to not want to go to christenings?

[GreenGoth89]

On several grounds - firstly because I feel in this day and age if you want a naming/welcoming to the world ceremony it doesn't need to be in religious context. I feel it's hypocritical when the parents aren't religious and have no plans to become so, and not allowing a child to have free choice in later life about their spiritual choices - you can't be unbaptised! It's one thing bringing a child up in a culturally religious context or with the teachings of religion or spirituality but I feel especially if you don't actually believe in God baptism of a child without them knowing what it means and agreeing with it isn't right.

DP thinks I'm being highly unreasonable even suggesting I won't go to a (not even remotely close) friend's new born and 5 y/o daughter's joint christening ceremony because I feel it's not right, in the same way that people that don't have religious families or are religious themselves shouldn't have a wedding in a church just because they like the venue. It makes it a meaningless practice! (I'm not religious btw, but I am spiritual) I'm aware I'll most likely be hounded out of town but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

Christenings/baptisms aren't naming ceremonies as the person already has a name. They are are welcoming into the church family.

It's for the Christian God, not us, to judge someone else's reasons for having their child christened and choosing a Christian upbringing in their family. If it turns out the young person doesn't want to get confirmed when they're older, there's no obligation.

Simply don't go. But you ABVU to suggest someone isn't religious 'and have no plans to'. A lot of people 'find religion' when they have a baby. How on earth do you know what goes on in other's hearts and minds?

A baptism is Not a naming/welcoming ceremony! And who said it can't be undone? If the person baptized later chooses a different religion surely they will think that their baptism 'didn't mean anything' and they can go ahead and practice whatever they choose?

i know people that seemingly 'aren't religious' but ended up to be very religious and visa versa. I really think you need to worry about yourself and not other's choices.

There are some really unpleasant comments on this thread.

In the church of England, baptism is a rite to welcome a child into the church community and it is explicitly recognised that parents and godparents are making promises on behalf of the child. That's why confirmation exists; to allow a person to consider whether this is how they want to continue to live their life and to make a conscious decision about whether to enter into full communion.

I do understand that there is hypocrisy and cynicism in some parents' choice to baptise their child, but you have no right to make this judgement of somebody else.

I am religious but don't baptise my babies either. They can choose to be baptised if they want to, as adults.

We don't raise them to believe in anything, specifically. I want them to decide.

Aside from that, I would be quite happy to go to a Christening, Bar Mitzvah, or other religious equivalent ceremony.

The Catholic Church has explicitly said it can't be undone Tower.

I don't understand why anyone would be upset about being baptised as a baby if they subsequently turn out to be atheist. Surely if they don't believe in God, then it's just a few meaningless words to them and a bit of water over the head. I could more readily understand a Christian wishing that they could have been baptised earlier if they weren't.
Either way, I don't see the harm in celebrating the birth and naming of a baby in whatever way the parents choose.

I agree, while it may not technically be 'undone', it really doesn't matter (in the UK anyway) as, if you don't believe in the significance, then it doesn't really have any. I'm sure most children are splashed with water for a variety of reasons which aren't particularly significant to them either.

couch - I would be annoyed if I had been christened as a child because as an atheist, an association with the church is not something that I want, even if it was just a few meaningless (to me) words and water over my head as an infant. I don't feel that anyone has the right to make a decision like that for me. I feel very strongly about religion and the church, and I don't want anything to do with it in relation to me.

Turn it the other way round, if you had atheist parents who had indulged in some sort of atheist ritual when you were a small child, which essentially pledged that you wouldn't be religious, and actually appointed the equivalent of 'god' parents to guide you in your non-religious journey, would you not be a bit irritated that someone had made that decision for you?Obviously this doesn't happen, but it'd be no different from a christening if it did!

Well it matters to me! I am not an atheist (I think) but I am very angry and upset with the Catholic Church and it bothers me that I am still a member and can't leave.

It's not a dichotomy between you are a believer vs you are an atheist so its meaningless.

Or what mayo said.

As others have said, if you don't want to go then don't go! I'd be careful to presume to know/ judge the motives of someone else though. In our church a lot of people get married and have baptisms who don't normally come to church and just because they are not regular it doesn't mean that the ceremony doesn't mean something to them.

YANBU. It's absolutely none of your business if your friend has her kid christened or not, but you don't have to go.

It's not about you, its parental choice.

How would you feel if they had a hissy fit because you chose not to have a baptism, or go for a naming ceremony in the woods?

YANBU, I don't understand why people who haven't got a religious bone in their body would christen their children. My nan kept on at me to have daughter christened, I'm not going to do it but if thats the path she wants to take when shes older then so be it

YANBU. I would like to say though that I can totally understand Imaginosity's case as an exception, but I am cross that she has been put in that position to be honest.

I don't think yabu, but, if you don't know the family well, you don't know what the baptism actually means to them.
Both my children are christened, we are not devout, but, take them both to church activities where possible, to the mothers day service and to the children's Christmas eve service. We don't share this on social media so 75% of our guests wouldn't even know this and probably think it was an excuse for a jolly with gifts. Whatever.
Our children are encouraged to be open minded, once they are old enough too, they can declare themselves atheist if they so wish.

As a mum of two DD's that have both been baptised in the Catholic church I feel YABU.
But that being said I totally get the point you're making about parents have their children baptised/christened into a faith that they are not following themselves and therefore won't be willing to teach their children about. The whole ceremony is a farce if this is so as you're breaking the promises you make to God through the ceremony which is what is all about. Welcoming your children into the church. So if it's only in that context you wouldn't attend YANBU.
DD1 attends a catholic primary school and I take her to Sunday mass anytime we're able to go although admittedly not every Sunday. DD2 is too small for mass yet so stays at home with non religious daddy. She has been baptised though and neither of my girls baptisms were an excuse for a big party or to receive gifts. Both baptisms we had a lovely little tea afterwards and didn't expect gifts although they did both get some lovely things.

Greengoth89 totally agree - especially christenings! Never again unless it is a practising Christian family!

QOD. Just because the question / box is on a form doesn't mean you have to answer / tick it. I never tick the ones asking what my ethnicity is - unless it is for medical reasons.

Anyone wanting to know my religious / spiritual persuasion can jog on!

I only go to my own DCs christenings because having DC christened was the only deal breaker for DH. Everyone else's I just show up at the party afterwards.

Nones going to christen their child if they are not Christian ffs. If these people are friends surely you would go even if you are not christian yourself?!

My dh is cross at having been baptised as a child into a religion he doesn't believe in, his mum wasn't even religious really either. He was even more cross when her second husband's family organised her religious funeral....

I have only ever been to one christening apart from my own. I would think it odd to have a christening unless you were actually religious though.

When our ds3 was born, our new neighbours presumed there would be a christening and were surprised when we said we would do no such thing - our other two ds haven't been either. We said we just weren't religious and they didn't see this as the point (oddly). They've had their daughters christened and haven't been to church since.

I wholly disagree with getting a child christened unless the parents fully follow the faith, and even so, I still believe that a child should be allowed to come to any religious conclusions themselves, with as much information at their backs as possible. It shouldn't be something that you just push you kids into for the sake of it. It's a weird concept.

I struggled when my dh's neice and nephew had a christening. Neither parent attends church regularly - well, they did in the run up to the christenings to show face, as it were, which I don't agree with either. They haven't been since and I don't believe they will go again. There was a huge deal made about those members of the family who didn't attend the ceremony. Or give presents.

I imagine I was talked about a lot as 1. I didn't go to dh's niece's ceremony because my own two children were very young and I really didn't think it was appropriate for them to interrupt the ceremony (which they would have!) We went to the after party thing though, and 2. I negated to give dh's nephew a gift. I'd just had my own baby, we were skint and I couldn't find anything which wasn't just another crappy thing that would end up in the bin in years to come. Dh didn't bother his ass to get a gift either though, so precisely why this is my fault remains to be seen, but you know...

We have just had our 9 month old christened but I go to church every Sunday. I am pleased to say that most of the people we invited decided to join us in out day (most of whom are not regular church goers) and we had a lovely afternoon. My older daughter (who was christened at about 6 months old and is now 7) did one of the prayers as did my niece, nephew and god children. I don't necessarily understand the point of naming ceremonies but if a friend invited me to share in a special day I would make every effort to be there. It is an opportunity to spend time with those that are important to us. #lifeisshort

Spiritual is someone who believes in 'something' in the sense of a god or greater force within the universe but doesn't choose to practice a religion as part of this belief. It is possible to have spiritual beliefs but not feel the need or desire to fit those beliefs into a box of someone else's making, Ie religion.