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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what you do when your dc are older.

64 replies

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/05/2016 14:54

This probably sounds really stupid, but my dc are still little, the eldest is 8. So they are generally both in bed by 8.30pm latest. At which time j usually let out a big sigh of relief, open a giant bar of chocolate and watch TV and spend an hour with dh.

I guess once they're a bit older that time on my own is going to go out of the window. I love my dc to bits but I love my hour or two child free in the evening.

What's it like in your house when they're teens? For example what if you want to watch something unsuitable like an adult drama? Do you just lose your evenings once they're older?

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 05/05/2016 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/05/2016 14:56

Mine aren't that age yet but I'd guess as they get older they are out sone evenings or in their bedrooms.

grumpysquash · 05/05/2016 14:58

Mine are 15, 13 and 10. They don't go to bed until at least 10.30pm. But they don't hang around with me all evening - they are on computers/phones/consoles/YouTube/SnapChat etc etc and entertain themselves.

Dolphinsanddinosaurs · 05/05/2016 14:58

I can't answer I'm afraid as I am currently in the same situation as you. It is something I have often wondered though. I will be watching the answers with interest.

BillSykesDog · 05/05/2016 15:01

They'll probably be sitting in their rooms with YouTube on a tablet anyway. I thought no teens did actual TV any more.

derektheladyhamster · 05/05/2016 15:02

I have to prise mine out of the bedroom with bribes of chocolate and crisps!

curren · 05/05/2016 15:04

I have one at 12 and one at 5.

If I want to watching me thing not suitable for the 12 year old, she would watch her own to or Netflix on her laptop. Or I would go our room and watch it.

As my kids have got older I have started my hobby again so do that 4/5 hours a week. That's 'my' time to chill and unwind.

clearsommespace · 05/05/2016 15:04

11 and 13. On school nights have to be in their rooms by 9 without technology other than e-book reader. So we can watch Breaking Bad or similar. If we watch TV on non-school nights, it has to be DC compatible. They are usually more reasonable than when they were primary age. Sometimes we tell them to buzz off because it's important for us to have time as a couple without them around. They aren't offended.

WoodleyPixie · 05/05/2016 15:11

18,14 and 10. The 18yr old is always out. Has been since he was about 15/16. Coming home later and later now. His girlfriend is an only child so they have privacy whereas he shares a room so they spend most of their time at her house.

The 14yr old is home a lot but mainly in his room playing on ps4 or on the iPad sky ping friends. His school is in a different town so friends spread out all over so weekends only real time they can meet up.

Even dd 10 spends a fair bit of time in her room playing and she's in bed for 8.30 and lights off by 9.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/05/2016 15:13

My eldest is nearly 11 and they all still have a very set bedtime and bedtime routine which they absolutely need to be up incredibly early for school (we are abroad - we live 15 miles from DD's school, which is the nearest suitable one for her, and her first lesson of the school day starts at 7:30am).

In all honesty unless the school day changes I suspect my kids will have a set bed time all through school - at least until the end of compulsory education anyway - as otherwise there is no way they will be able to get up at 5:45am every school day!

The holidays will be a different matter of course and I agree teens can't be banished to bed early during the summer holidays, for example.

That aside though I am mid way through re-decorating a room in the basement, until recently an under used play/ craft/ junk room, as a second sitting room. Theoretically for the kids to use to hang out with their mates/ watch TV as they approach the teen years (DH frequently mentions Erik Foreman's basement in That 70s Show, though I am not sure that is an ideal model! ) but I suppose we can be flexible I doubt it will be possible to prize DH off the massive 9 seater couch in the current living room though ).

We don't allow any tech in bedrooms though - we hope to be able to stick to it because we don't allow ourselves any tech in our bedroom - all mobiles, tablets, laptops etc. live in the living room over night, and we don't have a TV in our room and neither do the kids. I hope we can stick to this as people generally and teens too, need their sleep not to have screens on late at night! The compromise of a second living room with TV (and later moving the X box down there, though not yet) is how we hope it will work - 2 possible hang out "zones" if people want different evenings without being shut away in their rooms.

PortiaCastis · 05/05/2016 15:15

Dd usua!ly stays in her health hazard room if she isn't seeing the boy Adonis. She's 17 so has a student job so that's 2 evenings almost taken up. She does homework and revision but obviously the boy Adonis is far more important.
I'm not worried what films she watches I just wish her room could be beamed up to the clean and tidy planet. I refuse to clean up after her, and if she wants any laundry done she knows where the machine is.
She'll be off to uni next year so needs to know how to look after herself. Maybe then the boy Adonis will be out of her life.
I think his Parents must miss him as he seems to be here a lot, can't stop her seeing him as that will cause an earthquake but I'm no pushover. If she treats me respectfully she'll get respect back and we seem to get on ok.

Katedotness1963 · 05/05/2016 15:15

Mine are 14 & 16, they rarely leave their bedrooms unless it's food time. The eldest spends hours chatting to his girlfriend online and playing guitar, the youngest is glued to the Xbox and chatting to his friends on that.

OldBeanbagz · 05/05/2016 15:23

Mine are 14 and 11 so regularily stay up and watch tv/movies with us. We don't watch anything unsuiatble with them, just save that for very late nights by ourselves. Even when they go to bed late at the weekends we're normally up for another hour or so.

Betime is supposed to be 9/9.30pm in the week but later at weekends plus last night when my DS (he's the 11yo) went to bed at 10.15pm due to an activity going on longer than i anticipated.

To be honest i like their company so i don't want them spending all evening in their rooms.

corythatwas · 05/05/2016 15:36

15 and 19yo here. Excellent TV viewing companions and nice to have a chat with; wish they would spend more time downstairs, really. Doesn't feel like looking after a child or missing out on "adult" time; dd is an adult and ds is heading that way.

Perhaps we don't watch very "adult" TV in this house anyway; can't say we ever want to watch anything that ds couldn't cope with, considering that he is doing Sociology GSCE and hoping to join the police force.

I think there was a switch, somewhere between 11 and 15, where I stopped thinking of them as children and started thinking of them as young adults in the making.

MyLocal · 05/05/2016 15:39

Yup teens wont be fighting to watch your TV, they don't want to spend time with their parents. They want to spend it in their rooms on Snapchat or watching Netflix or with their friends in someone else's house.

When they get older, they want to fill your house with all their friends and loud music and booze.

When they get a bit older, they go off....and you have some much ME time you won't know what to do with yourself and you wish you had a house full of moody teenagers and their loud merry friends............................sigh

loveliesbleeding1 · 05/05/2016 15:40

All of ours know that 9pm onwards is mine and Dads time together,always has been since they were little.

OvertiredandConfused · 05/05/2016 15:42

I have more time to myself in the evening now my DC are 14 and 12! except when I'm acting as their unpaid driver of course

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/05/2016 15:43

They have tellies in their rooms and play games or watch Netflix

Don't be worried about what you're going g to watch be concerned about when your going to have sex! Teenagers are up half the night!!

thesockgap · 05/05/2016 15:54

My kids are 16, 12 and 9. In days gone by, I'd have all three of them in bed by about 8:30, and then if DH was on lates I'd have an evening on the Wii Fit or catching up on the computer; if he was home we'd have an evening with a bottle of wine / chocolate / TV etc.
These days, there is no child free time!!!
BUT - by the same token, they don't hang round with us all night either.
Younger two's bedtime is still 9:00, 16yo goes to bed at 10:30. They have their own living room (in our former dining room), with a TV, Xbox One, NowTV box etc so once their homework is out of the way, they sit in there and watch TV, play games or go on their phones / tablets.
16yo watches some of the same shows as DH and I - eg. Grimm, Gotham etc so he sits with us in the front room to watch those - but watches far more shows that we don't, such as Game of Thrones, The Flash etc, he will sit on his own in the back room to watch those once the younger two are in bed.
They are not allowed phones, tablets etc in their bedrooms, other than on a Friday when they are allowed to take them up to bed.
Often on a weekend or during the holidays, the eldest will stay up long after we have gone to bed, watching TV - he's a box set addict so will frequently stay up until 3am watching a few episodes!
So on the one hand, there is no "peace and quiet" with them all tucked up in bed, but on the other hand, DH and I still get to spend an hour or two together while they do other stuff.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/05/2016 16:07

Thesockgap I am happy to read that you still manage the no electronics in bedrooms rule, given your eldest is 16 :o Your set up sounds like what we are going for, but you are 576 years further down the line :o

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/05/2016 16:08

5/6 years down the line not 576 years! :o

BertrandRussell · 05/05/2016 16:12

We have always set a time- usually 9.00 which is grown up time. Anyone who wants to be in the living room is deemed to be a grown up and joins in conversations/watches tV in a grown up manner. It's only for a couple of years- and it's different from being desperate for respite from the demands of toddlers. Teenagers are quite human!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/05/2016 16:16

That's pretty much what we do Bertrand. I love re watching films that ds is old enough to watch now!

FlyingElbows · 05/05/2016 16:17

Dont panic about getting time to yourself, you'll need a crow bar to get them out their rooms!

weegiemum · 05/05/2016 16:24

Ours are 12, 14 and 16. We watch very similar tv programmes, they do emerge from their rooms for some Big Bang Theory and Mock the Week (we're fairly relaxed about tv!). We watch films together and my 2 dds like having girly nights.

But most of the time they are using technology in their rooms, or out with friends, or in with friends (we are quite a hub for teenagers right now, maybe its the relaxed tv policy?).

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