to not get the newborn obsession?

[hawaiibaby]

Currently feeding 6wo DS2 for about the billionth time today. He is overtired and grumpy and screams in outrage if I dare to hint at sleep. When he eventually gives in (through feeding / rocking / white noise of course), and I lay him gently down following an appropriate wait, he wakes up.

I have mastitis and of course was up loads last night with above little ruler and really did want / need to rest today while DH was off work.

Yet almost every random stranger I meet tells me to enjoy every moment and that newborns and these days are the most precious ever.

Really?

Are newborns not just cute little assholes? Give me an older baby / toddler any day, at least they entertain. Saying that, I can hear DS1 kicking off downstairs cos DH won't let him eat his pasta bake standing up. So admittedly, he can be an assholes too.

Do people just forget how relentless the early days are? Or AIBU not to savour every moment? Including when he gets sick in my bra?

Out of the 4 I've had:
1 cried constantly from hunger (undiagnosed cystic fibrosis)
1 fed for 5 minutes, fell asleep, woke up again hungry after 10 minutes (weak suck)

I love my 8 week olds fluffy hair, smell, warmth and cuddles.

That's when we don't have trapped wind, it isn't feed 4 of the night, vomit and not knowing what the hell is causing the screaming like a possessed angry cat. When I'm not hurting (still) or confused as hell thanks to sleep deprivation. Oh and the arrival that nearly killed me. Happy times.

Oh and we've just had the largest shit going. I can feel it's arrival on my leg as I feed.

These days are bloody hard. I'm cherishing the good bits and will bank the horrendous bits to be filed in the part of the brain that will be used in case I think #2 is a good idea.

Icy I get it, I totally get it. I lost 3 babies before 18 wk old DD and I just felt incredible bitterness at posts like these.

However I'm now the other side of the fence and whilst the grass might be greener, it most definitely still needs mowing.

I've been on my knees sobbing with absolute exhaustion because my little princess / terror will just not bloody sleep. And you feel even worse because people say to you "well you wanted this!" Oh fuck off. As someone else says, it's absolutely no comfort when you've had no sleep and you wonder if you ever will again and your DP comes home complaining he's tired after being at work. Your rational head knows he probably is, after all he still gets woken up just as much. But you just want to kill him!!

It's very hard to read posts like these in your situation (and my previous one) but it's also very easy to think you'd rise above it and be grateful. And don't get me wrong, you are grateful, doesn't mean it's not the hardest thing you have EVER done.

Big hugs, hang in there and don't give up. But also remember you have no idea about somebody else's journey to this point

Brummie yy. In fact, I felt unnecessary guilt for not loving every exhausted moment with DS1 because of what we'd been through to get there. I'm just a normal mum though, why would we find it easier just because of our journeys to get here?

My heart has almost burst with love and gratitude so many timee since becoming a mum, beautiful little moments with my boy that I know I will always treasure. But I'm sure every parent has these, not just those who had a tough time having a baby. Equally, those who have struggled are just as likely to find parenting as hard as anyone else.

Hope you get some sleep soon

If anyone who has a toddler wants to swap for a newborn that's fine with me. You have mine for the first year and in return I'll have yours from two to three :)

I just came across this aibu thread is all (it's not as if I'm stalking new baby threads to mercilessly troll) and as I said - of course everyone has the right to vent when life is difficult and shit --- I get all of that. I also didn't say you should enjoy being knackered & feeling like shit, it was just a little nudge and reminder to count your blessings - and I hope most would agree that newborns are a blessing!

Maybe not 'helpful' - but really, when you're exhausted is anything helpful? Just that sometimes looking at your life from the outside can give a fresh perspective.

icy I get what you mean.

I hope your treatment is successful

The early weeks are tough. Both dd had problems feeding for first few weeks. From 6 weeks though, they were lovely! I didn't really get babies before I had one. I did love them being tiny but I couldn't do it again!

I think you do forget. But if you're lucky enough to get a non screamy, easy-to-feed one they are lovely because all they do is sleep and feed and poo, and you can literally solve every problem by putting them on the boob.

On the blog Renegade Mothering she wrote this which I completely identify with:

Thank you for this time of meeting all your needs, pretty much all the time, or at least knowing how, more or less, to do so, without my personality flaws getting in the way. Your personality doesn’t clash with mine. Your whining doesn’t drive me around the bend.

I knew the newborn bit was hard, I never really berated myself for not enjoying it very much and tried to go easy on myself where I could.

At about 3 months things improved and I started to feel like the mother I always hoped to be. Then we had the 4 month sleep regression. Oh. my. God. Whatever I thought was bad to that point was multiplied time over by a sense that I should have known what I was doing by then... But nothing could have prepared me for it.

Suffice to say, I look back on the whole first year and shiver. And I still look at people namely specific men over 70 who pride themselves on never having changes a nappy in their LIFE who say "we know what it's like, we've been there" and think, really... If you really knew what this felt like to me you wouldn't be telling me to treasure this.

The one thing it does make me think though is that our world is too connected with people who are on the other side of a screen and can't help irl, rather than being in the moment, not having the distractions of a screen and instead having someone popping in to sit with the baby for half an hour and actually help out not just drink coffee and go again once the baby wakes up grrrr