We pay £250 more a month in CSA payments than we have to

[MrSnow]

Long story short, I had a son after an extremely short relationship 16 years ago. I had an average paid job but under the old rules of the CSA I paid 40% of my wages, around £400 quid a month. 12.5 Years later I get married to a woman I love and we have an amazing little boy. We also brought a house together. I didn't tell the CSA any of this and carried on paying the £400.00 for around 2 years. The CSA then contacted me and asked for a full review of my circumstances, as a result they are now only taking £150.00 a month. I contacted my son's mother and we agreed to keep paying her what we were paying her as it was only fair on my son. However, a year down the line we could really do with extra cash. AIBU to ask the mother of my son to take a deduction of £150pm so we'd only be paying her £250.00pm a month? My son is 16 next month and applying for colleges. I don't have any contact other than the occasional phone, text, Christmas and birthday presents. Not that it really matters but she owns a house that she rents out, rents a house herself and has a decent convertible car. My Son has everything, and more, that he could wish for in terms of material goods. What I'm afraid of is if she kicks off?? I don't want to cause any stress or concern for my boy.

Some of your comments are verging on the misogynistic and frankly it's probably just as well someone who clearly has such a low opinion of women doesn't figure largely in his son's life.

In what way do I have a low opinion of women?

Wear a condom. Sounds easier.

I'm not a feminist, ChiRup.

I pray you never come into contact with any woman I know

Let's hope he doesn't.

There are some horrible posts on this thread.

I think you should reduce the payments OP. You can't afford it, you have paid over the odds for years and as long as you give fair notice to his mum I don't see why you shouldn't drop it down. You are still going to be paying more than the recommended amount.

Ignore the bitter and twisted vipers. Clearly they DON'T know the full story and I think you've been given an unduly hard time.

Chirup A male is perfectly able to decide whether a child comes into this world. It's simply called putting something on the end of it!

I think if most women knew they'd be impregnanted by idiots like you two we wouldn't need to be forced into an abortion we'd do it ourselves, sadly you manifest as human beings for the first couple of years. Your mothers must be so proud of you !

May I advise leaving off on the white whine until it gets dark, you are positively ranting. Your post has nothing to do with me.

ChiRup and for those similarly minded- this is for you.....

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895

Your stance on this issue is just the sort of attitude that needs challenging on a whole societal level. It's disgraceful.

God you's make me laugh ... I bet my ex goes on about all this equal parenting shite to anyone who will listen too .... One day I might give it to him just to see the look on his face, he'd shit himself

It's because of judgemental horrible women like you lot that stop men seeing there children! It's embarrassing that as grown adults you will speak to other adults the way you do!!

OP, at 16 doesn't your son have his own phone? Social media accounts? Skype?

Aren't you bothered that you barely have a relationship with him?

His mother's sins are not his.

I think it's very sad that even in your OP his your son, and your youngest is your 'amazing boy'. Very telling, IMO.

Reducing finances is well within your rights. But I think you should concentrate less on that and more on why you're so ok with leaving your son without a father.

MrSnow carry on supporting your child financially. It still won't amount to half the costs involved but at least you are making a financial effort not to shirk this aspect of your responsibilities.

Try and develop a relationship with your son involving regular contact and recognise the failure to do so up until now is yours. If you are honest you haven't tried everything in your power to be involved in caring for your child but you can change that.

It's wrong to use your child as a pawn. Fight the power, your neglecting your child by paying 0.25% of your income and you're proud of it? Good work mate!

What everyone needs to remember is there is a child in the middle of all of this who shouldn't have to deal with this.

Mr Snow, you won't get much support here.
My DP. was at court every other month over access,he was always awarded it
She was never there when he went to pick his son up and there was nothing he could do about it.
In the end his solicitor said it's time to walk away as the court can only imprison her which they won't do, so he did, he walked away after years of fighting.
He still says it was the worst moment of his life. She still wanted as much money as she could get out of him though.
Reduce your Payments Mr. Snow if you can no longer afford them.
She'll have to cut her cloth accordingly, like we all do when circumstances change.

In what way do I have a low opinion of women?

Your ex is a 'certifiable headcase' and many of us are no more than self-serving, predatory harpies just desperate to use you as a 'sperm donator'. Says you.

Yeah, you're right, I don't know where I got that impression from

CMS consider compliance as any NRP making any payment within a 12 week period. Doesn't mean you are adequately supporting your child/ren ChiRup. The fact you have accountants involved makes me suspicious as to your motives.

Do you pay half the costs of raising a child you have chosen to have?