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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is odd?

47 replies

HelpForAFriendInNeed · 28/04/2016 20:17

My friend told me earlier that his 14 year old daughter sleeps in is ex wife's bed with her every night (4 bed house with just the two of them). AIBU to think this is odd?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 28/04/2016 20:18

Why on earth would he tell you that?

StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2016 20:18

His ex wife being her mother?
It's certainly unusual but I'd suspect there's something you don't know.

icelollycraving · 28/04/2016 20:19

Maybe she's always slept in with her mum. Maybe she got lonely. Maybe she finds it comforting. Maybe it isn't for you but each to their own.

Original poster
HelpForAFriendInNeed · 28/04/2016 20:20

Yes, her mother. I would've thought teenagers would want their privacy.

OP posts:
TormundGiantsbabe · 28/04/2016 20:22

Adults in relationships (usually) sleep in the same bed and that's normal but a child finding comfort in her own mother's bed is odd?

Passmethecrisps · 28/04/2016 20:22

Some do. Some need comfort and some have habits.

Unusual but I suspect not as unusual as you might think.

MammaTJ · 28/04/2016 20:22

Surely if she wanted her privacy, she could get it by taking herself to one of the other rooms.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/04/2016 20:22

I think it's unusal. I don't think there anything odd about it. Maybe she's upset by the divorce, maybe she has bad dreams, maybe she just likes the company. It's not a big deal..

Original poster
HelpForAFriendInNeed · 28/04/2016 20:24

I could completely understand her sleeping there once in a while having watched a film or something in bed, but every single night at 14?

OP posts:
BadgersNadgers · 28/04/2016 20:24

My niece slept in my sisters's bed until she was 15. I thought it was fucking odd.

curren · 28/04/2016 20:25

It's not common ( as not many teens do this) but not odd. However I slept with mum a lot as a teenager.

Unless the mother is forcing or guilting her into it, I don't see the issue. She clearly has her own room so if she wants her space, she can have it.

FeelingSmurfy · 28/04/2016 20:25

We knew someone who's child slept on a mattress at the end of their bed, last time we were in touch with them he was 14!! He also had much younger siblings, eugh!

acasualobserver · 28/04/2016 20:27

I think it's odd too. But, then again, there are much odder things in the world.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 28/04/2016 20:30

Yes it is odd.

I posted last year because my friend was concerned about her DD sharing a bed with her dad. The DD was ten and the father had agreed he would sleep in the living room and she could have his bed, but in practice was just sharing his bed so his DD did not have any personal space.

I was slated and accused of implying the father was sexually abusive, (I didn't) and told it was perfectly normal for a ten year old to share a bed with her dad and not have any private space to in her home.

Fortunately my friend's ex moved to a larger home and their DD now has her own room, the opportunity to have friends over, and some space of her own. It seems to have been very good for her and she seems much happier.

But I don't know what, if anything your friend could do for his child, other than find out if she is unhappy with her sleeping arrangements and support his daughter to talk to her Mum about it if she is.

AvaLeStrange · 28/04/2016 20:31

My DD is 11 and loves to have a sleepover in my bed if DH is out late for the evening.

If it was ever just the two of us she would probably want to move in permanently tbh.

There is really nothing odd about our relationship.

gamerchick · 28/04/2016 20:33

And?

I've known people to bed share with their mothers until older than 14. It doesn't matter!

Muskateersmummy · 28/04/2016 20:38

I co sleep. If dd wanted to when she was 14 I wouldn't stop her. Maybe she's done this since the split to be closer to her mum. If both mum and daughter are happy then I see no problem

icelollycraving · 28/04/2016 20:39

I suspect you are giving this man the validation he wanted by your reaction.

Original poster
HelpForAFriendInNeed · 28/04/2016 20:41

icelollycraving he sees nothing wrong with it. He's desperate to get his ex back and thinks it's perfectly normal. I didn't comment on it but honestly find it baffling.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 28/04/2016 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icelollycraving · 28/04/2016 20:45

Fair enough. I wrongly assumed he was trying to get you onside about it.
If he sees nothing wrong then I'd assume she had either done it frequently or for a more recent reason.

Panadbois · 28/04/2016 20:45

I can't get my 15 year ol DD to share the sofa with me of an evening. Hmm

Floggingmolly · 28/04/2016 20:53

If he sees nothing wrong in it and thinks it's perfectly normal (which it is), why did he tell you about it at all?

Original poster
HelpForAFriendInNeed · 28/04/2016 21:02

floggingmolly because he wants to move back in, but said that obviously him and ex wouldn't be sharing a room because his daughter sleeps there.

OP posts:
CantWaitForWarmWeather · 28/04/2016 21:05

When I was 14 I sometimes slept in the same bed as my dad. I don't think it's weird to sleep in the same bed as a parent at that age.