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Original poster

Was I unreasonable to not give this woman back her child? Is DH now being a nob?

131 replies

NewToAllThis12345 · 25/04/2016 20:46

Hiya,

Just looking for some advice.

A year ago, I was at a train station, it was relatively busy.

A small child, who was around 4, was very close to the edge. I could not see his parents around at all. I had to go over to him, he definitely didn't seem too safe.

He said that he wasn't sure where his mum was - mum.

A man then approached us, thanking me and saying it was his child, saying his name. I asked the boy if that was his name; it was. I then asked if he knew the man, he then said "where is my mum?"

I was very confused and unsure what to do. I said to the man that I am going to have to say something to the station, as I want to make sure he is safe.

I went to a security guard. He told me to just hand the child over to 'the dad'. However, this boy never said to me that he was his dad, he just kept going on about his mum.

I said that I think it'll be best if I call the police, they said an officer would be there in half an hour.

The 'Dad' then snatched the child out of my hand and said that they were going to be late for the show. I tried to explain to the guard who said that he was obviously the dad as no one else had claimed to be his parents. I tried to run after them, but the he told me to just let them go and stop bugging them.

The police later arrived and said they would follow it up.

I do not know the outcome, I had to do a statement, but that was all.

Was I unreasonable? It's just, DH now makes jokes with our DC when we are out, saying I'm not allowed to hold their hand because he doesn't know if they're my kids, fucking annoying stuff like that.

OP posts:
Buckinbronco · 25/04/2016 21:53

surely the fact the police haven't asked you to be witness in a court case means it was nothing? I'm
Pretty sure kidnapping would've ended up in court

Shakey15000 · 25/04/2016 21:53

If it was my child who I'd lost sight of (as happens in a split second) I would be grateful that someone was making sure I was the parent/guardian/whatever. To the extent I'd probably be pulling out my phone and showing photos as proof.

Far fetched? Some of you may think so but heaven forbid it had been an attempted abduction which, sadly, wouldn't be beyond some people.

yorkshapudding · 25/04/2016 22:01

I asked him what the boy's last name was, he wouldn't tell me (I asked the boy his last name when we approached the guard, as I assumed the guard may need it) and I asked the boy what show they were seeing, he didn't even know he was seeing a show, the man claimed it was a surprise...Just I don't see why the man wasn't willing to cooperate, for someone who knew the child, he was very sheepish

To be fair, if a completed stranger had hold of my child and refused to hand them over to me I'd probably appear "sheepish". I wouldn't have been willing to tell you personal information such as my child's last name either. You were a stranger to this man and just as you were doubting his motives, he was equally entitled to be unsure of yours.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/04/2016 22:01

I had to give the police a description of both the boy and the 'dad', so the police wouldn't have needed me for that

If a child was missing they'd have had you back in the station the second they realised to try and get every last detail out of your mind. You'd have been there looking at mug shots until your eyes fell out of your head. If they realised at 3am they would have woken you up at 3am. With a missing child they don't worry at all about inconveniencing witnesses.

Nothing terrible happened. It was a crappy dad who didn't want his ex to discover just how crap he was.

But, as I said before, you were let down by the professionals. They "got away with it" by good luck rather than good judgement.

NapQueen · 25/04/2016 22:03

I think you are right to be suspicious and I would have been the same.

If a 4yo cannot confirm the man is his dad then there is somethig amiss. If it were my kid id be glad you were concerned - we need this more! I would however be able to give you proof and so would my child that we belong to one another.

ayria · 25/04/2016 22:04

Umm... I would like to think that any kid that is on their own gets handed back to the right person. You were right, he asked for his mum. And that is who he should have been handed back to, if not I would have hesitated to hand him over as well.
I definitely think you did the right thing! How could anyone question that?

I went wandering around to the sweet shop at 2. The police picked me up and even when my mum came running down the road to grab me off them, they still couldn't hand me over to my mum until one of her friend's saw and confirmed I was hers.

Now if someone had handed the kid over to a complete stranger, it would be on their conscience, it would mine anyway. No, you don't hand the kid over to the first person that claims to be their parent if the kid is saying otherwise. But then you don't know, he could have been having his weekend with his son so doesn't see much of him therefore asked for his mum?

timelytess · 25/04/2016 22:06

OP, I think you are right.

Original poster
NewToAllThis12345 · 25/04/2016 22:07

No, I don't think it was an abduction and missing child incident (if it was ever an incident at all) because I would have been looking at mug shots, etc. you're right. However, they may have caught up with him/found him, of course, that's now being paranoid, but I'm just trying to justify why I did it.

OP posts:
ChemistryHunt · 25/04/2016 22:08

I think you did the right thing.

As you haven't been contacted back by the police you can safely assume the man was the child's dad.

However at the time all the information you had was that the boy said he was with mum, didn't confirm if he knew the man or not and from your description seemed scared.

I would not hand a child to a man or woman of the child seems to not know who they were. I would alert the nearest "official" figure for assistance, in this case the station guard. I would assume they would have had some training in lost children.

A stranger could easily overhear a child's name before they got lost. Although not likely better safe than sorry.

ChemistryHunt · 25/04/2016 22:09

And yes your DH is being a mob. If one of your children got lost I am sure he would want whoever found them to take basic steps to make sure they went off with the right adult.

Swirlingasong · 25/04/2016 22:11

The strong likelihood is that the man was innocent but reacted badly. But, you did the right thing. I know someone whose parents have never let her forget that at a similar age she caused major issues at a border crossing by refusing to acknowledge her parents because she was cross with them about something or other. But, they have never once suggested that the officials shouldn't have done what they did to ensure that a child was safe.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 25/04/2016 22:11

I think you did the right thing. My DS is a similar age to the boy here, and if he ever gets lost I hope he will find someone like you who will try their best to help him.
Your DH is being very unreasonable however.

JuxtapositionRecords · 25/04/2016 22:14

But we don't know the guy was the dad just because he said 'that's my child', still could be friend etc

Anyway it's irrelevant op, you did what you thought was right and did a good thing, you had the boys best interest at heart. Better to be paranoid in these situations than not I guess. I think you need to tell your DH it still plays on your mind and his "jokes" about it are really bothering you.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 25/04/2016 22:20

I think you did the right thing. If it was my son and you questioned me before handing him back I'd like to think I'd be very grateful for your care about him.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/04/2016 22:22

You tried to do exactly what I was instructed by the police call handler to do. So you did do the right thing.

EveryoneElsie · 25/04/2016 22:24

You dont need to justify what you did. When a child wanders to the edge of a train platform, and the person who claims to be with them wont give any info to the guard, you call the police.

The guard needs a talking to.
And your DH needs to STFU.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/04/2016 22:25

Just so you know - despite our story ending happily (not long after the police appeared mum turned up) and it not being at all scary or confrontational for us, it still shook us all up,a bit. My Dd had nightmares that night, we were all a bit "off" for about a week, we don't go to that park anymore.

BadDoGooder · 25/04/2016 22:44

You did the right thing op.
I would rather have to prove my child was mine, and know that someone was looking out, than have even one minute of suspicion on me.

I once stopped a toddler jumping off a 10ft wall, when I looked around there was no one there watching. About a minute later a very flustered and cross man turned up, and practically snatched her off me. He turned to walk away but I stopped him and asked if he had known she was about to launch herself off a massive wall.
He was really shocked, and very apologetic, she had run off and got on the wall, and he had thought I was trying to snatch her! When he realised the danger she had been in, he changed his tune v quickly. The child was visibly pleased to see him.
If he had been a different way, or the child hadn't clearly recognised him, I would have done the same as you.

BadDoGooder · 25/04/2016 22:46

Meant to mention it was a sloping wall, so low at one end, high at the other.......she wasn't SpiderKid! Grin

Permanentlyexhausted · 25/04/2016 23:11

I think you did the right thing.

However, If the man was an uncle/friend, why did he say the boy was his? It was all very odd., I refer to my Brownies as mine when I'm out with them. It simply means a child for whom I am currently responsible, not that I'm claiming to have given birth to them.

Wdigin2this · 25/04/2016 23:30

I think what you did was absolutely correct, and I can well understand why you were unsure about the child going off with man!

However, you gave a statement to the police, and I'm assuming they've not come back to you on it...so, it appears nothing bad happened, thank God!

As for your husband, he can only rile you up if you respond......so just don't!

Original poster
NewToAllThis12345 · 25/04/2016 23:31

I get your point.

Just to let you know, you don't have to have given birth to a child for you to be a parent.

I have 3 very wonderful children, who I haven't given birth to.

OP posts:
amarmai · 26/04/2016 03:40

You did the right thing ,op. Hope the little boy gets a more secure life. Your dh is an ass.

GarlicShake · 26/04/2016 04:29

I think you REALLY did the right thing! The guard was a fuckwit and the PPs saying the child was "obviously" with the man don't seem to be thinking with their brains, either.

If the police gave you an incident number, you can phone and ask if there was any further news.

Your DH isn't funny. What is it with all these people who want to hand small children over to any adult that knows the kid's name? Have they never seen or heard a word of safety advice? If not, why not??!

PinkheartsPinkfarts · 26/04/2016 04:40

I once read a true story of a child who was snatched by the mothers sister. The sister was a drug addict and said she was taking the child for ice cream without the mothers knowledge and the mum caught them before they got in the van with the sisters male fiend.
A couple weeks later the same sister and male friend were caught trying to sell a kidnapped child to a paedo who was actually a cop.

Just cause someone knows a childs name doesn't mean they are with that child.
I think what you did Op was very smart because many people do turn a blind eye, i'm guilty of it as well but this is what child snatchers pray on, is the publics ignorance and good nature to not think these types are around us.

Shame you could not find what happened to the boy, hope he is ok.

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