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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a wedding one

129 replies

PotterBot · 04/05/2016 09:24

Sis-in-law is getting married. She doesn't want lots of bridesmaids but wants all the children of the family to wear the same outfit. Has sent chosen dress around for us to buy its £60. I have to buy three, when the children already have suitable wedding wear.

Have suggested children wear their own clothes, this has not gone down well at all.

My feelings are that if you want someone to wear a specific outfit you should pay for the outfit not dictate how much the other person needs to spend to get into your wedding.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 04/05/2016 10:02

Just say a firm "No" and refuse to hear any more on the subject.

I don't know what sort of income bracket you are all in, but it seems very reasonable to me to refuse point blank to spend £180 on someone else's choice of outfit for children who aren't even in the wedding party.

DailyMailThicko · 04/05/2016 10:03

Just say no? It's that simple.

Although If it's your DHs sister then get him to say no.

How much would you normally spend on a present? If it's a similar amount then you could suggest to her that you get the dresses instead of a wedding present.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 04/05/2016 10:03

Jesus, wedding entitlement really gets my goat!

Just say no, you aren't doing it. Don't get drawn into any discussion on it, simply state that the children won't be wearing those dresses as ypu csnt afford them,cap will be wearing something else.

My SIL is equally as bridezilla as yours, so I totally sympathise!

liquidrevolution · 04/05/2016 10:04

Basically she does want bridesmaids than Hmm

Say no and keep saying it.

What does your DH/MIL think? If someone else could tell her she is being silly then she might listen.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/05/2016 10:07

You're guests, not the wedding party, your DC can wear what they like.

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 10:07

Everyone else seems to be staying out of it. She is going nuclear. Have no intention of buying outfits now for a wedding that's in a few months time anyway. So the dresses probably 'won't be available' and dc will wear what they wear.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 04/05/2016 10:07

£180 on a present is very generous

I thin of you just say no then it can turn into a bit of a fall out, especially as she sounds like the bridezilla type. If you say you can't afford it, well then she has to find a solution or let it go.

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 10:09

As for not being able to afford it 'we have known when the wedding is for a long time' so that translates into don't spend money on anything other than my wedding.

I'm actually half tempted to leave the kids behind.

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 04/05/2016 10:11

Do not buy them, stick to your guns! You should have prioritised het sodding wedding over any other spending?! Bollocks to that!

If let her "go nuclear", she'll make a tit of herself and hopefully then your DH will grow a pair and tell his sister to grow up, that the whole world does not revolve around her and fucking wedding!

OnlyLovers · 04/05/2016 10:12

If it's a similar amount then you could suggest to her that you get the dresses instead of a wedding present.

Again, no fecking way. Why try to bargain with someone who's behaving like this?

You sound like you're standing firm, OP. Good for you.

MissBattleaxe · 04/05/2016 10:13

She is a bully. Don't give in. It is unacceptably entitled to imply that people should be saving up to meet her unnecessary demands. You can't afford £180 and you can't afford to save up £180 to spend on dresses. ( Why would you?)

People like her need to hear "No" more often.

FlyingScotsman · 04/05/2016 10:14

Could you contact the other people who have to buy said outfits but aren't tht keen either?
I suspect they have similar issues than you. It is possible that, if you all get together and all say thre same thing 'It's too much. Unfortunately, we can't afford it.' She might relax a bit and let you chose something more appropriate cheaper

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2016 10:15

Let her go nuclear.

OnlyLovers · 04/05/2016 10:16

Flying, she's not 'letting' people choose anything. It's not up to her!

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 10:18

My children will wear what they wear and that's the end of it. Just wanted opinions as didn't know if I was being unreasonable about it. If she is going to kick off on her wedding day about it she can crack on. I on the other hand will be enjoying a drink.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 04/05/2016 10:18

Yanbu
If she wants the child in her chosen dress she should either buy it or at the very least offered to pay towards it.
Just be straight with her and say I'm sorry but I can't afford to buy those dresses so they children will have to wear clothes they already have.

MissBattleaxe · 04/05/2016 10:19

Let her go nuclear Yes, do this. She will just show herself up. What is with some brides that makes them so bratty? If you give in, she will behave like this again because she can. Teach her now that she cannot get away with it by saying No. Keep repeating it.

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2016 10:19

As for not being able to afford it 'we have known when the wedding is for a long time' so that translates into don't spend money on anything other than my wedding.

It also translates as, Bride should have saved up to pay for it herself if it was that important.

coffeeisnectar · 04/05/2016 10:24

Could you get it in a large size and your dh wear it?

OnlyLovers · 04/05/2016 10:25

That's an EXCELLENT idea, coffee! Grin

SaucyJack · 04/05/2016 10:27

You sound very sensible PotterBot.

I wouldn't bother to talk to other family members either if you don't want to buy matching dresses anyway. If they want to go along with it that's for them to decide themselves. No need to stir the pot.

Take the moral highground.

dowhatnow · 04/05/2016 10:27

Yanbu.

Tell her you are prepared to compromise if she can find some nice dresses up to the value of £30. Give and take.

Fourormore · 04/05/2016 10:27

Do you have a problem with the dresses?

If not I'd just say you're very sorry but you can't afford them, that you're happy for the children to wear the dresses if she buys them.

LadyReuleaux · 04/05/2016 10:28

Blimey my SIL asked DS's size, went and bought his outfit and posted it to us! Because she knew she was getting a bit obsessive about colours and how she wanted the wedding to look, but she recognised that in that case she shouldn't be putting us to trouble and expense.

(Plus it was from Gap and only £30odd quid anyway!)

Not on. Say you can't afford it and could she have a rethink or cough up

LadyReuleaux · 04/05/2016 10:29

Oops seen your update, so yes I agree just not bothering is also a great option!

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