He said her kids would die

[Sandbrook]

If she didn't give him a BJ last night.
Friends husband. She asked what I thought, she's unsure what to think herself. When she questioned him, he laughed and said he was joking.
She's mulling over it now and that's why she rang me.
I told her I thought he was a prize dick. He's a nice man, so this is out of character in my opinion and not something he would use as emotional blackmail though. She agrees but ended conversation not feeling any better about it

Most people would be very distressed if their partner thought the death of their children and gimme a blow job belonged in the same sentance.

They were in bed Shallow but not having sex.

So once I offered DH a blowjob for every five times he used the indicators correctly...should he be upset because I am a prostitute and I assume he would pay for sex? Clearly it was a joke, although, while he did laugh, he didn't manage to indicate enough for even one blowjob.

Is this a reverse? Sounds like it.

That is really horrible.
Even if someone says that sort of thing ''as a joke'' it shows a nasty, bullying side.
Sadly, we cannot be privy to what happens in other people's home lives- he may ''seem'' like a ''nice bloke'' but in private, he may be a grade a w@nker.

That is no joking matter, threatening to kill the kids.

Vile.

Oh for god's sake. Read the whole thread. He didn't threaten to kill his own children for a blowjob....

I've never seen such crazed responses to a dark pretty unfunny joke before

I'm with you Shallow

It's a terrible joke, but call the police ?! Wtf?

Really sick joke but you lot are totally flipping nuts with your responses. Get a grip!

I cannot think of a single thing that someone could say that would make it less likely they'd get a blowjob. Thinking about your kids dying is hardly going to get you in the mood. Sick fuck!

Seduction really is a lost art these days.

I suspect he's a sleazy bloke, looking for a bj, with absolutely no boundaries! I doubt very much, that he wants his children dead.... People say stupid things all the time, doesn't make them monsters, just makes them stupid...

Wow. What a turn on that would've been.

Well. he's a prize dick obviously and his wife needs to tear him a new one, but that doesn't mean hes a psychopath or that she should LTB.

Ok I think I need to clear up again, he did not threaten to kill his kids
It was said to mean like a stupid superstition I know that much. I asked and asked until she made it clear how it was meant.
Doesn't mean it's any less sick but not a threat to the children

What SGB said is very sensible. If it was no big deal to her, I don't think she would have told you about it, but she has.

I can see where SGB is coming from. I suppose my reaction to it was from a position that joking about the kids dying would just be a huge no-no and I couldn't ever imagine doing it myself. I also think that it would change my perceptions (not in a good way and possibly irretrievably) of a person who did that about my kids.

Sandbrook, if she brings it up again why don't you ask how she felt when he said it? Her initial instincts/reaction are probably very telling. I'd also look for other red flags. If you want to broach it with her perhaps ask how she's feeling about it now she's had time to think?

And yes it's the fact that she thought it was weird/out of order/problematic enough to raise it with that rings alarm bells too.

with you

Yes Scallops that's how I think I'll help her. As my opinion alone has varied wildly in my own head today so she must be doing somersaults.
My gut reaction was she thought it was an awful thing to say but is so unused to him behaving like that, that she's unsure to how she feels about it. Sleeping on it might give her a clearer picture. Either way, knowing my friend as I do, her DH will not get off lightly. As one would expect. I'm glad she did not ask what I would do had it have been my DH that said it.

Well the fact it appears to be so unusual for him is probably a good thing.

Several things
There is no superstition about kids dying because of their dfs lack of a BJ but there is a general superstition about not tempting fate by making jokes about your kids dying.

So that would make me think twice about my dp as a father in a wtf way.

I would also think twice about ever giving him another BJ. I love giving but I hate being asked in a sleazy way and that is just beyond sleazy.

Thirdly the whole ha ha I was only joking can't you take a joke after saying something out of order is a bit bullying and boundary pushing.

If he didn't know that would make her uncomfortable then he is an insensitive prick if he did know then he's a bully.

It is a bit coercive even if he doesn't realise it. Seems like his thinking is I really want a BJ how can I communicate this with maximum impact rather than I want a nice time with my partner what can I do to get her in the mood.

And finally this bothered her enough for her to tell you. And telling someone your dp has done an embarrassingly dickish thing is quite a big step in itself so she is really bothered.

And it has really bothered you OP.

So....I think he is an arse and I'd not be waiting till she brings it up again as if you don't she might be too embarrasssed. Next time you speak I'd be saying you know that thing your dp said, it really got me worrying because it isn't right. Are you ok? How do you feel about it now? And has does he often say or do things that make you uncomfortable or is this a total one off? Because he never seemed the type to me but I know the public face doesn't always match the private personna.

Just so she knows you took it seriously and if there us an issue you will believe what she says and not the public impression he gives off.

I think that's great advice, Small.

OP since she told you herself I think you are in a position to ask her if there are other things going on. It's quite possible that he said this horrible thing once and feels bad himself about it. People have weird thoughts, after all, but usually remember not to vocalise them. It was a horrible thing to say but doesn't actually mean he's abusing anyone or ever will. I can't see how she's ever going to put it out of her mind though

So he says 'gimme a bj'
She says 'or what?'
He says 'or the kids will drop dead'
I can see that being the kind of joke I make.
Dh often used to ring me in the day when they were small and say 'are the kids ok? And Id say 'nope, I left one in Tesco and the other is buried in the garden' or 'no, I killed them because they wouldn't eat their peas'.

I am not a sociopath or a murderer. My kids are still very much alive. Its a joke.

Thats creepy and disgusting

I agree with some other posters who talked about the fact the wife called a friend to talk it over - fact is it bothered her and thats the most important thing - she didn't find it funny or silly.

She needs to speak to him and put the fear of god in him about saying shite like that (assuming posters are not correct and this is in fact one in a line of nasty things he does/says)

I hope she is ok