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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if you take your primary aged DCs to school and pick them up?

166 replies

Sunnydayinapril · 26/04/2016 06:57

First of all no one is being criticised

Looking into work that might be able to allow me in the future to do this (not an issue at the moment.)

My parents never did as they always worked. It didn't bother me.

But I think I'd like to pick my children up.

Do you, and if not who does?

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/04/2016 12:46

I'm lucky that I have flexible hours and DS's grandparents can have him sometimes during the day.
He's actually been given the house key, for emergencies, which he has never used and I don't want him to do it regularly at least until he's 12.

Lweji · 26/04/2016 12:49

I find that teenagers with headphones looking at their phones are the most at danger.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/04/2016 13:04

I find that teenagers with headphones looking at their phones are the most at danger.

Adults too. I know of someone who just lost a leg paying more attention to their phone than the road they were crossing.
DH regularly sees adults commuting to work on bicycles wearing headphones Shock as though they were completely invincible. They'd never dream of allowing a child to do it!

Lweji · 26/04/2016 13:09

I watched a grown up woman be hit by a bus (she was ok) because she didn't look left, but only right to the bus she wanted to catch.

And once I almost ran over another woman running to cross a pedestrian red light from behind a bus turning right (UK), because she wanted to catch the other bus behind.

I see adults crossing roads without even looking and walking along roads with their backs to the traffic (quiet roads, but still...).

I think older children in general are wiser.

Mamadothehump · 26/04/2016 13:09

3 DC's, y4, y2, yr. We all walk to and from school together every day. I work from home when they're at school.

Headofthehive55 · 26/04/2016 15:03

You have to unpick the statistics. Yes I imagine 18-20 years feature highly in accident stats, children don't, because they are walked to school. However, in the years they did, the stats would look different.

Or are you saying it makes them less safe?

My DD doesn't like walking alone much once the newness had worn off. There are no children to walk with near.

HappyFatty · 26/04/2016 15:24

I was send to child-minders from 4 to 14 and it scarred me as I hated it, hated feeling like I was a problem to be solved for my parents, I know now that Dm chose to work it wasn't a financial decision - She's not the maternal type. It still makes me sad when I see all these kids trooping off after a person who isn't their parent, in my head they're dejected though they're probably fine.

We both work however are S/E and so set out hours so we can do the drop off and pick up. Collecting Primary age kids for me is part of being a parent. We live 5 miles from the school and could get transport but why would we when we're able to collect the DC's. One family in our village neither parents work send their DC on the bus just because they can. Makes me sad, probably unreasonably.

Lweji · 26/04/2016 15:32

I know now that Dm chose to work it wasn't a financial decision

So did your dad...

She's not the maternal type.

And your dad was not the fatherly type?

Anyway, I know my DS enjoys the freedom of walking places alone. He's actually thanked me for letting him walk home the times he has and would be happy to come home alone instead of to his grandparents or elsewhere.

I don't see a problem with sending children on their own just because they can. It gives them practice to become fully independent students.
Of the type that doesn't need mum and dad to sort out Uni for them.

HackerFucker22 · 26/04/2016 15:39

Drop every morning, collect 2 afternoons per week. DP or MIL collect the other 3 afternoons.

Morning's are the only opportunity you get to go into class / talk to teachers. Afternoon's a teacher polices the door and sends the kids out as the parents arrive.

I do like picking up DS but equally I look forward to seeing him (and younger DD) a little later if it's a work day.

I don't see whether dropping / picking up bares any relevance to anything though?

Headofthehive55 · 26/04/2016 15:50

lewji it's a problem if your child is not keen on walking alone. I think the ability to be independent is not related to enjoying walking home alone. My oldest DD is very independent - I don't even do the uni run as she drives herself! Yet she always walked with me to primary school.

I do encourage independence, but children develop at different rates and if you enjoy walking to school with them, and they like it, why not?

Lweji · 26/04/2016 15:53

Of course.

I was just replying to the previous post that made it seem like children going alone to school were hard done by. And that parents were not being good parents for not walking them to school.

There's a balance, it's certainly not the case that parents should always take children to school.

lalalalyra · 26/04/2016 16:05

Ds2 (8 almost 9) walks to school himself. He walked with his sister last year before she went to high school. School is less than 5 minutes away and the road has a lollipop lady. A lot of children walk themselves to and from school (and quite a few do at lunchtime to go home for lunch as well). I'm usually in the school a couple of times a week so will bring him home, but the rest of the time he walks himself.

If they go to after school clubs then they have to be collected because there is no lollipop lady (although it's not a busy road) and there is less 'safety in numbers'.

I can't imagine a school contacting SS because a child walks to school themselves. Given how overstretched they are unless the school is accessed by crossing a motorway it seems very OTT. I also hate the attitude that once they are in Year X they can walk to school themselves. Parents need to judge when their individual child is ready. My DD1 could have reliably walked to school herself from 6 or 7 if she'd attended DS's school at the time whereas DD2 would have needed to be walked the whole way through. It should be about the individual child imo.

Chasingsquirrels · 26/04/2016 16:07

Ds2 has been going himself since yr 4 (when his brother moved up to secondary, before that I either dropped them or they went together) and coming home on his own since Easter of yr 4.

steff13 · 26/04/2016 16:22

My boys are high school aged, and they take the school bus to school. Once the oldest gets his driver's license, he'll drive them to school.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 26/04/2016 17:05

Headof Natsku was talking aboutsstatistics for Germany where children do walk, I think

Natsku · 26/04/2016 17:54

For Finland actually but yeah, where children do walk alone and manage to do so without getting run over by and large.

Mistigri · 26/04/2016 18:20

Regarding national differences in walking to school, the UK is different in that many British children don't attend their local school. Where I live in France you're usually a short walk from your primary school, and if not, there will be a dedicated school bus that even pre-schoolers take.

Where we used to live, the village school was a safe 5 minute walk down quiet roads and it would have been safe for a child to walk alone from age 6-7. From our current house, there is a very busy road to cross and you wouldn't let a child do it alone before age 9/10.

Gizlotsmum · 26/04/2016 18:23

A mix here. I work 3 days a week so do drop off and pick up twice a week. DH does drop off ( to breakfast club and childminder) the days I work. childminder does remainder of school and preschool runs. Until recently DH had a week day off so would do school run that day.

NerrSnerr · 26/04/2016 19:17

Laughing at the not criticising anyone and then criticising people for letting their kids walk alone. I would like to get flexible hours when my daughter is old enough to go to school but I would hope she could walk when she turns 9 or 10, the only road had a lollipop lady.

Original poster
Sunnydayinapril · 26/04/2016 19:20

Oh yeah I did do that didn't I, oh wait no I didn't!

OP posts:
NotCitrus · 26/04/2016 19:21

I used to work 3 days a week, so I did drop-offs with the odd breakfast club (childminders are like gold dust locally), then collect on my days off and they had after-school club on the other days, with DP collecting on 2/3 of those. Now dc2 has a half-day as does 2.5 days in nursery, so friend collects dc1 that day and I get her child another day, usually after an activity.

Doing drop-offs or collection yourself at least once a week is helpful for being able to have just quick words with the teacher/TA and ensure minor problems can be resolved before your child gets too upset.

It's a 20 minute walk with a couple nasty double-T junctions with no crossings, and a zebra by the school where the lollipop person has been got rid of, and cars often zoom straight over it. However if we went down 2 sides of a triangle instead of the diagonal route it would be about 7 min longer but much safer if the kids were on their own (traffic light at the corner, then about 12 minor roads), so in Y4 plan to go that way and then let dc1 go ahead after the light while I hang onto Y1 dc2. School won't let kids below Y5 out alone (Y4 with parental permission and planned route), though I know one Y2 kid walks to school (no roads to cross).

Juanbablo · 26/04/2016 19:47

Most children start walking alone (or with friends) in year 4. My eldest is yr 3 so we haven't tried it yet and school don't recommend it until year 4. They also don't allow anyone younger than year 4 to leave school unaccompanied.

Oldraver · 26/04/2016 19:57

DS is in Y5 and at the moment I drop him off outside the school gates and he goes in himself. He has had a morning at Breakfast club and I would have no problem with that if needed. Myself and or OH collects him.There is an afterschool club as well but we have decided that for the time being as I dont work we are there for the school run

Next year will work toward him being more independent in preparation for him going to Secondary. Comp is only 10 minutes easy walk and an easy walk so I am more confident of that..Primary is twice as far and a little convoluted.

With DS1 I was working fulltime and we had childminder issues in Y5 all the fecking time so he walked himself to school in YR6 about an hour after I left then went to afterschool club.

To be honest I found the whole working and sorting childcare so stressfull (no ones particular fault but we live in a very transient area and at least 4 childminders got posted after a few months) that with DS2 I have really wanted to be the one picking him up. I realise I am luck to be able to not work

Ilovewillow · 26/04/2016 20:04

I either walk or drive my daughter to school everyday - she is 7 and in yr 3! I either pick her up or my sons nanny pick her up!

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 22:46

Happy, our children love going on the bus. I began by driving in, but was soon being nagged at. It's harsh to presume the children would prefer not to.

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