would be capable of a bit more than that...

At 10 I was babysitting my newborn baby sister.

A bit extreme, yes.

But a 10 YO not holding a 6 month old? Your DH is nuts.

Definitly depends on the child, our nearly 8yo is great with our newborn and I have no problem with him (under supervision) looking after him and I suspect he'd be fine carrying him when a bit older, but some of his friends I wouldn't let near the baby with a barge pole.

Dd1 was 10 and dd2 was 7 when dd3 was born and they both held her all the time. They were a massive help and would cuddle her/play with her while I had a quick shower or made the dinner. Almost two years on they have a great relationship with her and still pick her up constantly - she loves it!

YANBU.

The baby is a baby. A 10 year old is not.

If a 10 year old cannot be trusted to not be rough with their baby sibling, then you've got big problems.

10 years and 6 months? Absolutely fine unless 6 month old is especially fragile for a medical reason...

I let my 7yo Dd pick up carry the baby at home but not on stairs

I think it's OK but not on stairs.

I'd trust your judgment. I've got 2 boys about that age; one I happily let carry my toddler (and when he was a baby) and the other (18 months younger) I'd be more cautious about!!!

It's a funny one, a 10yo is old enough not to harm a baby for sure but I am not sure they actually understand the implications of a fall on the head for example. Not sure if his makes sense but I don't think they actually get what a fall can mean for a young baby. So yes I would let but under supervision or on the sofa

How are they meant to bond if they don't get to know each other properly. Keeping the ten year old at arms length will just cause jealousy.

My 8 year old has carried her baby sister ever since baby could sit up confidently & be put down into sitting position...around 8-9 months. Now at 19 months she's carried around quite a bit by her big sister though not allowed on the stairs. I think supervised & gradual is a safe approach & it does help with bonding though I wouldn't say it's essential. Big sis loves to show off to friend though.

He is bu.

As long as your DS is sensible i don't see the issue. My eldest is 9 and she picks up our 7 month old and plays with him and cuddles him

I would, I think it's important for bonding.

But I let dd1 hold baby dd2 when she was not quite 2. It was totally worth it, it helped her feel involved at what could have been a difficult time.

I would allow, just so long as he is reasonably careful. Babies are pretty tough after all!

There is an eight year age gap between me and one of my sisters. I still remember how lovely it was when I was cuddling her and she fell asleep when she was about 6 months old. And later when she fell over running down the road and my mum was a bit of a way behind. She hugged me so hard (until mum came up and she swapped over!) And I remember thinking, wow, this is what it must be like to be a mum and have a little one depend on and love you so much, and that I wanted to be a mum one day.

I loved picking her up from school when i wqs a teenager and being the wise older sister, especially as I was definitely not one of the cool ones at my school and my self esteem was rock bottom. Of course she was annoying sometimes but it was such a valuable relationship (still is) and started from me being allowed to take some small bits of appropriate caring/responsibility when she was little.