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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if you take your primary aged DCs to school and pick them up?

166 replies

Sunnydayinapril · 26/04/2016 06:57

First of all no one is being criticised

Looking into work that might be able to allow me in the future to do this (not an issue at the moment.)

My parents never did as they always worked. It didn't bother me.

But I think I'd like to pick my children up.

Do you, and if not who does?

OP posts:
Natsku · 26/04/2016 08:35

I don't really think any primary school children should be getting themselves to school, unless in year 6

That doesn't really sound like 'no one is being criticised' as you said in your OP...

Lots of primary school aged children walk or bike to school by themselves - like in Germany its social death to be walked by parents once you're 7 here! My DD will be walking or biking by herself after the first the first few days (once I know she's sure of the route) for sure.

Millionprammiles · 26/04/2016 08:48

OP: do look carefully at how flexible employers are willing to be. Are there lots of other employees working part-time or flexible hours or compressed hours? Is there regular home working?
Or are mandatory team meetings at 5pm? Do managers tut and make snide comments about people 'leaving early'?

Some professions are quite inflexible so do look carefully. Every mother who went on maternity leave in our team returned to work. The majority quit altogether though when school started.
Wrap around care can be sporadic and often unreliable or scarce. Many of our local (London) schools have no after school clubs or insufficient spaces, for example.

Also look at how commutes would effect working hours.

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 08:53

Mine go by bus, I'm there now and again to pop in and check on things (plus pick up jumpers, coats, bags etc) but not there daily. It's fine.

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 08:53

Mine go by bus, I'm there now and again to pop in and check on things (plus pick up jumpers, coats, bags etc) but not there daily. It's fine.

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 08:53

Mine go by bus, I'm there now and again to pop in and check on things (plus pick up jumpers, coats, bags etc) but not there daily. It's fine.

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 08:56

Whoever posted tat 5/6 year olds walk alone, I'd hate that. Is automatically feel responsible for them whilst walking to school.

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 26/04/2016 08:56

Whoever posted tat 5/6 year olds walk alone, I'd hate that. Is automatically feel responsible for them whilst walking to school.

TheDowagerCuntess · 26/04/2016 09:08

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this - it's whatever your own family is able to manage under the circumstances.

DC are 7 and 5. DH does one drop-off a week, I do two, and our au pair does two. Our au pair does four pick-ups a week, and I do one. I specifically work from home one day a week for the very reason of being able to be at the school gate at the end of the day at least once a week.

Back when I was at primary school (early 80s), everyone walked unsupervised from a ridiculously early age. I seem to recall being sent off aged 6, or possibly 7 at the very latest.

stitch10yearson · 26/04/2016 09:09

Only until their tenth birthday. Then they had to walk home by themselves. And in Year 6 they had to walk to school by themselves. chaueffering them around does them no favours.

KP86 · 26/04/2016 09:10

Back in the early 90s I used to take myself to and from school from age 5. It was about a 2km walk/bike ride. In grade 1 (first year of school) I went with a few kids from up the road but the next year went by myself.

I'd like to think that if we live close enough I will let/expect DS to get himself to and from school from about 7yo.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/04/2016 09:11

Yr1 and yr4 are too far to reasonably walk although when yr4 is in yr6 she might walk home (30min). Yr6 in a different school we do a mixture of what works, often I will walk with her for company until she sees some friends. I think that need to be yr4 and above to walk alone (unless litually next door). It's all very well saying that they meet up with friends, but do those friends have parents who are keeping an eye out for the 5 and 6yr olds? Are they happy to be walking your child to school, do you take it in turns or are they grumbling? I have had both scenarios, one where we took it in turns and it worked really well. Another scenario when the dc weren't really safe, didn't stop at roads, parents didn't offer to take mine and you end up feeling a bit used.

I work c30hrs a week but my hours are flexible, bar the odd evening and Saturday, so as long as the work is done I can work hours to fit in with them. Suits us well.

steppemum · 26/04/2016 09:32

at our school gate there are about 50% parents, mums and dads mixed, many of whom work hours to fit. (so work til 3:00pm, of work 3 days per week)
then lots of grandparents, several childminders who do after school care and there are 2 after school clubs that pick up a raft of kids.

They are allowed to walk from year 4, although I would have been fine from year 3, and even younger one with older one from year 2, but we live close to school and no roads to cross.
Before that, someone has to drop off and wait in playground until class goes in, (or kids go to breakfast club) and collect after school.

It is nice to be at the gate at least once a week, it helps with friendships and understanding school etc.

Delacroix · 26/04/2016 09:37

Yeah.

Right now I can't figure out an alternative. No childminders here do pickups at this school, which really baffles me.

steppemum · 26/04/2016 09:44

I don't really think any primary school children should be getting themselves to school, unless in year 6

then you are out of step with the primary schools themselves.
They will all have some kind of policy about when they will allow children to walk home, ie, leave the premises unaccompanied.

It is usually around year 3/4. Rarely in year 2. Being in Key Stage 2 is often the cut off. I have seen it posted on here that schools would only allow year 5, but I think that is unusual. It is always with the written permission of parents though, that child x is allowed to walk home.

Obviously each parent has to decide based on where they live and the road situation round the school, whether or not their child can walk.

flowery · 26/04/2016 09:48

I drop mine off at breakfast club 4 days, and the other day I take them at 'normal' time and see them in.

I pick them up at 'normal' time 3 days and from after school club 2 days.

They are almost 9 and 6.

steppemum · 26/04/2016 09:49

Oh and when ds was at the school, I was walking up with 2 younger ones, but from year 5 he made a point of leaving before me and not walking home with me, as he was 'too old' and being with a parent was 'too embarrassing'

Fortunately he still loves a sofa snuggle where I find out what is going on in his life!

StillRabbit · 26/04/2016 09:50

The primary mine went to was a mile away with one main road and several other roads to be crossed.

I let DD walk to and from on her own from the second half of year six to prepare for going to secondary. Slightly tricky as I was still walking DS to school as he was several years younger.

Probably about 80% of the children were collected by their own parents with the rest being collected by friends parents or a childminder. The after school club was full and had 20 children each afternoon.

I went back to work when DS was in year five so I dropped him at breakfast club and a childminder a few doors from the school picked him up. DS is autistic and wasn't confident about coming home on his own and I always picked him up from the childminder on my way home (he was only there for half an hour a day).

When he started at secondary there was no choice, it is still a mile away but only two roads to cross....

Headofthehive55 · 26/04/2016 09:54

I have read that even age ten or eleven, children have not developed as good distance perception as adults. That's why they have more accidents on crossing the roads.
I used to Walk to and from school age 5. It was normal then. I noticed that as I grew older mums started waiting for younger children.

My year 6 comes home on her own.

NickiFury · 26/04/2016 09:55

Yes. She's in year 4 and I will do it as long as she wants me to, even into secondary school if she wants - though obviously would drive and drop her discreetly round the corner Grin. She has HFA but I would do it if she wanted me to even if she didn't have HFA.

Headofthehive55 · 26/04/2016 09:57

It's only year 6 that usually make the journey home here, you don't see any younger unaccompanied children. I don't know if it's a school rule, but if there is an after school thing only year 6 are allowed to go home alone.

NuckyT · 26/04/2016 09:59

We live rurally and the school is not within walking distance, so ours get a school taxi, the same as I got when we were at primary school. They are just picked up and dropped off basically from our door, and this is laid on as paid school transport.

Headofthehive55 · 26/04/2016 10:02

million I agree. Women seem to now stop work when children become school age due to childcare. I worked then moved areas, and people just couldn't understand why I didn't work, but I could get a nursery for the pre schooler, but no childminders or after school clubs or even holiday clubs in the area.

burblish · 26/04/2016 10:07

I'm on maternity leave at the moment, so can do both drops offs and pick ups for primary-school aged older DC. Once I'm back at work, DC will go to breakfast club and after school club, but I will still walk with DC there and back. It's a 25 minute walk that involves crossing a few main roads, including one which has no marked crossing places and a dodgy semi-blind corner. I don't think I'd be comfortable for DC to walk that way alone even in Year 6.

ThunderButt · 26/04/2016 10:07

In my area, all DC up to Yr 6 will not be released from school unless a parent/CM picks them up. I agree with this. I think the heavier traffic and idiotic drivers these days makes it much more dangerous than it would have been when I was a DC.

I walked on my own from about age 7 and the thought of my own DCs having to do that that horrifies me. Mind you my mother would still be in bed when I left Hmm.

I was surprised by how many parents at my DSs secondary still pick up and drop off by car up even though they must live quite close by due to catchment. DS2 has SN and he only started making his own way to school on his bike this year in Yr 9 still get mega stressed about it but he's taller than his Dad and had to start some time!.

StillRabbit · 26/04/2016 10:09

Just checked back through the school's policies.

From year five onwards parents could give written permission for children to go home on their own, otherwise children would only be released to a nominated person. DD sometimes collected her brother but she was nearly 16 by then.