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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disabled priority in lifts?

272 replies

harshbuttrue1980 · 02/05/2016 18:38

I had a disagreement with a friend this weekend and genuinely want to know if I am BU. My friend can't walk, and uses a mobility scooter. She isn't in any pain at all, and has no other health issues. She has a great job and a really active life.

We went to a shopping centre this weekend, and the lift was full, so we had to wait to use the next lift. She said afterwards that I should have asked the other people already in the lift to get out so she could get in. I said that I didn't agree with this, as she is equally able to wait as everyone else. She was a bit taken aback.
To clarify, if there was someone on crutches, heavily pregnant, a child having an autistic meltdown or someone else who would struggle with waiting, then I think they should have priority.
Am I being unreasonable to think that someone in a scooter shouldn't ask everyone else to vacate a lift so they don't have to sit in their scooter and wait their turn?

OP posts:

LurkingHusband · 03/05/2016 09:36

Interesting thread ...

Of course nobody minds waiting for the next free lift. Unfortunately when your floor is between top and bottom floors, the lift may never be free. Every opening of the doors reveals sardine-like passengers who are clearly on some sort of hobby study group taking in the "ceilings of lifts of the West Midlands". Bearing in mind a scooter (MrsLHs word for her motorised "Buggy") takes up almost as much room as a pushchair.

If a lift arrives, and there's only enough room for one, I see MrsLH in, and take the stairs. Invariably I am there to greet MrsLH as the doors open, which can cause some surprised looks. (One thing I have discovered over the years is that using the lift is never quicker than the stairs on a moderately busy day ).

Another strategy will be for me to get to a floor where it's easy to get in, stop at the floor MrsLH is waiting at, and get out to allow her in. This can be particularly amusing if we pretend we don't know each other.

The final strategy is to get into the first free lift (which is naturally going in the wrong direction) and then ride it all the way to the end and back. If we are very lucky, we will see the same people waiting on the floor we left as we go past on the other way ... (don't judge us, it's how we get through the day )

Curiously enough, only last week, we encountered our first policed lift. It was in one of these "public spaces" that actually isn't (one of the buried nasty surprises for the next generation to discover). There were two buttons by the lift: a usual call button, and a security button. The lift only worked when security (via CCTV) activated it. Having been through the palaver of using the lift, we then discovered it still didn't get us to the right level ....

BishopBrennansArse · 03/05/2016 09:42

Next time I visit the shopping centre in my local town I'll video it. Two tiny lifts for a huge shopping centre, but plenty of moving escalators. Blue badge bays on floor 2, shopping on 1 and ground.

Lift goes straight past most of the time to upper car park levels (3&4) and when it stops on way back down is sardines.

It's not so bad when the lift has a buggy as obviously they can't go on the escalator either but 9 times out of 10 it's just people standing.

BishopBrennansArse · 03/05/2016 09:43

Oh and I'm aware that 2 lifts for a centre that size is incredibly poor planning.

mummyto2monkeys · 03/05/2016 09:50

I am a full time reclining powered wheelchair user (although currently bed bound) I will say that at times it annoys me when people decide to use the lift when they can use the escalator instead. I have been left waiting for ages to be able to use a lift, when sheepish looking people see me they often look embarrassed and should be. I think it is only manners that if you want to go up one floor that can be easily accessed by escalator that you do so. There are people who can't use these, people with walkers, elbow crutches, mothers with prams/ pushchairs, even elderly people who are unsteady on their feet. I wouldn't expect anyone to get out of a lift they were already in but I also would be shocked if someone barged in front of me when they are clearly able to use stairs/ escalator

There are lifts where this is not the case, shopping centre lifts that are the only access to car park levels etc. Where it should be a case of first come first served.

I want to add that not all people in wheelchairs/ scooters are comfortable and therefore should be happy to wait. I am in constant pain with my pelvis and muscle spasms which tire me very quickly. If I have to wait too long I am more than likely to pass out. Which is the reason I am bed bound, but even I have to go out at times (usually hospital appointments and therefore need to use lifts).

I will say that your friend is BU, I would never demand that people get out of a lift so that I could get in, although I have had people do so very generously.

FarrowandBallAche · 03/05/2016 10:03

Agree with MrsJay. Where lifts are concerned I would be polite and let someone go in front that was disabled or a mum with a pram. It's just decency.

MidniteScribbler · 03/05/2016 10:04

I think there is difficulty in going down the path of assuming those who can walk should use the stairs without expecting people to wear some sort of badge to show their priority access level. I do however think that someone with a disability who politely asks 'I've been waiting a while, is there anyone able to use the stairs so that I can use the lift please?' you would hope would get a reasonable response from people.

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 10:06

Consideration and kindness is lovely but not everyone is kind or considerate sometimes you need to speak up and if you need a lift and are queuing for ages then sat something

LurkingHusband · 03/05/2016 10:07

Like the OP who thinks because she is with someone on a scooter she should get a space in the lift too

I will only stay with MrsLH if there's room. Otherwise I use the stairs. We're not joined at the hip - unlike (it seems) many parents.

MidniteScribbler · 03/05/2016 10:08

when they are clearly able to use stairs/ escalator

But how do you know they 'clearly' can take the stairs? I look able bodied, but can't do stairs due to my knees. I can use the escalator if available, but if it's just stairs, then I have to use the lift. I'm great on the flat, just no use on steps.

FarrowandBallAche · 03/05/2016 10:10

I'm talking from my perspective MrsJay

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 10:12

People are able to use stairs fine but why should they use stairs lifts are their for convenience and yes the lazy unless there is a sign saying accessible lift only then lifts are for everyone

Fingeronthebutton · 03/05/2016 10:13

Disabled people have campaigned for years for equality. Well the equality means that we all queue.

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 10:13

I xposted ypu I think furrow

liletsthepink · 03/05/2016 10:14

I've given up going to shopping centres at weekends or bank holidays for this very reason. I only ever visit multi storey malls at quieter times and even then rarely venture on levels away from where the car park is located.

I find the whole experience of waiting for a lift to be free as well as getting in and out of the doorway quickly enough is quite exhausting.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/05/2016 10:15

I wait for a lift. I have Lupus which causes me to have joint pain and I tend to get very tired. I can go shopping with my DD, but can't manage to be up and down steps in every shop. I'll use escalators instead of lifts where available, but if I need to wait for a lift then I will. I don't expect to have to explain my situation to the rest of the queue to stop them judging me for my "laziness".
I am not entirely clear if I should be giving prams priority or if they should be giving me priority. Generally we all seem to sort ourselves out politely.

LurkingHusband · 03/05/2016 10:15

Fingeronthebutton

Disabled people have campaigned for years for equality. Well the equality means that we all queue.

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 10:17

That really has been my experience sorting it all out politely it is sometimes a case of you go no you go then some bugger jumps in

VioletVaccine · 03/05/2016 10:47

YANBU, OP! and I'm shocked some posters think you were

One of my oldest friends has Fibromyalgia, and over-exertion absolutely drains her for days after. You can't see the condition, but it does impact her life greatly.

My ex, had an accident which left him needing an Ileostomy bag. Once, we were out in a pub and someone fell on him at the bar, unsecuring the bag and he needed to return home ASAP, for both health and obvious hygiene reasons.

Should both of them have had to justify their conditions as to why they required that space, to a stranger just because her disability was visible?

She sounds very entitled and lacking in empathy tbh.

randomsabreuse · 03/05/2016 11:04

I will never be the one asked for space in the lift - unless there is no permitted non-lift option I will NOT be in the things - hate them!

However as a confirmed lift hater it's quite obvious that most public spaces are planned on the assumption that most people will circulate by the closest option and stairs can often take some finding! There's a couple of tube stations where use of the stairs is discouraged, and plenty of shopping centres where the lifts to parking are well signed and right by the pay stations with the stairs hidden in a dingy corner.

Big hotels are particularly bad for hiding the stairs, or having no stair access from the reception floors!

IcaMorgan · 03/05/2016 11:04

So a visibly disabled person should just suck it up so as not to upset a person with hidden disabilities as obviously it's so much harder to just say sorry I can't than it is to be left waiting on lift after lift/bus after bus etc

Samcro · 03/05/2016 11:07

BishopBrennansArse are we thinking same place?
lots of escalators and tiny tiny lifts
I always took dd into BHS and used theirs. did have to tell a staff member that my dd took precedent over her rail though

FuddleMuddle · 03/05/2016 11:13

Should we all wear badges?

I imagine it is probably easier for someone in a scooter to wait than for me. If I'm stood too long my legs shake, and as I said upthread I just can't do stairs.

Should I get a wheelchair so my MS can be on full display?

TheHatOfDoom · 03/05/2016 11:17

I'm really in two minds about the lift issue.

I use a powerchair full time. I've always used a chair and have loads of experience with lifts. Waits can be common (an earlier poster mentioned the Ashmolean - I've waited over 20 minutes there too. My friend nearly went for help.) but I find them rarely unmanagable unless I'm with other disabled friends, especially other wheelchair users. So generally I wouldn't expect people to let me go first/get out of the lift .

What I am undecided on is whether people with those who need to use lifts should go in them as well (obviously carers are different). Several of my friends/family used to let me go in the lift alone and take the stairs/escalator. But then we had a couple of experiences where we've done that and it's then turned out the lift was broken - I'm thinking of places where you come to the stairs first so it's not always obvious. And I've been stuck downstairs or going a longer way and my mum has been upstairs without her phone not knowing where I am (because it's always been my mum and she rarely has her phone). So we now tend to work on a unspoken system where if the lift and escalator/stairs are together we go separate. If they aren't we both go in the lift.

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 11:19

We can't play disability bingo not only is it ridiculous its insulting

Samcro · 03/05/2016 11:20

some times you can't go alone. I could never leave my adult dd alone, they can't communicate and are very vulnerable. why should someone in a wheelchair aor who has a disability be alone?

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