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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 15:48

Their own children! Crazy

whois · 06/05/2016 15:50

I'd have left and gone and found some food in a nearby pub/cafe/suoermarket. And then probably wouldn't have gone back.

MrsJayy · 06/05/2016 15:51

Do you think they went for a sneaky lunch instead of photos bet they did

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2016 15:51

Yes op pack a little cool bag next time Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2016 15:52

People will certainly be talking about the wedding for all the wrong reasons.

Balletgirlmum · 06/05/2016 15:55

I'd have had to have left because I'd have been feeling ill well before 9pm. Accounting for a late substantial breakfast & the scone I would probably have made it to 5-6pm before starting to feel sick & faint.

It's not on.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 15:55

Seriously, I think food was the main focus of our wedding. That and apparently jagar bombs but that want planned Grin

BaskingTrout · 06/05/2016 15:57

like aeroflotgirl and other PP have said, the sad thing is in 10 years time, when you remember back to what should have been a lovely day, all you are going to remember is "oh god, the scone!"

I kept my spending on lots of things at my wedding to a minimum, in order that I would have more money to spend on food (and drink). I couldn't bare the though of my family and friends feeling like I hadn't given them enough.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 15:57

I wouldn't mind not being fed if we knew in advance, same with paying for own food. To have some guests that couldn't eat at all is appalling. They really more than unreasonable to expect people to barely eat all day

Balletgirlmum · 06/05/2016 16:01

I remember food being one of the most important things st my wedding. We'd recently attended my cousins engagement party at the same hotel & dh was SO impressed by the whole salmon on the buffet he insisted he wanted one of those.

I wAnted a roast beef dinner.

Everything else (except the music) was minor.

PerspicaciaTick · 06/05/2016 16:02

It is fine to not feed guests or to take an unconventional approach to meals - provided that you tell everyone what you are planning and give them the chance to feed themselves if necessary.

I also think that sometimes, if you can't or don't want to pay for a "traditional" format day (sit down meal, evening buffet type arrangement) then get married as late in the afternoon as possible, or dispense with one of the meals, or hire a venue where you could self-cater an afternoon tea, just put your thinking cap on and get original. You cut your cloth according to your budget and everyone will have a good time.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 16:04

Surely a simple sandwich would cost similar to a scone?

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 16:05

Obs not great for gf but could pick out the filling Grin

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 16:05

maybe they could not afford to put on food. but then people should have been told if that was the case

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 06/05/2016 16:07

I've posted about this before, but we got invited to a mid-week wedding at a venue 150 miles away, necessitating two days off work and a cost of £300 for staying in the hotel. I didn't want to go, but DH insisted as it was family. I wish I'd stuck to my guns.

When we got there, it transpired we were the only evening guests. Everyone else had been there all day and had been fed. There was no food in the evening. I was livid (and hungry). Fortunately, the hotel took pity on us and even though the kitchen was closed, made us some food.

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 16:08

There were many 'unconventional ' in some people's eyes things about the wedding not just the scone.Eg half of the guests had to stand at the back of the room for the ceremony ,there were 5 rooms for the 'eating of the scone' I guess-two tables of guests per room so bridal party in one room , then guests split up in the others ,we were also all on different floors .

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 06/05/2016 16:08

It's rude to invite people to an event that by tradition involves some kind of meal, and then not provide that meal. Unless you make it absolutely explicitly clear on the invitation that no meal will be provided.

Teddy1970 · 06/05/2016 16:08

I bet the burger van was busy, everyone must have been hank!

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 16:09

They were blatantly having a banquet in the bridal party room

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 16:09

If you're hungry at a do it is the only thing you notice/remember

The wedding dress could be made out of 75,000 live butterflies gently adorning her, the band could be talented woodland creatures, The venue could be the ice queens palace, and all I'ld remember if we weren't fed enough is being unpleasantly hunger-drunk then getting a pm hangover!

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 16:10

I would have preferred a sandwich.There were many puzzles faces around the table but no one knew each other on our table apart from each other's oh's so there wasn't much slating of the scone.I did overhear a burley 40something man say he 'wasn't really a scone man'

OP posts:
Teddy1970 · 06/05/2016 16:10

It's not good for anyone to drink alcohol on an empty stomach either...unless there wasn't any? Not the point though, there should have been a small buffet or something!

MadamDeathstare · 06/05/2016 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 16:12

They were blatantly having a banquet in the bridal party room

I went to a wedding where this actually happened!
I know it sounds troll worthy, but we were all seated, then the waiters served the top table's starters first (fine).. then announced that the buffet was open at the back of the room! All seated guests got up and there was some cold slices of beef and choice of 2/3 salads. Meanwhile the top table had a large hot main course followed by desert

The meal was really late and we'ld had nothing all day.

torthecatlady · 06/05/2016 16:13

It does seem quite odd! Are the couple strapped for cash? We were/are. We handed out krispy kreme doughnuts after the ceremony, then a 3 course sit down meal, then a hog roast with a salad type buffet in the evening. Also our cunt of a caterer cancelled a day before the wedding and did not refund us. Thank god for wedding insurance, hey?!