Am I wrong to feel this way about it?

[Pixienott0005]

This is my first post regarding in law troubles so please go gentle as there have been lots on here where people get annoyed, from what I've gathered. Hear me out....

I usually have a good relationship with them both. When my son was born 2 years ago there were a few issues with them 'stepping on my toes'so to speak. We've managed to over come some of those issues gradually.

In June both of our families are going on a 10 day cruise (mine and dp family). My parents and my brother and dp parents and his brother and his wife.

We have a 2.5 hour coach journey down to Dover to depart for the cruise. My mother in law has a backpack for my son full of snacks and toys from her house that she said she is taking on the coach trip for him to keep him amused. She just announced earlier this week that she's got a few more bits to get for his bag. When I questioned what she meant she said oh I'm taking a bag for him, it's nearly packed ive got this and that she was explaining, and she has just got to get this toy she's seen and it'll be done. This has made me feel a little, well, annoyed if I am honest and a bit shocked. The fact she has got a bag for him and is taking her own toys and snacks for him to keep him amused is like, huh. Does she not think that me or dp will be doing that, of course we will.

It's really annoyed me to be honest. My parents would never do that or if they did theyd say to me, I know you'll be taking a bag for Samuel (changed name) but can I take a little something too. Or they'd ask is there anything you want me to take for you to make things easier. But if there was I wouldn't need either of them to pack a bag to keep my child amused on a coach journey.

My partner totally gets where I am coming from and knows how this looks. He says he needs to find the right time to tell her not to bother with it. The right time? Hardly like he's breaking some horrendous news is it. He thinks that his mother is not in any way deliberately trying to step on my toes but it seems kind of obvious that id be packing stuff for my boy. She's had 3 kids and should understand how it looks. She can't be that naive, surely?

To me it's not so much of a big deal if we could just say that she needn't bother. But now he's stalling and 'finding the right time'. The right time. Please!!

AIBU to be annoyed?

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Maybe it's just me, but if someone wanted to pack a bag to keep my kids amused on a long journey I'd dance for joy as a) saves me a job and b) suggests that person was indenting to keep them amused.

Win win win.

[bakeoffcake]

Is she going to put things in the bag that you don't approve of?

If so I can understand why you'd be annoyed, if not then YABU.

Just let her get on with it and enjoy your coach journey.

[IsmellSwell]

Young children and cruises are hard work. You can't relax for a minute (what with all the open decks and steep drops)

You will be extremely glad of having an extra pair of hands (and eyes) to help look after him during this 'holiday'.

[kimball]

I actually think she's just trying to be nice. You'll be away for 10 days so I think the toys will come in handy for the rest of the trip too. Sounds like it isn't part of a wider issue so try to let it go. It'd be more upsetting if she didn't care at all.

[Cornishclio]

Are you cross because you think your MIL is implying you would not have thought of packing a bag to entertain your son on a long boring journey as if it is a criticism on your parenting skills? I must admit I went on a long car journey last week with my DD, SIL and 6 mo GD and didn't take anything to amuse her as I knew my DD would have it covered. I think it sounds like a thoughtful gesture though but personally I would have checked first.

[IceMaiden73]

It sounds like a lovely thing to do and she probably though it would save you the hassle

Maybe you can do the bag for the way back?

It really seems very insignificant to get so upset about

[neonrainbow]

That's a lovely thing for her to do.

[upthegardenpath]

Trust me, by the time your DS is older and you've more experience yourself, things like this will cease to bother you.
She's just trying to help and obviously adores her DGS, what harm can that do?
It's really no reflection on how good a mother you are and how good at packing for a journey you may be!
Might turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
Bring a couple of essentials you would have brought anyway, for your DS and let her do the rest if she so wants to.
And BREATHE!

[LastInTheQueue]

I'd be annoyed too, but mainly because I can't stand this mentality that children need to be constantly amused.. It's 2.5hr hours, not a trip around the world!

[GabiSolis]

She perhaps should've mentioned it to make sure you hadn't already got something planned, but I think this is a very sweet thing for MIL to have done.

It sounds to me like you're looking for things to dislike with her, which I suspect is a hangover from you feeling she overstepped the mark previously. Your update suggests this was quite minor stuff though, so hopefully this won't overshadow the holiday.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

As long as she's carrying the bag, I'd be OK with it.

[sharknad0]

LastInTheQueue have you traveled with a toddler recently? They don't NEED to be amused, but for the sake of your fellow passengers, it's a normal thing to do if you want a peaceful and happy trip. Even if your trip only last 30mn, let alone more than 2 hours.

OP, I can see why you are irritated by your MIL. Let it go. You can give you little boy to her for awhile, and read a book/ nap/ chill and enjoy the start of your holiday. Do you know how many mums would kill to have help like this?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

You can't help it if you feel a bit put out but I would let this one slide.
You don't want to rock the boat (scuse the pun) if you are spending the following ten days on a cruise with them.

[PerspicaciaTick]

You are reading her actions as a criticism of your parenting. You seem to feel that she has judged your ability to entertain your child and found you wanting.

I suspect that she is just excited and wanting to make sure that everyone enjoys themselves from the moment they get on the coach.

Your DH wants to pick his moment before he pisses all over her idea.

You sound like you think it is all about you (rather than grandmother/grandson building their own relationship) and that does sound like hard work.

[sleeponeday]

To be honest, I think it sounds a lovely thing to do. She's just excited about her trip with her grandchild, and excited about planning things to do with him.

And personally, if I saw a granny with that, I'd smile and think how nice it must be, to be a granny and able to spoil and enjoy with none of the buck-stopping responsibility! I wouldn't think anything more than that, so I don't really get what you mean about how it looks. Plus... journeys with little ones are endurance tests. IMO you can never have too many distractions!

In terms of picking battles, I'd let this one go. In fact I'd be pleased, and let her help. And my MIL is a PITA (who would never think of doing this, anyway).

I am assuming there's a history here, though, and that's why it's raising your hackles.

[ohtheholidays]

Is this the first holiday your all have been on together?To me it sounds like your MIL is very excited about going on holiday with her grandchild and so wants to do something nice for him.

I'd let it go,if her trying to help out is all you have to worry about then I'd count yourself lucky.

[Judgementalsocialist]

I don't think you're BU pixie, that would get my back up too.
If she said, "I thought I'd get him a couple of new toys to start the holiday and keep him amused on the coach" I'd love it but "I've just to to get some bits for the bag I've packed for him" is so presumptuous and undermining.
I have a mother who is terrible for things like that so I get where you're coming from.

[Choceeclair123]

I think YABU. It's a nice gesture, "thank you" would be a good response. I wish my DC had grandparents.

[Youarentkiddingme]

I'm sure your MIl realises that you can pack a bag unaided.
She probably wants to do a nice thing for DS - and she is!

Really have to let this go or you want enjoy the trip if everything she does is taken that she doesn't trust you to do it.

[Pixienott0005]

Judge - those words were on the tip of my tongue. That's exactly how it feels.

Presumptuous because she thinks she's going to be sat with him. Undermining because she sees it her place. No mention of it to us before she didn't ask she just did and annouced. It's rude in my opinion.

[curren]

Well if these are the sort of things she has done before that 'stepped on your toes', I would say the problem is your perspective.

She isn't saying he must sit with her or you can't take anything. She has tried to do something nice.

[TealLove]

Jesus you are cross because you think that means she will sit with him?
I honestly think you are being so ridiculous here.

[PerspicaciaTick]

In which case (unless there is a massive drip feed lurking on the horizon), your opinion is unreasonable.

When I hosted a 40th birthday meal for a mixed group of parents and children, I provided a party bag for each child to keep them entertained during the meal. I didn't ask permission from the parents, I wasn't trying to undermine anyone. I wanted everyone to have a lovely time. I would have probably ditched any adult who deliberately misread this small act of kindness as "rude".

[neonrainbow]

You sound really really controlling. Your child isn't your property. Its lovely that his grandparents want to be involved. I think you need to chill out a bit and let his grandma spoil him a little. I really think you need to get a grip.

[MyLocal]

Oh god, OP, it makes me not want to have grandchildren, you are being massively unreasonable. Like others have said, unless there is back story, you are being weird. Why would your MIL think she is sitting with DC because she bought a bag of goodies? I can only see love and kindness.

As someone who took their DC on a coach journey to Disneyland Paris at 18 months and 4, I would be letting off party poppers and cracking the prosecco if my MIL had wanted my DC to sit with her.