Am I wrong to feel this way about it?

[Pixienott0005]

This is my first post regarding in law troubles so please go gentle as there have been lots on here where people get annoyed, from what I've gathered. Hear me out....

I usually have a good relationship with them both. When my son was born 2 years ago there were a few issues with them 'stepping on my toes'so to speak. We've managed to over come some of those issues gradually.

In June both of our families are going on a 10 day cruise (mine and dp family). My parents and my brother and dp parents and his brother and his wife.

We have a 2.5 hour coach journey down to Dover to depart for the cruise. My mother in law has a backpack for my son full of snacks and toys from her house that she said she is taking on the coach trip for him to keep him amused. She just announced earlier this week that she's got a few more bits to get for his bag. When I questioned what she meant she said oh I'm taking a bag for him, it's nearly packed ive got this and that she was explaining, and she has just got to get this toy she's seen and it'll be done. This has made me feel a little, well, annoyed if I am honest and a bit shocked. The fact she has got a bag for him and is taking her own toys and snacks for him to keep him amused is like, huh. Does she not think that me or dp will be doing that, of course we will.

It's really annoyed me to be honest. My parents would never do that or if they did theyd say to me, I know you'll be taking a bag for Samuel (changed name) but can I take a little something too. Or they'd ask is there anything you want me to take for you to make things easier. But if there was I wouldn't need either of them to pack a bag to keep my child amused on a coach journey.

My partner totally gets where I am coming from and knows how this looks. He says he needs to find the right time to tell her not to bother with it. The right time? Hardly like he's breaking some horrendous news is it. He thinks that his mother is not in any way deliberately trying to step on my toes but it seems kind of obvious that id be packing stuff for my boy. She's had 3 kids and should understand how it looks. She can't be that naive, surely?

To me it's not so much of a big deal if we could just say that she needn't bother. But now he's stalling and 'finding the right time'. The right time. Please!!

AIBU to be annoyed?

[Pixienott0005]

No back story to really touch on to be truthful. Just little things like buying the same Christmas presents and things like that knowing that we've ordered train sets but they go and buy one too. That kind of made us feel a little like toes were being stepped on.

Not sure why it is bothered me as much as it has. It just took me by surprise and I hadn't thought of either sets of parents doing it.

[IsmellSwell]

Horrible MIL - trying to help her DIL by keeping GS amused on holiday.
How dare she?

She's YOUR son! Not Hers!

[lavenderpekins]

Your little ds will love it. Allow her to do this for him - it's lovely!

One day she'll be gone and you'll look back on this very badly if you had stopped her from doing such a thoughtful selfless thing for her grandson. Plus it could be the start of precious memories for your son!

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

Presumably she doesn't have any little ones to be doing this sort of thing for - that's one reason she wants to do it. Also presumably, having had three of her own, she knows that sorting and packing for everyone before the holiday can feel like shitload of work, so she's thinking it'll save some hassle for you. Also, not having any little ones at home, she gas the free time and headspace to dedicate to rhis sort of tedious task.
I'd be thrilled if any grandparent to mine showed that kevel of interest and involvement, but I suppose there's a backstory to all this in your case.
Don't forget there's also the journey home - maybe you could apply yourself to providing distraction then if you can be arsed.

[DancingDinosaur]

Does it matter? You might find the extra stuff a life saver. I'd only be miffed if I was expected to carry it. Other than that, theres no problem.

[Excited101]

You are being ridiculous. There is absolutely no difference between her doing that, to if she had said she was excited about putting together some presents for him for Christmas and you'd got possessive about it as you wanted to give him presents yourself.

Choose your battles and have a word with yourself. There are many parents who would give their left arm for grandparents wanting to be thoughtful like that.

Get some perspective op!

[IsmellSwell]

'he's' your son.

[nokidshere]

I don't get why this stuff causes so much angst to be honest - buying presents is easy, don't discuss what you are buying beforehand with her, although you might find that he ends up with two anyway if everyone knows what he likes.

As for the bag, tell your husband to say nothing, why cause upset for no good reason? Especially when you are about to spend a holiday in an enclosed space with them!

[TealLove]

It's a lovely thing to do. Not out of the ordinary at all. My mum often hands me a little goody bag for DD when we go away. I say thank you and take it

[PPie10]

You are utterly ridiculous. Absolutely need to give yourself a talk. she sounds thoughtful and you sound hard work. So what if she brings a bag for him? Really ask yourself what is the big deal. Sound like because she didn't run it past you, you have a problem. Bring this up with her and you can create a problem over something so stupid. Seriously I can't see what her crime is.

[PinkParsnips]

I think You to be honest, it's harmless enough and I'd be grateful if my Mil did that, in fact my mum did this for my DD when we went on holiday together recently and it didn't cross my mind that it was anything other than a nice thing to do, but it sounds like it's part of a wider issue for you with your Mil.

[PinkParsnips]

*YABU

[rookiemere]

YABU unless there is some massive back story.

Also I do think this is one you can discuss directly without asking your DH to get involved. If it irks you just say " It's a really kind thought but we've already got a bag for Samuel and plan to bring x, y & z." In fact I've no idea why you didn't say it at the time.

Honestly people just seem to be hanging around looking for things to be irked about.

[lorelei9here]

OP, she buys exactly the same gifts knowing you've bought them? That's odd.

[gamerchick]

I never understand the locking of horns with devoted grandparents over who gets to love the bairn the most. There is nothing you've posted OP that shows issues. I would have been happy if my kids grandparents were half as bothered.

Bairns don't get full up when it comes to being loved. Let go of the reigns a bit.

[SabineUndine]

I would be furious too. However you're going to have to rise above it and let her get on with it.

[Canyouforgiveher]

Yikes, I've done this for other people's children who are about to travel from US to Ireland - put together bags of games/toys/books for them as a gift before they leave. It didn't occur to me anyone would be offended.

[Pixienott0005]

There are no issues with them otherwise this holiday would not be including me

Exactly why I asked the question on here as opposed to fluffy old Netmums or yahoo answers.

[angielou123]

I don't think I'd like it either actually. Like you say, you are more than capable of packing things for your own son. You know how long the journey is, how many snacks/games/comics/etc are needed and probably know more than her what he would like in said bag. However, I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful so it's hard. If it was me, I would pack my own bag, which you are fully entitled to do despite her packing one, and say to her on route that there was really no need for her to have packed one also, unless she thinks you are an airhead! Don't let it ruin your trip.

[chaseisonthecase]

YABU. 2yo children get bored very quickly with the same toys. I can't imagine there'll be a massive amount of stuff for him to do on a cruise, so I think the new toys and things that his grandma has got him will come in very handy.

My grandma does this kind of thing for my DC. I've never been anything other than grateful. I find it hard to understand how you can be cross about your son's grandma wanting him to enjoy his holiday too.

[wombattoo]

I think you are creating problems where none exist.

Accept the bag she is offering. One thing less for you to do.
Would you be upset to discover that your own dm had prepared something similar?

[MyLocal]

YABU and PFB, by the time the second has come along you will be thinking "thank fuck for that, one less thing I have to worry about and she's saved me a mint, good old MIL"

[IsmellSwell]

Is it my imagination, or have mothers become more possessive over their children these days?
I see so many threads where mothers are jealous of the MIL's involvement with their child.
Maybe it's always been the case, but I don't think so

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

You are being extremely precious and silly. She's just doing a sweet thing for her grandson! When someone else kisses and cuddles him, do you get annoyed, saying ' We're his parents! WE should be doing that! Of course not! Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Sheesh.