He said her kids would die

[Sandbrook]

If she didn't give him a BJ last night.
Friends husband. She asked what I thought, she's unsure what to think herself. When she questioned him, he laughed and said he was joking.
She's mulling over it now and that's why she rang me.
I told her I thought he was a prize dick. He's a nice man, so this is out of character in my opinion and not something he would use as emotional blackmail though. She agrees but ended conversation not feeling any better about it

smalllegs there is no such thing as 'tempting fate' by saying something so that's an utterly pointless thing to say

greatfuckability exactly. I actually wouldn't even bat an eyelid if my husband or me said something similar. It's a joke. And tempting fate doesn't exist.

I wonder if this woman reads Mumsnet and would recognise this painting of her relationship with him an evil psychopath husband and her a poor abused wife. Or if she'd just think he made a joke she didn't think was funny so chatted to her best friend about it....

Perhaps he is starting a new superstition that means men all over the world get a blowjob on the first of May.
Or maybe he has a porn habit that is getting out of hand. His wife has noticed a change and is uncomfortable with it and is starting to question changes in his behaviour? If they have been happily married (possible) then she will be concerned about something so out of character. I would be really worried if my husband said that, I would be worried about character change. I hope she gets it sorted and doesn't just leave it.

Ok I have a husband and Father both who have a dark sense of humour, they Will find jokes about almost every subject funny. So I asked my husband about this and his reply was

'What the F*, that is completely sick, not funny'

So there you go, my husband can joke about pretty dark stuff, even he is saying this is bang out of order. This sounds like a cleverly masked threat to me. This is definitely abuse. I think the fact that your best friend has confided in you is a sign that this is abuse, I know that if my husband says something that upsets me I do not tell anyone as its within our marriage. Even though I might be pi**ed off he is my husband and I would not want anyone thinking badly of him. In fact the only time I can imagine doing that is if he was abusive and I needed support (he is actually the opposite and a pretty awesome guy who has given up everything for me).

Think carefully about this, if your friend comes back to you I would leave it open to her. If she hints that she wants out then you can offer support. You could find out about your local woman's shelter in case she volunteers more information. I actually think that there will be more, she has likely only reacted with this because he brought her kids into it. She needs to know that this is not ok, because he has likely been gas lighting her into thinking she is imagining the rest of his behaviour is normal.

italiangreyhound - because it is obvious he's a dickhead but I was sorry she didn't know instantly it was wrong and she is the one being abused.

It's not that some posters with he was threatening his children's lives. It's that it's a symptom that something terrible seems to be going on that this was something he would think to say and the woman was upset enough to tell her friend.

I suspect that he was trying out some variation on the "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten" meme. But it was spectacularly badly thought out and unfunny.

He isn't a psychopath, and her kids aren't at risk, and she should LTB, etc.

But, he needs to man up and say sorry for being such a bell-end and coming out with such bollocks. Then he needs to be extremely embarrassed, and never ask for a blowjob again.

*shouldn't

I think he's a monumental prat who didn't think through what he was saying and how bad it would sound. Not funny, or cute, at all. The last thing that would have happened in my house in those circumstances, and for a very, very, long time afterwards, would have been a BJ!

shallowstreams there is no such thing as needing a BJ either. I didn't say if you say your kids might die they die. I said there is a general superstition about saying such things. A common well known superstition.

Then there is just plain good taste and decency.

And I never said he was an abusive psychopath. I said he was insensitive and sleazy and she was clearly bothered.

You wouldn't be. Good for you. The thread wasn't about you it was about whether the OPs friend was being reasonable to be a bit at her dh for making a totally dickish 'joke'.

Clutching at straws could he have been referring to his 'swimmers' as 'kids' ie. potential children?
Like the daft extreme Catholic doctorate that declares semen to be a potential life so not be spilt?

Thanks all for your replies.
I haven't spoken to her today but will see her at hobby tomorrow night. I think I'll take the good advice here and ask her how she feels about it now and try to work out if there is more to this and she might be scared to admit it.
I would be dumbfounded if she was in an abusive situation as she doesn't tick any of the boxes one might expect or is that too naive to say really? Feel totally out of my depth to be honest

But also be aware that she may get angry and defend him because he isn't abusive and she's offended at the ridiculous suggestion...

she doesn't tick any of the boxes one might expect

There aren't any boxes I am afraid.

Being in a relationship, or having had a relationship with an abusive person is the only thing the victims of dv all have in common.

Not saying she is necessarily in an abusive rs. Just saying that the person who is of a certain type is the abuser not the victim.

Abusers are boringly similar.

Tbh I wouldn't push nir would I mention abuse just give her room to talk, ask her how she feels and validate her feelings.

She may have other concerns. She may not. But she clearly was bothered by what he said. That may be because it was so out of character or it may be because it was the final straw.