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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a wedding one

129 replies

PotterBot · 04/05/2016 09:24

Sis-in-law is getting married. She doesn't want lots of bridesmaids but wants all the children of the family to wear the same outfit. Has sent chosen dress around for us to buy its £60. I have to buy three, when the children already have suitable wedding wear.

Have suggested children wear their own clothes, this has not gone down well at all.

My feelings are that if you want someone to wear a specific outfit you should pay for the outfit not dictate how much the other person needs to spend to get into your wedding.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 10:34

The dress is lovely but I don't want to spend £180 on them. I've seen some other dresses that are very similar and pretty for a lot less. But she won't be moved. So I will put my children in their own outfits they aren't wearing sacks by any stretch of the imagination and if she wants to have a hissy fit then I'll get in my car and go home.

OP posts:
gabbyevs · 04/05/2016 10:35

ridiculous demands-youre guests apart from dressing nicely thats about all she can say

tell her you cant afford it simple as that

dowhatnow · 04/05/2016 10:36

She wants, she pays. End of.
You have been more than reasonable suggesting cheaper compromise dresses.

Fourormore · 04/05/2016 10:36

Well she'll have to move. Just keep it simple and keep repeating yourself
"I'm happy to put the children in the dresses but I cannot afford to buy them". That's it. Then it's ball in her court.

whois · 04/05/2016 10:39

"Hi SiL. There is no way we can afford to spend £180 on matching dresses for the children. This is a really big ask to want people to buy expensive dresses for fast-growing children. Ours already have perfectly acceptable wedding clothes which we intend to dress them in. We would love to attend the wedding, but we will not be buying the dresses for the girls. If matching dresses are more important than our attendance, please let us know before we book hotel accommodation! Alternatively, maybe you could buy dresses for all the children? Lots of love, OP"

BoboBunnyH0p · 04/05/2016 10:39

OP say nothing, just buy the dresses your DC with to wear and turn up at the wedding. What is she going to do when she sees they aren't in the uniform, stop dead on her grand entrance and no nuclear? I very much doubt it and she probably won't notice until after the ceremony, unless of course the dresses you choose are a neon colour.

AugustaFinkNottle · 04/05/2016 10:45

My SiL wanted us all to wear "autumn colours" and demanded that DH go to a particular hire shop 250 miles away from where we live for his suit as he was an usher. We told her neither would be happening, with hindsight she accepts we were right.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/05/2016 10:51

she has also been sent a selection of dresses as an alternative by other members of the party which are a lot cheaper

So you are all on the same hymn sheet. Just say no, you have already purchased outfits which can't be returned and cc the rest of the affected family.

Schoolchauffeur · 04/05/2016 10:54

YADNBU - £180 on kids dresses is s joke. If she wants cute little girls in matching dresses to make the photos look lovely they are called bridesmaids and she invites them to be proper bridesmaids and has to pay for them.

Although SIL didn't get that memo as when DD aged 9 was her bridesmaid and we had to pay for the dress at £140 plus a £50 pair of cream and gold shoes which got ruined on the day. Sadly we could afford it although it pissed me off that I spent more on DDs outfit than mine!

Bogeyface · 04/05/2016 10:58

I would stay at home too tbh! I cannot stand people who think that just because their whole life is taken up with their wedding then yours should be too.

HighDataUsage · 04/05/2016 11:00

Stand your ground, if all of the parents refuse to buy the dresses then she will have to rethink.

It would have been easier if she did one of the following:

  • suggested kids to wear own clothes to match her colour theme

  • found cheaper dresses. She should pay if she wants them to wear specific outfits.

  • or used accessories in colour theme such as waistcoats, posies, hairbands to unify the kids dressed in their own clothes.

thomassodorisland · 04/05/2016 11:17

You are not being unreasonable.
We get married this year and all the kids are wearing the same but we are buying them.
My dsis doesn't need to pay for hers (bridemaid) her ds (kilt) and her dd (flower girl) as we want them to be part of the wedding part.
Our nephew from dps side plus his brothers and sisters outfits we are also paying for.

She can either pay for the children's outfits or be told she doesn't get a say in who wears what.

GnomeDePlume · 04/05/2016 11:50

Dont apologise, dont explain, just say "No"

They are children not props.

You will decide what they will wear on the day. That decision will depend upon what is available, what will fit, what you consider to be suitable. Just like you will choose your outfit for yourself.

MLGs · 04/05/2016 11:53

Definitely say no. It's a massive cheek to expect you to pay for expensive outfits that they dictate. Children in matching outfits paid for by the parents, but not bridesmaids, is not a thing.

covertblackberry · 04/05/2016 12:31

Cheeky cow, if she wants to dictate the dresses then she should pay for them. YANBU

WanHeda · 04/05/2016 12:44

I reckon this thread has the potential to keep giving Grin

TheNaze73 · 04/05/2016 12:48

YANBU, not in the slightest. If this wedding dictator wants it, she should cough up.

UterusUterusGhali · 04/05/2016 12:57

When is the wedding?

You MUST update! Grin

fuzzywuzzy · 04/05/2016 13:00

I'd send her an email, CC in the everyone else who she has demanded dress their kids in her choice of outfit and say;

'Hi grabbycowSIL,
Please find below my bank details, I'll get the dresses as soon as the £180.00 clears my account

Regards
PotterBot'

On the other hand, I didn't bother going to my sisters wedding because she was being an evil cow to my DC.

Original poster
PotterBot · 04/05/2016 13:01

It's not for another six months. So I can only imagine the fucking hell I'm going to be put through as we approach the date.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 04/05/2016 13:06

Oooh
.

Four4me · 04/05/2016 13:07

End the next communication you have with her 'when you have been married a few years you will think back to this situation and cringe' Blush

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2016 13:08

ANOTHER six months?! How far in advance did she plan it?

Sounds like she's had plenty of time to save for HER bridesmaid dresses.

Stardust160 · 04/05/2016 13:19

They aren't in the wedding party so they have no role most likely won't get a gift but she wants them dressed in her chosen outfits for photos. I would let your DH deal with her and ignore her demands.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 04/05/2016 13:21

just send her a link to this thread...that's should put a crimp in her giddy-up.

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