AIBU telling DH he cannot take DS to spain without me?

[MrsH1989]

MIL just came back from staying with a friend in Spain and is saying we can go out for a 3/4 days if we want. I said I could only go term time and DH says "well me and DS can go without you". My answer to this is "no". He is a great dad in many ways but I don't feel he puts DS's needs before his own often enough to make good judgement calls on holiday. For example he often books a table for a restaurant for half 6 rather than half 5 (simply as he would prefer to eat at 7 than 6), knowing that DS will be having a meltdown by the time we leave at 8. He also ignores DS when he is on his phone (which is at least 3-4 hours of the day even on holiday) and then shouts at him for getting up to mischief when it is his fault for not watching him. MIL will go too because we "won't be able to find our way around the first time" but she often thinks we are being over-protective just because we put suncream on him at regular intervals .
It's quite likely, if he can be bothered to wait, that we could afford a long weekend during may half-term where I could go too. AIBU to say I don't want him to take DS without me?

Ricardian - that was just an example of him thinking of his own needs rather than DS. He does that at home- we usually go half board and do eat around 6 on holiday as we skip lunch to cut costs.

Fair enough OP.
Are you sure you wouldn't be able to do Amsterdam though. I am the the budget queen of getting maximum holidays for my cash! Cheap flight to Schipol ( go on a midweek day for cheaper flight prices) and use booking.com for accommodation in your price range? Just a suggestion!

WhathaveIlost - it would probably cost around £500 including spending money which is too much for us. and would feel sooo guilty The only reason DH is even considering this holiday is because he wont have to pay for accomodation and his mum will probably pay for meals out making it a cheap holiday abroad - less than an hour before he spoke to his mum he was saying how he thinks Spain is a bit rubbish. Whole other thread here though love him! He has actually fallen asleep with DS putting him to bed tonight. Debating whether to leave him there and have our bed to myself?

Fair enough OP but please don't fall into a habit that some if my friends did of feeling guilty about having money spent on themselves. Some years I have spent a lot on holidays when I have gone away either by myself or with friends. Other times DH has spent a lot on his hobbies. I see it as swings and roundabouts and as long as you both are fair and generous with each other I don't see the point in keeping the 'score' That said you both have to be in agreement and be with someone who doesn't take the Mick.

Yanbu. Surely if you can all go in May that is the better option. I would hate to be in another country than my DC when they are very little. And it only takes a minute for a child to run into road etc. Yes I am the anxious type but my DC have had accidents and I have lost babies.

If the trip to Spain means there's not enough money in the pot for a family holiday (assuming you'd like a family holiday that is), then I think it's unfair that DH takes DS and then you don't get to go away this year.

In terms of AYBU to not want DH to go to Spain, I think it's impossible for people online to know how he is likely to be in that situation. For all we know, he may be on his phone with DS wandering about poking his fingers into electric sockets. You know your DH and we don't. If you really don't think he is able to put DS first then YANBU imo. But if that is the case, then you really need a proper talk about what appropriate care of a young child involves and how to make him more aware of that and able to put it into practice. Saying that, I think to do that in a way that isn't accusatory or likely to put you DH into defensive mode, is a hard thing to do.

The idea of my kid not being well supervised by pool

I actually did stop my ex from taking my dd to the beach because he had absolutely no experience of supervising her and he would be drinking. However, the OP's husband takes their son swimming once a week, so I would imagine he knows what to do around pools at this stage.

I think it will do you all good for your husband to be alone in charge of your child for a few days. Everything to mention are things that, if he gets them wrong, will result in a frazzled child so, unless he is incapable of learning, he will quickly catch on the importance of these things.