to not want to go to christenings?

[GreenGoth89]

On several grounds - firstly because I feel in this day and age if you want a naming/welcoming to the world ceremony it doesn't need to be in religious context. I feel it's hypocritical when the parents aren't religious and have no plans to become so, and not allowing a child to have free choice in later life about their spiritual choices - you can't be unbaptised! It's one thing bringing a child up in a culturally religious context or with the teachings of religion or spirituality but I feel especially if you don't actually believe in God baptism of a child without them knowing what it means and agreeing with it isn't right.

DP thinks I'm being highly unreasonable even suggesting I won't go to a (not even remotely close) friend's new born and 5 y/o daughter's joint christening ceremony because I feel it's not right, in the same way that people that don't have religious families or are religious themselves shouldn't have a wedding in a church just because they like the venue. It makes it a meaningless practice! (I'm not religious btw, but I am spiritual) I'm aware I'll most likely be hounded out of town but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

No, they've probably decided to go for the faith school after all is what I would think?! Just like we did. But we didn't have a CofE baptism because we preferred not to, and it wasn't one of the admissions criteria either. We all make choices we feel are best for ourselves and our families. The system is out-dated at best and has become slightly nuts really, but I can't change all that on my own. So like many others I did what seemed best for my DC.
Whilst I went to church with my DC we got quite a lot from the experience especially from the belonging to an all-age community aspect, and contributed our bit too I think.

I think you have no right to judge a family for wanting a new baby to be baptised, and unless you've been asked to be a godparent where you have to say out loud that you renounce the devil and make promises that you have no intention of keeping, then I think going to a christening - or any religious event from any faith - is just to slow your support to the family and you can still promise to be part of their lives and look out for them and just ignore the religious bits. Would you also refuse to go to a wedding from a different culture if a friend of yours married into it on the basis that you don't believe in it?

You are being petty. Massively judgmental of the parents and you've also lost sight of it being about celebrating baby, thats the main thing. I go to friends' christenings and don't even think about their level of religious devotion in terms of the baby, and whether those live up to my standards or not! Your DH is going with your DSS, you don't sound as if you like these people much and you don't want to go anyway - you can stay home on your very high horse, so thats that.

You are now mentioning "what people will think" only because you feel if you don't go, then nor should your DH (strange to need that level of control) and now that he is going, you possibly think thats going to show you up. Have the courage of your own convictions - you don't like the religious set-up, wanted to make a statement by not going - well, now you're not going. Job done

Seems that whilst any other kind of judgement directed at individuality is wrong, it is ok with the majority on here to throw names at people who choose to make public a celebration of the introduction of their child into a life of faith.
To say "they are not religious" is also quite a sweeping generalisation - how do you know this? To choose to live your life following a faith need not mean that you dress in a habit or publicly preach.
If you do not wish to attend or send anything that is absolutely your decision (and a Christian of any denomination would accept that) but to be so judgemental and accusatory in regards to the invitation to a celebration is just wrong!
I am Catholic if that matters. I am sure a lot of my friends do not know or care "how religious" I am but people of all faiths and denominations including Atheists and Agnostics attended my daughters welcoming to the Church.
I didn't get married in a Church actually - though did have a blessing, does this also make my daughters Christening a mockery?
As you say not close friends. Not a surprise. I would have been great full to have been invited and simply politely declined instead of jumping on MN and ridiculing their faith and their choices.
You should reconsider your own actions as a friend.

I'm struggling with this at the moment too but as a parent rather than an invitee-dh wants to get our dc christened this year, I feel it's hypocritical as neither of us believe or are involved in church, and I felt that it was pushing aomething I don't believe in onto my dc.

I spoke to my dm about it as she is v religious and heavily involved in church. As she points out its still beneficial for the church to have ceremonies even if from non believers, and both me and dh were christened and have come to our own conclusions in adulthood.

I now think we will have the christening but I'll look at it as a cultural tradition (like Christmas) and try to enjoy it that way!

YANBU not to want to go. But, it is an invitation not a summons. Decline the invitation of you choose. The world will still turn.
In this world there are people with views entirely opposite to yours. Doesn't make them wrong and you right or vice versus, just different.

Yanbu. Most folks do christenings out of tradition, and not because they believe in God. I am an atheist, I had a lovely civil naming ceremony for my daughter. The ceremony itself was all about my daughter and the people important to her, rather than a christening where it is all about God and Jesus, with a fleeting mention of the child's name and their godparents. Every child christened by the way is noted and counted as being a Christian by the church, this is annoying for me, I can't unbaptise myself. I don't think people should be allowed to be baptised till they are 18, and can make the decision themselves whether they wish to believe in a man made deity.

Yanbu.

I know a couple that are 100% atheist that got married in a church because it was more 'traditional' and looked better on the pictures and christened their baby as a sort of new baby party . They're not dimwits usually, they're both uber lefty secondary school teachers anyway. I was . It happens quite a lot. My mum's best friend had her DC christened but none of them ever attend church. So what's the fucking point? Hipocrisy at its best.

I am vaguely pagan Good for you.

But it's their choice. It's their day or their kids day and it's not like they are taking the kid out into the wilderness to make a blood sacrifice.

I'd be really pissed off if people announced that they wouldn't come to a birthday party because there'd be booze there, or a church funeral for my dad because he was a honking aethiest (although a traditionalist), or my kids Nativity pay because it was christian indoctrination.

I've been to weddings, funerals and naming ceremonies of loads of types but I've never sat front row po-faced with disapproval. It's not about me.

I don't care if my friends decide to marry in a paddock, naked, covered in body paint and singing la Marseilles, as long as nobody get killed or mutilated.

I had my DC Christened ad I am religious but they were small family only services and tea party after. I love Christening even if the family aren't religious as it I s a beautiful service and all children are welcomed with open arms at our church.

YANBU. I'm not christened and have never been invited to a christening as none of my friends are religious so it is quite an alien concept to me.

But it is U to not go to something because it's different to your own belief surely? I didn't decline my friend's wedding invite because she's Hindu and I'm not. I'd have been upset if my close friends (Hindu, jewish, atheist) had not come to dcs baptisms on principle, the same way I'm guessing my friends would be upset the other way round. An invite isn't an attempt to convert you or try and change your views.

I don't understand why it's a problem? Your opinion is completely valid, and it's certainly not unreasonable to disagree. Politely decline the invitation and explain that you would feel uncomfortable sitting in a Church. What's the point in subjecting yourself to listening to a load of tosh you don't care about or believe in for hours? You don't have to comply, you are an individual.

If other people want to conform to traditional religious practises in order to gain perceived social prestige from their family and peers, then that it their choice. They will have to deal with the consequences when their child grows up and realizes that they have been unwittingly initiated into a religion, just to make their parents think that they look good.

*is

I keep my opinion to myself, sit through one excrutiatingly hour long Catalan mass after another and make a wee gift for the child in question. Enjoy the free lunch, have a nice chat with other invitees, then go off and enjoy the rest of my life.

It's really no biggie. (Except Catalan mass is arse-achingly tedious, did i mention that?).

Yabu. We live in a Christian country, so naturally much of our culture and heritage is based around Christian festivals and Christian ways of celebrating major life events. Expecting people to just give up all that stuff is pretty unreasonable. It's part of the way we've done things for over a thousand years - it's not surprising that even the atheists among us are fairly fond of them. Would you like to ban atheists from joining in with Christmas and Easter too?
Haven't rtft - did the OP explain what 'I am spiritual' meant?

Oh and if you are only standing by your anti - christening principles because this is the child of someone who's not a close friend, then ya even more bu.

I really hate going to weddings and christenings when I know the couple/parents aren't religious. I feel it's really disrespectful to the church.

I'm not religious and wouldn't pretend I was just so I could have a "traditional" wedding or christening. Do people do it with other religions?

The church don't mind though oldjack, they know and they don't discourage anyone as far as I can see. Everyone (who's unmarried) who lives in a parish (everyone lives in one of them) has a right to be married in the CofE church there I think? Possibly it's the same with baptism?
Though for both you may need to say why you'd like to do this?

Completely your personal choice. If you don't want to go don't, just be honest with your friends.

I had my sons baptised, I'm not strictly religious (don't go to church weekly) however I do have faith. the bible teaches so many lessons to young children when taught thought out as they get older and this is one of many reasons for them been baptised. It's also a tradition that has been with both mine and DH family since records began it seems so we felt it was right for us

Just for general info you can also get married in a variety of other churches if you can show a link with them .... so anywhere you've previously lived, or your parents have lived, or anywhere you've attended services at any time in your life, including recently if you want to put 6 mths commitment in for somewhere really special. Generally all of these for at least 6 mths I think? But for example could be somewhere one of your parents lived at some point for 6 mths as a child ... I think Check it out if interested on the CofE weddings webpage ... they're very straight-forward and clear about qualifying criteria.

If you feel that strongly about it you are right not to go.
I agree with you - I'm not religious at all but hate that people pretend they are just to have a party and get some presents. Having said that I have attended Christenings in the past because it was just easier than upsetting people.
I did however refuse to be Godmother to my cousins dd because I didn't want to stand up in church and make a promise I had no intention of keeping and indeed that her parents wouldn't want me to keep.

Surely this must have happened with pretty much every religion in every country ever? As the religion's hold and popularity wanes, many of its cultural practices remain because they have become part of normal life. Some people are keen to immediately wash their hands of any religious trappings at all, others keep their faith, and the vast majority in the middle continue with the festivals and rituals which still appeal to them, while abandoning those which don't.

Even the church itself doesn't seem to have a cut-and-dried approach - many seem keen just to get people through the door regardless of their beliefs.

If I were living in a country with a different religion, I would happily and interestedly take part in special celebrations, weddings, naming ceremonies and events which were part of that religion. And it certainly wouldn't occur to me for a moment to be fretting about whether the couple getting married etc were 'real' Hindus/Sikhs/Catholics etc.

I could understand the OP's annoyance more if she were a Christian. Being offended by non-religious people having a religious ceremony when you don't even follow the religion yourself seems a little... over-zealous (especially when the church themselves are presumably perfectly happy to let thousands of people use its facilities in this way)!

Exact, Juggling. A bit like sending your dc to the village CofE school (which I happily do, even though I am an atheist).