To think this is ex DHs last bit of control

[Thenitnurse]

He pays maintenance every friday. The same amount for the last four years.

Yet every single week without fail I have to text him and remind him to pay it in. 5 minutes after i've text him he'll pay it in and reply 'done'.

If I don't text and ask he doesn't pay it until I do.

Since he's been paying it now for four years I doubt he just forgets.

I've tried being nice, for 6 months I just text 'money please', I sent funny memes about waiting for child support, I've tried asking to set up a DD (not possible as he pays it out of different accounts apparently). I've tried leaving it and not asking, it doesn't get paid until I do.

AIBU to think this is his last bit of control, that basically he gets some kick out of making me ask for the fucking money every week?

I don't know where my card reader is, probably have to order a new one. I know I need one to set up a direct debit. Bit of a hassle, will just send the money over on Friday when I get my weekly reminder. Probably should do something about it but if I was any good at managing my life she probably wouldn't have left me in the first place.

MrSnow Are you the OP's ex?

You can set one up with your phone and no card reader.

You can set one up with your phone and no card reader.

That would mean downloading the app, I'm not any app person, I only use my phone for the rugby results and getting reminders from the Ex.

MrSnow, it doesn't even cost one text, iMessage is free is this one of those some people have it worse than you things?

I've tried: ?, money, money please, angry, kind, funny memes, a riddle about money, a crossword clue about money.

I suspect he just gets off on pissing me off

I'm not even going to bother texting today

I meant if he is physically incapable of doing his own phone alert then his wife could. That's just one of 5/6 options available than poor op do it every week.

Are you the OP's ex?

Of course not, just trying to explain what's probably happening. This has nothing to do with control and everything to do with the guy being a lazy arse.

Tom is that you?

You haven't paid my money today btw! I'm running short on cocaine and diamonds

The CMS only charge an initial set up fee of £20.
After that, you're put on Direct Pay. If your ex then "forgot" to pay, you'd be eventually put on Collect and Pay - that's when they charge him 20% and you 4%.
Could be a good motivator for him.

Hey Nit,

I was in the same boat as your husband and kept having to get reminders to pay, it was nothing personal against the EX, I was just a twat. A busy twat, but a twat nonetheless. I eventually sorted out an SO.

how about on Sat through to Thursday a reminder every day that says "Dont forget to pay for your DC to live on Friday" (or some other message) and then one on friday "Day to pay for your DC"?

i just googled and found this link Text Reminders

You haven't paid my money today btw! I'm running short on cocaine and diamonds

Ha ha. Don't call it "your" money, call it the kids food and rent money.

Snow you forgot the SAME payment weekly? Why didn't you just set up a direct debit or recurring payment?

OP can you suggest he does that?

I feel your pain op.

To those saying just involve CMS and stop texting... it's not so easy. What if you actually need the money, some of us can't go without feeding our children just because their father is shitty about paying.

I have to message my ex regularly (last 2 months he's put it in without the begging), I think it pisses us both off. But my ex is an ex-pat, so CMS cannot touch him. So I rely on being super nice - and yes, I wish I could manage without his money - but I simply can't, I'm still 10K in debt from the last time he 'forgot' to pay for 6 months. And I'm also sure he underpays. 8 more years and counting...

Automated text is the way to go op. Even if it is 'money please'

Snow you forgot the SAME payment weekly? Why didn't you just set up a direct debit or recurring payment?

Because it was a hassle, I eventually matured enough to realised I was being an arse. It was never, ever about control though. It never even crossed my mind.

How about next time you see him, get him to sit down on your lap top and create the SO there and then, may be handy if the rugrats are in the room too.

And yet you can remember to check the rugby results....
Priorities Mr snow....

What a dick.

I start having a bit of fun with this; if last week you text "money please" this week text "money".

Next week text "mone" - I assume he'll still know what you mean and send it. The week after text "mon" - again, make sure it gets sent. The week after "mo", then the week after that "m"... after that you can just start texting random letters of the alphabet; if he doesn't send it you can be like "I text you, didn't I? You know what I meant, I reminded you, so send it!"

You gotta take the power back!

I second the suggestion of texting every day saying "don't forget to pay on Friday"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa @ YOUR KIDS' MONEY not even crossing your mind.

Fuck me. What some people have to put up with.

I suspect it's probably not control but lazy arseness and a convenient way to wriggle out of responsibility for remembering eg if it's not paid 'Well YOU didn't remind me'.

But regardless of what his motivation is, it's just not worth kicking up a fuss over. Pick your battles. This is not one worth fighting.

There are free apps that let you send automated texts, which means you can send it at 3/4am every week :)

Oh MotherKat has it!

Love that.

03:00.

If he complains, do it again. Say - oh I forgot to change the time on the auto-text last week. Can you text me Thu to remind me to change it?

You know where I'm going with this 😉

As Bill says it could be laziness. Why don't you change your mindset OP and instead of thinking he's controlling you, simply decide you're controlling him.

After all...you say "Money" and bingo! There it is!

Why not send gifs like this one

I was in the same boat as your husband and kept having to get reminders to pay, it was nothing personal against the EX, I was just a twat. A busy twat, but a twat nonetheless. I eventually sorted out an SO.

So the reason you think it is no big deal is ultimately you were a lazy inconsiderate bastard just like her ex husband who no doubt thought she should be grateful you were paying anything.