To think this is ex DHs last bit of control

[Thenitnurse]

He pays maintenance every friday. The same amount for the last four years.

Yet every single week without fail I have to text him and remind him to pay it in. 5 minutes after i've text him he'll pay it in and reply 'done'.

If I don't text and ask he doesn't pay it until I do.

Since he's been paying it now for four years I doubt he just forgets.

I've tried being nice, for 6 months I just text 'money please', I sent funny memes about waiting for child support, I've tried asking to set up a DD (not possible as he pays it out of different accounts apparently). I've tried leaving it and not asking, it doesn't get paid until I do.

AIBU to think this is his last bit of control, that basically he gets some kick out of making me ask for the fucking money every week?

[TaraCarter]

MrSnow Was that to me? What a funny use of quotation marks.

Like "wages"? I was talking about fricking wages, with a pay-slip! Have you not heard of women working before?

I reiterate. If my wages at my last weekly waged job had been unreliable, instead of being credited by bank transfer at 1am, it would have had the potential to make life very very awkward.

All the reasons for this apply equally if the income one is relying on is maintenance and one is trying to support a growing child or children on it!

[ArrestedDevelopment]

Of course it's a control thing , my exh loved forgetting to pay and having to be reminded. I have asked him for 4 years to set up a standing order as he pays late until reminded but no he transfers the money.
After going through CMS his latest trick is to pay the money at 23.59 on the day it's due so it's not late but it is his way of being an arse as he resents paying the pitiful amount he pays and wants to hang on to it as long as he can.

[blindsider]

MrSnow

As long as she is getting the money every Friday then it really isn't that big a deal.

You appear to be stupid (as well as lazy) the point is without the reminder the money doesn't arrive. it is HIS responsibility to pay NOT the OP's to ask for it. Any normal grown up would set up a SO to pay it regularly (as I did)

[blindsider]

Mr Snow

It's not the same thing, I don't like the analogy to be honest.

It is exactly the same thing, it is money owed BY a given date. You seem to be endlessly ignoring the fact that without the reminder the money doesn't turn up. I am sure this would bother you if your employer was a day late with the money you were owed by them??

[AugustaFinkNottle]

I love the idea of setting up automatic texts every day. If it's going out automatically, he doesn't get the satisfaction of believing that he's controlling you, and ultimately it'll get so annoying that he may actually set up a standing order to stop you.

[LadyReuleaux]

It's not the same thing, I don't like the analogy to be honest.

Of course you don't. It's uncomfortable to see it that way. But that is how it is. It's money the RP should get, regularly, reliably, as part of an agreement that relates to what she is doing/providing. Just like with an employer, it should be done automatically and not begged for once a week. Surely you can see that?

[CantWaitForWarmWeather]

I meant if he is physically incapable of doing his own phone alert then his wife could.

Yeah if he physically can't do it, which would be in very extreme circumstances.
But in reality, there is very little that can stop him from just popping a reminder in to his phone and it's not really up to his wife to make it her responsibility if he forgets to do so or can't be bothered. It wouldn't surprise me if he lets her do everything else regarding his children though.

[LaurieFairyCake]

You're not making the best of this gift horse.

Instead of allowing it to annoy you send emails with this in the subject line (seeing it every week will annoy the tits off him)

"Charlie and Lola's (the actual kids names obvs) money is due"

And nothing else. No response. Have it set up to go on a Friday at 6.30am or one minute before you know the cock suckers alarm goes off.

[AyeAmarok]

It's exactly the same as wages MrSnow, it's money that is owed, and relied upon for the OP to feed, clothe and house her children.

If you had to always remind your employer to pay you, and if you didn't, or couldn't one week, they just didn't pay you at all. You'd be fine with that? Even when your rent/mortgage/car payment bounced?

[CantWaitForWarmWeather]

It should be treated like wages, but it just shows you can't rely on maintenance like you can on wages though.

[Thenitnurse]

I think MrSnow is one of those who expects exs to be grateful for the money given to them, like a little bonus. Not like wages which you've earnt

[Blossom591]

Oh dear Mr Snow

Anyway op knows him, we don't & she thinks he's getting a bit of a kick out of it so he probably is.
Now that you know csa dong charge just do that and forget about it

[Aprille]

Download Delayd app.
Set up an automated text, scheduled to deliver about 20 minutes before his alarm would normally go off every Friday morning
Word the text to look official as possible.
"Dear Twat,
The maintenance money of £X amount for your children is due today"
Regards.

[ratspeaker]

Could you remind him by facebook?

" sorry, phone not sending so I cant do my usual begging for child maintainance. Need to get food in so can you pay the money owed"

Mr Snow the thing is being late with the money, or forgetting is showing how little you priotitise your childrens well being. How little you think of them.
Its money meant to go towards the upkeep of your children, not a gift to bestow on a whim

[665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast]

is it just me would set up a reminder to text him ...oh lets say
every two hours
day and night for the foreseeable future
and then not find time to turn if off.....?

I was sure someone else would have suggested it but I couldnt spot it

[ratspeaker]

Tbh in the long term it might be worth paying the £20 to go through the Child Maintainance Service

[powershowerforanhour]

Your reminder text could be a photo of a Blue Peter badge, since he probably expects one for supporting his children.

[EveOnline2016]

Let him have this last bit of control. He will only do something else to get control.

A text once a week is annoying but at least your can see this and it's better than any other game he could play.

[wallybantersjunkbox]

Your reminder text could be a photo of a Blue Peter badge, since he probably expects one for supporting his children.

[Backpfeifengesicht]

Android and Apple phones have apps that you can get to send recurring automatic text messages.

[IAmAHomewardBounder]

My ex was supposed to be clearing an overdraft on our joint account so I can take my name off it (I haven't used it in years but he never bothered with a solo one ). Long story short, I've started phoning up and cutting it myself when he gets paid. He's not annoyed, and its not about control, he's just lazy and a bit self centred. Text him your bank details first thing every Friday and try and forget about it. I know it's a hassle as you shouldn't have to remind him but it's better than letting it get under your skin.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Someone that is incapable of remembering a weekly occurrence such as sending money for his children is a dick. And being a dick because he can. Or maybe just thick as pigshit so doesn't understand that fresh air isn't something kids can live on. Or maybe he just doesn't care.

The reason doesn't matter he shouldn't need reminding more than once.

And there are other methods available to set up standing orders - telephone banking, writing a letter, going into branch. He probably enjoys the feeling of dependence he thinks you have on this money.

I agree tell him you've reminded him for the last time the next time it'll come from the CSA.