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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scouts camping trip

57 replies

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:10

DS (13) was supposed to be doing a hike next weekend with explorers and then staying overnight at a public campsite with three other scouts (ages 13-15) all girls.

They are going to be covertly monitored by one of the leaders who will also stay in a tent but they won't know he's there. They will have his mobile number in case of emergency.

We've discussed it and decided not to let DS go. He's very sensible and understands why. I feel bad that the leader thinks I'm a lightweight. I'm normally quite liberal and trust DS completely but can think of a million and one things that could go wrong.

The main thing that puts me off is that I wouldn't leave him alone with 3 girls at home overnight and being in a public campsite is probably less safe. AIBU?

OP posts:

LottieDoubtie · 01/05/2016 21:44

Sex? With presumably 2 tents- one for your DS and one for 3 girls?

And an adult watching out for them?

I think it's pretty bloody unlikely.

Is he in a relationship with any of these girls? Or are you expecting them to get spontaneously carried away?

LottieDoubtie · 01/05/2016 21:45

A larger group would worry me more, much more scope for one or two to slope off lost in the crowd.

Itsmine · 01/05/2016 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:45

*their not there.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:46

He would be up for going but he's quite happy either way. He's v laid back.

OP posts:

LottieDoubtie · 01/05/2016 21:47

If it's not ok to leave your child alone at home overnight at 13, why is it ok to leave them on a campsite?
Er, because he's not on his own.

What if they loose mobile signal and can't contact the leader? They won't know he's there. That is there only means of contacting him.
If there is a problem he will see them and sort it. He will stay particularly close if he knows there is no mobile signal?

What if girls go to loo block in the night and leave the other girl on her own?
What if they do? Are you worried she'll pounce?

What if they are approached by group of properly unsupervised lads/girls looking for trouble?
The leader will intervene. I doubt it will happen though seems very unlikely.

I know some of my worries seem a bit out there.

yup.

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:47

Itsme I think the covert business is so that they get a taste of independence. I would feel a lot happier, even agree to it all, if they knew the leader was there.

OP posts:

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/05/2016 21:51

If it's not ok to leave your child alone at home overnight at 13, why is it ok to leave them on a campsite?

Firstly I'm not sure that it's not OK to leave a 13 year old overnight. Secondly a campsite is far less likely to have a house fire/burst pipe/ceiling collapse etx

What if they loose mobile signal and can't contact the leader? They won't know he's there. That is there only means of contacting him.

They probably won't need to contact the leader. I'm pretty sure the leader will have checked mobile reception. If there is no reception the racket they make trying to sort themselves will mean someone, probably the leader will come to help them.

What if girls go to loo block in the night and leave the other girl on her own?

What if they do? Them opening the zip will wake the entire campsite and the other girl. Shell know they are going as will the rest of the campsite.

What if they are approached by group of properly unsupervised lads/girls looking for trouble?

Then they, or another group of campers, or the leader will deal with it. It is pretty unlikely though.

I know some of my worries seem a bit out there.

Yup Honestly, he'll be fine and learn loads. Have a chat to the leader, they will have risk assessed the trip and will be able to answer your concerns.

PeppermintPasty · 01/05/2016 21:52

Mine is still at Cubs stage, but yes, I do think yabu, as your op asks.

I think you're overthinking it, you probably know this. Can't you try and swallow these things down, if they are your issues? It seems a shame for him to miss out on a potentially great experience. And the odds are of course, that it will be massively positive and fun, and nothing at all will go wrong.

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:52

He's been on loads of camps before. He has his chief scout gold award. Mostly it's been at a scout event.
I'm really not worried about them having sex. I might sleep on it and possibly ask them if they'll agree to them knowing where the leader is. I'd be fine with that.

OP posts:

Itsmine · 01/05/2016 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 21:56

Thank you all so much for your replies.
It's really hard letting go when they get a bit older.

OP posts:

1frenchfoodie · 01/05/2016 22:00

YABU though don't know why they are being covertly monitored. If it is about independence then the supervisor should simply say they are for emergencies, not day to day stuff (putting up tent etc).

capercaillie · 01/05/2016 22:01

I think to have concerns is natural but the risk of anything untoward happening is very low. This type of experience is fantastic for young people to experience independence in a safe way. Mobile reception will have been checked out.
I would have thought though that it would be fairly hard for the leader to remain completely covert if they're staying on the same campsite?

emmaluvseeyore · 01/05/2016 22:02

I think they are more likely to deal with any issues sensibly if they think they are alone. Kids rely on adults too much really. The leaders will have a LOT of experience with this and will have adequately risk assessed the trip. If they didn't think they were capable of doing this safely, then they wouldn't take them.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 01/05/2016 22:02

A parents worst fear is peodo killers/ abusers but this is v v v rare ( one child a year) while two children die every week crossing the road.

Why don't you visit campsite in disguise... I'm imagining commando style crawling through mud

Let him have fun....go on

Permanentlyexhausted · 01/05/2016 22:11

It is hard but this is a safe and supervised opportunity for him to learn how to deal with some of the challenges he'll face when out and about with a group of teenagers.

A Scout activity is a much safer place for him to experience what it's like to cope on his own than an evening out in town with school friends.

grumpysquash3 · 01/05/2016 22:13

He's been on loads of camps before. He has his chief scout gold award.

He will be very well prepared then and will love it.

I don't think the girls will try to jump him.

The campsite will have a manager, or caretaker or someone who is around in case of emergency.

If he's not allowed to go now, then when? At 15? 16? 21? 40?

GeezAJammyPeece · 01/05/2016 22:15

Your concerns are all perfectly reasonable to have run through your head, but they shouldn't really cause you to stop him going.

They know the leader will be there (and as pp have said, they'll probably know where)

ANY unlikely issues caused or instigated by outside parties would be dealt with swiftly.

Most public campsites are actually pretty strict these days about noise & nonsense, so a group of lads looking to cause trouble would probably risk getting turfed out anyway.

Original poster

MissSmiley · 01/05/2016 22:20

You're all right. I was being over cautious. I've expressed my concerns and they've agreed that the kids will know that the leader is there and where. I feel a lot happier and I'm sure he'll have a great time.

OP posts:

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 01/05/2016 23:29

When I did my DofE bronze at 14, I was one of a group of 5 (all Air Cadets) who camped together. I was the only female.

Surprisingly enough, based upon your thinking, it didn't turn into some crazed orgy.

Although I did have to help one of the other members get his fire lit (no euphemism intended).

I am disappointed that you don't trust your son.

AdjustableWench · 01/05/2016 23:41

Glad you're reconsidering. They'll all have a brilliant time. These kinds of experiences are the things that make kids more mature and I'm sure your son will benefit from it enormously.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 01/05/2016 23:48

This will be for their expedition badge?

Dss did this when Ds2 was still 10. There were half a dozen of them DS1 was 11 and eldest Scout was 13 - tbf they were all boys. They had to walk and then camp and feed themselves. Then pack up and walk again.

They had a ball, leader was camped just out of sight.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 01/05/2016 23:50

In order to do his chief scout gold then he will have already needed to do a one night unaccompanied camp

funniestWins · 02/05/2016 01:29

This seems incredibly over protective and imposing your rules ('I'll let him go if you do x') seems unfair on the rest of the group who are no doubt relishing their taste of independence. Either let him go or not.

For what it's worth, the chance of him being kidnapped, taking up crack and being sold into slavery to pedophile gypsies who flee the country are quite slim!

Time for you to let him start to grow up.

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