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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a wedding one

129 replies

PotterBot · 04/05/2016 09:24

Sis-in-law is getting married. She doesn't want lots of bridesmaids but wants all the children of the family to wear the same outfit. Has sent chosen dress around for us to buy its £60. I have to buy three, when the children already have suitable wedding wear.

Have suggested children wear their own clothes, this has not gone down well at all.

My feelings are that if you want someone to wear a specific outfit you should pay for the outfit not dictate how much the other person needs to spend to get into your wedding.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 18:49

She sounds ridiculous. She's not even related to this side. Well I hope if there are any more kids on your side their parents are putting a stop to it too.

Gert · 04/05/2016 18:52

I think brides should pay for attendant-wear (and have absolutely nothing to do with what guests who aren't attendants wear!).

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 04/05/2016 18:55

Yonic they are all your sils!! But not before the link by marriage. Smile

rollonthesummer · 04/05/2016 18:57

As for not being able to afford it 'we have known when the wedding is for a long time'

That's got nothing to do with anything! £180 is a rid icons amount to spend on posh dresses for growing children. How many other children are there in the family that are being expected to buy these dresses? Have you discussed it with their parents?

Have you actually spelt it out to your soon to be SIL that you won't be doing it?

YonicTrowel · 04/05/2016 19:01

Oh, I get it now!

I think my adult bridesmaid dress was less than £180 (which if course I paid) so SIBVU!

WriteforFun1 · 04/05/2016 19:13

It's not just the money though
It's the fact that she wants to dictate what they wear at all

Tell her to hire some models.

SparklesandBangs · 04/05/2016 19:18

My DSIL (Brother's Fiance) wanted the 4 little nieces in matching outfits, they may have cost £60 each including shoes and cardigans (I can't recall) but we weren't expected to pay and they were called bridesmaids.

Your SIL is being ridiculous, go with your own oufits if she won't pay

wallybantersjunkbox · 04/05/2016 19:41

I would be sorely tempted to put the message to all female attendees to also turn up in the same dress...

And actually the men too....

yorkshapudding · 04/05/2016 20:24

Havent RTFT but it really boils my piss when people decide to cut down their wedding costs by passing the cost onto their guests and think that their guests will be too thick to realise what they're up to.

She says she doesn't want lots of bridesmaids but it's pretty bloody obvious that she does want them, she just doesn't want to pay for them. It's utter bollocks and I would be having none of it.

Stick to your guns OP. If she wants them in specific outfits she can fork out for them.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 20:33

Not even many, sounds like she wants a whole flock! How many kids in total?

UptownFunk00 · 04/05/2016 20:34

YANBU.

When we got married we paid for all 6 bridesmaids/flower girl outfits because we wanted them to have the same colours. If we couldn't afford it we'd have said wear what you like!

Honestly, so many b&g's are me me me these days. Yes it's their day but surely you want those you care for to be happy/comfortable.

Why not suggest the children wear the same colour but their own outfits? It would be nice to accommodate if you can but if you can't, you just can't.

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 20:46

I don't know how many from her side but from mine I think it's 7 or 8? So prob 11 in total. Plus her actual bridesmaids.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 20:51

Does she have a child herself? I was invited to a wedding with a strict colour code for girls under 16 as the brides DD (about 8 at the time) didnt want anyone wearing the same colour as her BM dress in case people thought that they were BMs too. Instead of telling her to wind her neck in, the bride issued an instruction that all the girls were to wear very pale neutral colours.

I didnt go, for various reason but that one was fairly high up on the list and I heard that the bride was very pissed off and confused about the number of invites that were refused. Grand wedding of the century ended up being a much smaller intimate affair after the bride managed to piss off almost everyone, including the groom it turned out as he left 4 months after the wedding........

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 20:52

Yes her children are her bridesmaids. She has 4!

OP posts:
Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 20:53

Also to say I did also suggest a colour theme but that was shot out the water so Im going with wearing what we want and fuck em.

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 04/05/2016 20:54

Have you actually spelt it out to your soon to be SIL that you won't be doing it?

This ^^

Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 22:23

That might be it then. It could be that she has a particular colour for her BMs (I have 4 DDs too and 2 DSs!) and wants the other girls totally different so there is no possibility of confusion.

She sounds barmy!

MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 22:48

But it's specific dresses! Not just colour suggestion

MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 22:49

I reckon she wants feel like Maria Von Trapp

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2016 22:52

I'd go with everyone dressed in jeans and t-shirts.

Silly cow. She needs to have a word with herself.

Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 23:24

middle I get that I just wonder if whether this is to create a "chorus" to compliment the "principles", these being her and her daughters. She is clearly thinking of a look, probably for the photos, so she is the female lead, her daughters are the supporting actors and then the other children are the extras purely there to enhance the looks of the main wedding party.

She is bat shit and I would be claiming Norovirus on the day if I were the OP!

MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 23:28

Maybe they are all going to stand in a formation and it is an art attack style picture from above. She should still pay and probably hire Neil Buchanan too

Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 23:35

:o

Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 23:35

YY she should definitely pay btw

Alasalas2 · 04/05/2016 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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