To consider moving my daughter from private all girls school to state?

[lottielou7]

She's currently in year 7. Academically, I cannot fault the school at all and she is doing great there, and in sport too. She's also very gifted at art and has the art exhibition. Her teacher feels that she has huge potential for a very successful career in this area.

My problem with the school is to do with the social side. Firstly, there is a child in dd's class who has autism and I have heard that some of the parents of other girls are unhappy about this and have encouraged their daughters to wind her up so that she has a melt down and is expelled. I think this is horrible bullying and I'm disgusted the parents are encouraging it. The parents are also trying to get a petition for her to be removed from the school.

Another thing I am sick of is the stealing. My daughter has had so many of her things stolen including uniform and stationary that she bought with her own money, PE kit, swimming kit etc. And she's not the only one - people are always having their stuff lifted by light fingered people who are never found out. I always raise it with the school and they do their best to address it but usually there is nothing they can do except speak sternly about it.

There are only 20 girls in the year and my daughter gets on with most of them but doesn't really feel that any of them are people she particularly likes and some of her friends seem controlling. They all live miles apart as well.

There is a very good state school nearby which I could move her to. But I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. As I say, academically her school is excellent and she has learned in a short space of time to work efficiently and revise for exams effectively. I am just not sure I want her to be in a school where many of the children have so little respect for anyone. Equally, though I would feel bad if I moved her and she didn't settle (she's been at all girl schools since she was 4). Or if her work went downhill as a result. Or if the Art department wasn't good enough, given that it's the thing she's most passionate about.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

I'm just posting an update, mainly for anyone else who may find themselves in this sort of situation.

I managed to get her into the state school which I ideally wanted for her so we were really pleased about that.

She started after half term and has already made friends. She really liked the school when we looked round and has been enthusiastic about joining. But the interesting thing for me is that maybe she hasn't been doing as well in the girls school as I thought. At the girls school she was thought to be very good at English and did better in her exam then the kids who have academic scholarships. But at this school she is not in the top set for English! She's been in a private school since she was 4 so this is interesting.

Also, thanks for your advice - it did help me to have the courage to move her. She is of course finding it very different to what she's used to but i think that in the long run it will be better for her.

she could well get bullied going to a state school from private, but obviously that would also depend on your area.
Speaking from bitter experience - even the teacher at my state school bullied me when I moved there from all girls private.
Made me sit at a table of boys, made me stand up and say what school i had been at...more or less said that i was lucky that people were friendly to me.,...

Wow, thanks for that helpful post Maria

was it not helpful?
I was just relaying my own experience in this area.
What's with the ' hmm' face? What's your problem?

I am truly sorry if I said something you didn't want to hear.
But you did ask.

I've already moved her if you read the thread properly. And as far as I know nobody has even mentioned her previous school.

Also times have changed hugely since we were at school. I would think that there are fewer incidences of students being humiliated by teachers now.

Glad the move going ok so far. Tbh if she's in state in y6 no one will even notice she's been at private school when she moves to high school in y7 so any bullying as a result of that isn't likely. The inclusiveness of state school is its best feature imo.

Well good I am glad that she is happy, but you DID ask..no need for [hm] faces now is there?
You are right it was a long time ago, but it was a very similar experience.

I asked for people to give their experiences when I started the thread in April, before not after I moved her! What shall I do with your advice? Move her straight back? If I read a thread I don't add something negative when the decision has already been made.

still on it Lottie? good grief.
What to do with my advice? Nothing really, just something to be aware of really.

Look, you said 'she could well be bullied'

It's not a helpful thing to post to a parent is it? Why would you want to be so negative unless you enjoy stressing people out? The only reason I revived the thread was to give an update on how she is now. And I don't think people are judged for having attended private schools any more these days. Some of her friends have moved into state with no issues. The girls school had loads of bullying going on which is why I moved her. I was worried that she might be worse off academically but it seems that probably won't be the case anyway.

Actually yes I think it is helpful, a parent needs to be aware.

And I do think people are judged for having attended a private school, more so now than ever before, as I said, this might depend on area.

I have obviously hit a nerve and I apologise for that.

Good grief, I would move my child from that school simply because of the way the child with autism id treated by her peers. That is appalling behaviour. Shows that money can not buy humanity, let alone manners. I wouldn't want my child to associate with such overpriviledged beasts.

The head didn't want to discuss the issue of the child with autism being bullied at all and seemed to gloss over it. I think that speaks volumes tbh.

Lottie - thanks for the update.

Glad to hear she's doing well and settling in nicely.

Well done for having the courage of your convictions and being brave.

Thanks Salty. We both felt when we looked at this school that it seemed lovely and also it has a good reputation for being good with sport. They also seemed so keen to have her at the school which I felt was a positive thing (and it's the most oversubscribed senior school in our area currently)

Yes, well done Lottie. As parents, we inevitably worry and feel guilty that we have done our best for our children, but it sounds as though you definitely have. My DC have moved between state and private quite happily; you just need to find the best fit for your child, whatever the sector.

Oops sorry just realised she's already in Y7. Glad it's gone ok though!