to not want to go to christenings?

[GreenGoth89]

On several grounds - firstly because I feel in this day and age if you want a naming/welcoming to the world ceremony it doesn't need to be in religious context. I feel it's hypocritical when the parents aren't religious and have no plans to become so, and not allowing a child to have free choice in later life about their spiritual choices - you can't be unbaptised! It's one thing bringing a child up in a culturally religious context or with the teachings of religion or spirituality but I feel especially if you don't actually believe in God baptism of a child without them knowing what it means and agreeing with it isn't right.

DP thinks I'm being highly unreasonable even suggesting I won't go to a (not even remotely close) friend's new born and 5 y/o daughter's joint christening ceremony because I feel it's not right, in the same way that people that don't have religious families or are religious themselves shouldn't have a wedding in a church just because they like the venue. It makes it a meaningless practice! (I'm not religious btw, but I am spiritual) I'm aware I'll most likely be hounded out of town but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

I was Christened. Happily, my education taught me how ridiculous and unpleasant religion is but I'd still go to a Christening if invited; it's good manners.

Our children are Christened as it's what DH wanted. I have faith that they won't be religious and they only had magic water dropped on them ffs, they weren't branded.

I don't see them as grabby as the presents are shite. Little picture Bibles and birth certificate holders! Not even close to the tab we picked up taking family to a nice meal afterwards.

It's not more hypocritical than getting married in a church when you don't believe in the big man on the cloud either.

I'm far more judgemental of people who talk about 'welcoming to the world' ceremonies or describe themselves as "spiritual".

Christenings are a good chance to celebrate the new arrival and have a naming ceremony ....I'd go to a christening over a baby shower etc..

I think you should go and keep quiet about your disdain if you want to keep the friendship.

I'm in Ireland and not religious - I had to have my children baptised as of the three local schools in my area two are Catholic and one is Church of Ireland. The vast majority of schools on Ireland are. If you aren't a member of the church there is a very good chance you won't get in to any school in this town. Preference is given to baptised children. If my child didn't get in to the local school i'd have to drive him to a different town to a school that accepts children of all religions and none. Why shouldn't my child be able to go to the local school with the children from our street. I want him to have school friends in the local area and to one day be able to walk to school himself.

My other reason for having him baptised is to keep MIL happy. She is very religious and would be very upset and worried on DS's behalf if he was unbaptised. Baptism makes no difference in my eyes. As I'm not religious I don't believe putting a bit of water on a babies head and saying some words changes anything.

SIL is annoyed we had the baptism because she sees us as hypocrites - she would have been annoyed too if we hadn't had it and left our child vulnerable to whatever. She believes we shouldn't do it just to get in to our local school and we should just drive a few miles everyday to a school I don't want DS to go to. I'm a taxpayer and my taxes - like those of everyone in my area - pay for my local school so i feel entitled to use it. I wish I didn't have to get a baptism is order to tick a box.

When DS is in school he gets lots of indoctrination - he is taught about god and Jesus as a matter of fact. He will do his communion and confirmation. I went through all this and it didn't make me or most people in my class religious - and I don't imagine DS will become religious, but it's up to him whatever he does decide to believe.

I don't enjoy the hassle and expense of organising a christening and I'd hardly do it for the gifts - they end up in a box at the back of the wardrobe because what do you do with christening spoons and silver baptism cert holders.

YANBU. I totally agree. It annoys me that people get their children baptised when they don't go to church themselves so the child is unlikely to be bought up religious I do however attend for the cake

I'm just about to send out invites to infant DDs baptism (she is also the reason I'm MNing at 5am). I am religious but regardless if you were my friend I wouldn't mind if you declined the invite for any reason whatsoever - it's an invite, not a summons!

Yabu, what people do with their children is of no concern to you.

I am spiritual? Hmm ok then...that makes you sound like a bit of a loon tbh.

I was christened, as was DH. Where we live, if you are member of a church, you have to pay extra (2%?) general tax, something like 8% on a lottery win! which goes to the church. You need to apply to be thrown out of the church if you don't want to pay this, that means no marriage blessing/funeral in a church just civil ceremony. So DH has a letter from the bishop confirming he has quit the church and is no longer a member. I cannot do this as I was christened CofE and the CofE church doesn't recognise someone leaving the church. I argued though, that unless they were passing my taxes to the Queen, they had no right to tax me. They agreed and I'm now registered as "other" religion on all forms. I have no problems with people believing in God, I just don't believe in the church.

YABU about the christening, it's the parents choice, YANBU not to go though.

I was christened as a baby. My mum claims I'm religious. I'm not sure what I believe in - I like the idea of church/mosque/temple/religion just just sure whether it's right for me iyswim.

When Dh and I git married there was uproar from both families that we chose not to have a church ceremony. I felt I'd be being a hypocrite by having one given that we never go, it'd only be for the pretty pictures, and really only for show. Same with christening a child of ours (as yet no kids). I ve said to Dh and to his mum that yes, I'd get a baby christened but I feel we would have to then do it properly. Really go for belief in God/religion. Go to church every Sunday, be part of the church community. Dh rolled his eyes. Mil just told me I was being silly and that christening a aren't about that. They're more about the party afterwards....

I have no issue with other people's choices though. Loads of our friends have married in church and moaned about having to go every Sunday for 3 months beforehand to qualify and friends have had christenings. I just don't think it's for me.

I agree it's an invite not a summons!

Lots of my friends came to the party, but not the ceremony. They believe in a decent buffet more than God. The friend who was most keen to come was a Hindu who wanted to see what it was so about but also wanted to support us as as parents. If you don't want to do that, do go.

But it seems your DH does want to
go...can he go to the service, and you join him after?

It is very trendy to be scathing about religious practices, especially Christian ones. IMO it is very bigoted and narrow minded not to go just because you aren't a Christian yourself.

I am also rather at people who describe themselves as 'spiritual' - what does that mean?

If you don't want to go, then don't. It's not obligatory.

But if other people want to get their children christened then it's nothing to do with anyone else. If the child doesn't want to be a Christian when they grow up, it's not like they'll be forced them to go to church or banned from converting and joining another religion.

Also, re. the comment about how they can't be religious if they're haven't got the 5 yr old christened yet - that's not necessarily true. We have some religious friends who go to church with their DC every week. They haven't had any of their DC christened, as they think their DC should decide this for themselves when they're older.

It's morally consistent to decline an invitation to a christening if you believe the parents have arranged it for hypocritical reasons. Like declining a wedding invitation if you believed one of the parties was already cheating on the other, perhaps.

I'm a committed Christian who doesn't baptise her infants. Being baptised at 19 years rather than 19 weeks made precisely no difference to my ability to be married in church! but it made a great difference to my ability to mean the promises made on the day.

I've come round to the opinion that the church should welcome anyone who comes to us for hatches, matches and dispatches even if we don't see them in the meantime and we suspect they're doing it just for the architecture. It's an opportunity for the church to prove that it is open to everyone, and to place itself in the centre of its community.

I draw the line though when they request a non-religious ceremony in the church - "do we have to have prayers?" is apparently as common a request as asking the vicar not to talk about God in the sermon

YABU how do you know they're not religious??! I know plenty of people with a faith but they just don't discuss it in every day conversation...

mrshathaway do people really ask for no God in ceremonies in church...?!

Crazy. As I said before, I'm not sure what I believe in. But I sort of believe that you shouldn't pick and choose. Ie if you want a church wedding, you make God a part of that.

Dh and I are religious so had both DD's baptised. However my Sister is very much an atheist and refused to come to the church service as she didn't agree with it, ( meant she got to set up the hall for the party afterwards while we were in Church!) My mother was fuming at her but DH and I were fine with her decision. I do get cross when she refers to it as "Naming Day" not Baptism though
Thinking about it, most of my relatives came to just the party aspect of DD2's baptism. Again, I'm not bothered

It's a pretty strange thing. I am Godmother to 2 children, but I'm an atheist. I went along with the ceremonies to be polite, and I think that I've now done my bit. I give them Christmas and birthday presents, and babysit them. Hopefully I won't have to do anything else to do with God. The parents aren't religious, I think that it was just traditional and an excuse for a family celebration.

yanbu
I've felt duty bound to go to the odd one and felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. Particularly about the people who attend that church week in and week out - they were very sweet and welcoming. But it just seemd so silly: silly clothes, hypocrisy, presents etc

Ah but then MrsHathaway says the congregation are sincere in their welcomeness - that's good. I assumed they could see right through us all and feel more of a grudge.

I have zero issue with church weddings. 2 consenting adults and all that...

The situation is Ireland is a joke Imaginosity. Of course your son should be able to go to his local school without being baptised. Grrr

A friend of mine was unsure about getting her DS baptised because she's not at all religious and didn't have a clue how it all worked. Then other friends advised her it'd be best for school choices so she decided to go ahead and do it. Fast forward a couple of weeks and it is now the biggest most important event she has ever planned! She has spent every minute sorting every last detail, lots of guest invited, fancy invites, huge reception afterwards, doves etc. But she still doesn't have a clue what any of it means.

It clearly means the world to her and as her (religious) friend, I would not want to dampen this moment for her by pointing out everything that is wrong with it. I plan to attend, smile, nod and eat cake. Ppl do things all the time that you might think of as wrong or unusual, doesn't mean you can't support them. You could always use it as an excuse to buy some new shoes and a nice new dress

My ds was christened at 7 ..He was asked at that age if he wanted to do so.. His choice.
Same here.

If you're not happy attending a religious ceremony, don't go.
You could just join for the party, though.
Up to you. No big deal.

I think that the idea of choosing your own religion/spirituality is itself a culturally very specific outlook though. And there's no objectively right or wrong way to do religion- don't see why it's a problem to want religious ceremony for rites of passage and not everyday private spiritually, that's been a main function of religion across cultures for centuries.

I don't understand it at all, I know so many people who have had christenings but are not religious at all. Is it for the presents, party and photos? It feels so hypocritical and yet another thing making me feel unusual, as if everyone follows certain rules that I don't 'get'..

I went to a CofE school and wasn't baptised.

Obviously YANBU for not wanting to go. It's not compulsory and they aren't close friends so just don't go.

If you are generally offended by not very religious people having christening then YABU because we live in a free society. Many families have traditions and a christening is the official welcoming of a child into the wider family as well as the church. We baptised both our sons both as tradition and also it was very meaningful to my in laws who are very devout.

They were lovely happy occasions and should either of them ever wish to be married in church they can. I doubt they will as none of us are now at all believers.

Live and let live. Save your rage for something more worthy.