To ask how you deal with stranger danger?

[Coffeecreamers]

I have always told my kids not to go off with strangers and thought he would be reasonably streetwise. However, a conversation with my 8 yr old DS tonight has really made me think. I have been reading about little Keith Bennett and I asked him if he would go off with a stranger and he said no. I then asked him what he would do if he was playing in the front garden and a car pulled up - the person in the car said he had a new toy for him. I asked DS what he would do and he said he would say thank you very much. I asked him if he would run to the car and he said of course he would. I asked him what he would do if he was estranged from us in the park and someone asked him if he would look for their lost puppy and he said of course he would help. I have told him that no, he does not do that. He asked why and I told him that there are not many but some people that like to hurt children. He was asking what had happened to the children that had been hurt and I couldn't bear to tell him. What do you say to your kids?

This week my 9yo ds was scooting back from the childminders at the top of the road, hubby was turning the car round to follow when ds was approached to older boys who asked him to go with them. He said no I don't know you and they said he could come to their house and play on their X-box. Ds again said no, and said stranger danger and as he scooted off he was told not to tell his parents. He was very calm - surprising as he is a real drama queen who over dramatises everything, but he was quite calm when he told us. We have worked at stranger danger but never emphasised what could happen after too much. So as a consequence of this he was proud rather than scared. We had showed him the FB video that did the rounds last year of that experiment done in America with the man in the park with the puppy and he remembered that as it was happening.

Having found an approx 4 year old lost and wailing in the middle of a crazy busy huge shopping centre, I'm glad he didn't freak out when I approached him. I sat on the floor with him whilst DH went to find security. Frantic mother turned up 15 mins later. Would have been so easy for someone to snatch him, but I do think it's important to teach kids not all strangers are dangerous. As previously mentioned, people known to families are way more likely to be a risk.

I''ve heard people say the password thing before and I don't quite buy it. As others have said children are much more likely to be abducted by someone they know already. So if I have previously asked another parent at school to pick up my child they would then know the password. In the (admittedly unlikely) circumstance that unknown to me they are actually a kidnapper, they now know my password and can take my child anywhere at any time. I told my daughter, if I hadn't previously told her someone else was picking her up, she should ask the person to phone me to confirm it's okay. Anyone I trust to pick her up would have my number in their phone.

Also I also go with, "always ask mum before going anywhere", and have talked about "safer" strangers to talk to eg someone working in a shop/library etc, a mum with kids, etc. As others have said, if they need help then they may need to talk to a stranger. Also have talked about it's okay to hit, kick, shout if someone tries to take you somewhere.

Is it possible to link to the video Bristol?

Thanks for this. I had a chat with my 6yo DD on the walk to school this morning, asking her various scenarios, including the lollipop lady we see every day, or a mum of someone in her class, not just people we don't know. I wouldn't have thought to do this although it makes perfect sense. We'll definitely also cover other children in our chats.

We talked about safe adults (me, DH, a couple who are our very close friends and DD's class teacher) after DD reeled off all the staff at school as 'safe'. Which they probably are, but I was able to emphasise that it's only her class teacher as DH and I have met her.

Great tips in here and I'll definitely find out that American puppy video as that's really powerful (and the guy in it is a nice looking, typical dad type).

We must do PANTS again too.

Big thanks to the OP for sticking this on our family agenda again, there's no harm in reiterating the message with DD and indeed checking her understanding (and building on it).

Here's the video I think others have mentioned

Thanks for the link. I must say, although I have told my children the same thing, I do think that children actually do what the adult in front of them is telling them to do.

It's a bit annoying that the person carrying out the 'experiment' successfully undermines parents' attempts to protect their children, and ends the video with the question, 'Are your kids safe?' without any sense of what else you might do to be safer.