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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabled priority in lifts?

272 replies

harshbuttrue1980 · 02/05/2016 18:38

I had a disagreement with a friend this weekend and genuinely want to know if I am BU. My friend can't walk, and uses a mobility scooter. She isn't in any pain at all, and has no other health issues. She has a great job and a really active life.

We went to a shopping centre this weekend, and the lift was full, so we had to wait to use the next lift. She said afterwards that I should have asked the other people already in the lift to get out so she could get in. I said that I didn't agree with this, as she is equally able to wait as everyone else. She was a bit taken aback.
To clarify, if there was someone on crutches, heavily pregnant, a child having an autistic meltdown or someone else who would struggle with waiting, then I think they should have priority.
Am I being unreasonable to think that someone in a scooter shouldn't ask everyone else to vacate a lift so they don't have to sit in their scooter and wait their turn?

OP posts:
madamginger · 02/05/2016 21:50

I have an irrational fear of escalators, and if I have my 3 children with me I would take the lift. I just cannot cope with them on my own on a moving escalator without panicking.
I have bad knees and don't do well climbing stairs (but am usually ok coming down them).
I'm not sure that I would get off a lift to let someone on but I would try and make space by standing closer together if we could and I absolutely would let them to the front of the queue when waiting.

Alexa444 · 02/05/2016 21:51

I have actually juxta. I was in a wheelchair for nearly a year after a series of operations. It wasn't even electric, I pushed it myself and it doesn't change my opinion.

IcaMorgan · 02/05/2016 21:53

Wheelchair users aren't asking people with a hidden disability to get out the lift, we are asking people who are capable of it to do it so that we can actually get in a lift without waiting 1/2 hour or more

EverySongbirdSays · 02/05/2016 21:54

Juxta was calling DM journalists scumbags actually, if you want to quibble, and reread the sentence.

I think the entire thread has a mean spirited agenda to it but I've said that already

twelly · 02/05/2016 21:57

People have different views, they are different not disablist

EverySongbirdSays · 02/05/2016 22:01

Wait.....

Doesn't that largely depend on the view twelly?

Eg, would you EVER dream of saying

People have different views, they are different, not racist
People have different views, they are different, not homophobic.

Whether the view is disablist depends on its content

twelly · 02/05/2016 22:07

Should clarify - in this thread the view expressed are not disablist (I agree that context is significant)

BishopBrennansArse · 02/05/2016 22:09

Some are.
Very much so.

EverySongbirdSays · 02/05/2016 22:14

It's all rather mean spirited though. My friend who uses a scooter/wheelchair asked me to ask lift users to show some courtesy, isn't she entitled/unreasonable/self righteous/difficult/why should she get special treatment?

And the approaches to that view have slightly disablist origins.

Eg Aren't disabled people so.... (insert stereotype here) because (insert prejudice here)

JuxtapositionRecords · 02/05/2016 22:20

songbird come on, you implied op was a scumbag by pondering if she was a 'scumbag' DM journo.

Also where did op say or imply any of this?
isn't she entitled/unreasonable/self righteous/difficult

EverySongbirdSays · 02/05/2016 22:33

Juxta come on, it's in the bloody title Am I Being Unreasonable..... or is she?

Someone else said self righteous I was taking examples from the thread in response to twelly, not you or the OP.

Again I'll repeat are you a DM Journalist scumbag ie are you a DM journo and therefore a scumbag because they are

sallyjane40 · 02/05/2016 22:36

I think if the friend on the mobility scooter wanted to see if people would get out of the lift to let her in, she should have asked herself (tho personally I think asking would be a bit pushy). I'm not sure why she would expect her friend to guess that she wanted this, and in any case, her expectation that her able bodied companion should communicate on her behalf seems likely to reinforce the unfortunate tendency for some people to ignore a person with a physical disability and talk to whoever is with them.

I've spent time out with a friend in a wheel chair, and have often had to politely encourage people to speak to them direct, rather than to ask me what they want in cafe's etc.; so, if there was a good reason why the OP's friend felt she needed to go ahead of other lift users, I think she should have explained it, and asked them herself - it's not the Op's responsibility.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 02/05/2016 22:41

"Wheelchair users aren't asking people with a hidden disability to get out the lift, we are asking people who are capable of it to do it so that we can actually get in a lift without waiting 1/2 hour or more"

This would never work. Why should I have to declare I have a hidden disability, and you would get the ones who cba to use the stairs who would just refuse to move if people with hidden disabilities stayed there, as in 'they aren't moving, why should I' I also don't want to open myself up to questioning about wth is actually wrong with me when I look perfectly fit and healthy as I walk around.

EverySongbirdSays · 02/05/2016 22:46

Declaring how you think disabled people should and shouldn't respond to a scenario that exists because of disability is as disablist as declaring how you believe black people should or shouldn't respond to a scenario that exists because of race is racist.........

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/05/2016 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedAGrip · 02/05/2016 23:00

I strongly suspect that plenty of able bodied people use lifts because they CBA to use the stairs.

There's a multistory car park (3 levels) in town I often use next to a sports centre. Loads of people come out of the sports centre and straight into queues for the lifts.

I know hidden disabilities exist. But while some of these people coming from the sports centre may have problems using stairs, I struggle to believe in a hidden disability affecting large numbers of people that allows people to play sports or work out at a gym, walk through a car park, but that prevents them from using stairs.

If they're representative of the general population, then I think for a lot of people it's just laziness and a failure to consider how this might affect people who genuinely struggle with stairs.

FarrowandBallAche · 03/05/2016 06:55

I would have got out the lift or at lest asked the lady if she wanted me to. I would have felt embarrassed being in a lift when I could have used the escalator or stairs.

MrsDeVere · 03/05/2016 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 03/05/2016 08:57

The times it really gets to me is when there are escalators as an alternative.

I'm sorry but in that situation I can't see how ten full lift loads (no buggies either) were all hidden disabilities or escalator phobics. There had to be 100 people over that 20 mins.

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 09:02

I'm disabled I just wait for the next lift it takes 2 minute's why should I demand a lift your pal was sitting what's wrong with waiting why is her time more important than anybody else's twatty entitlement pisses me off

BishopBrennansArse · 03/05/2016 09:16

Would you be ok with waiting for 10 lifts?

Alexa444 · 03/05/2016 09:19

^this. Who seriously has to wait more than 5 minutes for a lift anyway. I don't believe a word of that mrs devere, if you miss one, you are right at the front for the next and if it is loads of people and no escalators available for them, like at underground stations sometimes then you are in the same boat as everyone else.

Samcro · 03/05/2016 09:19

yabu and yanbu
I think that able bodied people should be aware that someone who can't walk has less choice than them. so in nice world they would be nice .
bolocks to equality.....that only works if all able bodied people couldn't walk

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 09:23

Tbh I don't think I've been anywhere so busy that I needed to wait for 10 lifts but I guess I would wait my turn

MrsJayy · 03/05/2016 09:28

I usually see politeness regarding lifts somebody will let someone with a pram or a stick or a wheelchair go in. front I've never experienced lift angst the op friend just wanted to go in the lift first and didn't have the nerve to ask herself so moaned friend should have spoken up