to not want to go to christenings?

[GreenGoth89]

On several grounds - firstly because I feel in this day and age if you want a naming/welcoming to the world ceremony it doesn't need to be in religious context. I feel it's hypocritical when the parents aren't religious and have no plans to become so, and not allowing a child to have free choice in later life about their spiritual choices - you can't be unbaptised! It's one thing bringing a child up in a culturally religious context or with the teachings of religion or spirituality but I feel especially if you don't actually believe in God baptism of a child without them knowing what it means and agreeing with it isn't right.

DP thinks I'm being highly unreasonable even suggesting I won't go to a (not even remotely close) friend's new born and 5 y/o daughter's joint christening ceremony because I feel it's not right, in the same way that people that don't have religious families or are religious themselves shouldn't have a wedding in a church just because they like the venue. It makes it a meaningless practice! (I'm not religious btw, but I am spiritual) I'm aware I'll most likely be hounded out of town but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

my children are all christened. At the time many would have claimed I was not particularly religious as I didn't go to church regularly. (Dh is agnostic) However simply going to church doesn't mean people have a religious belief. You can have that without being a regular Church goer.

I do not often comment when people bash church. At work some know I go regular others get surprised if I mention something involving church (I restarted again 4 years ago and now go most Sundays - my youngest was 8 at the time) It is not a big deal for me if others agree with my religious belief or not. I have often avoided commenting when people bash or just vaguely nodding as I really do not need a big debate about this I am comfortable with my belief I am equally comfortable with others not sharing it.

I therefor have to say YABU as you don't know if others feel similar to I do. I suspect many do

All that happens in a baptism is songs are sung, prayers are said, promises are made, water is poured over the baby's head and a candle is lit.

Where is the harm in that? If they arent religious then the child probably wont be taken to church again and can choose what they want to be when they are old enough. YOu cant be unbaptised but it doesnt really brand you for life.

Imagine being a Muslim or Jewish boy and being circumcised without your consent. That is something that can never be undone.

I agree it's strange to have your kids christened, get married in church etc if you never actually attend the Sunday services. It's hypocritical and fake.

I think a lot of people do it nowadays just to get their kids into the (largely more highly regarded) catholic schools (I know at least two of my friends did this) !

But if you're not religious so that happened why have your child christened??? That's absolutely bonkers!

My lb was christened. I don't feel it's signing him up to be a Christian in the future. I didn't invite anyone but godparents and didn't do a do after. It was for me and my son. Not for gifts or attention. I wouldn't say I'm religious as such either but I believe there is something and with all the problems we were having I felt if there is something I want it watching over my lb in the not so easy times.......
But each to their own

If you don't like baptisms don't go.

In my previous church the behaviour of some atheist friends and family at baptisms was really poor. As the priest I'm at the front and could see people opening laughing or sneering at the prayers and promises, chatting during the quiet bits and being generally disruptive. I used to start each service with a request that family and friends respected the parent's wish to have this child baptised. It is sad that I had to do that but that is the way it is going.

Tradition? They were baptised and so on and on.

It's not really harmful or anything to get worked up about.

YABU. By all means don't go. Your opinion is yours - but their opinion is theirs. How do you know if someone isn't religious, especially as it is someone you say you don't know that well? For all you know one of the parents may have had a religious upbringing or a religious family. Many people are lapsed or non-practicing, doesn't mean that they don't have beliefs. I'm not sure you can say they are being hypercritical.

YABU - it may not be YOUR belief or tradition but its THEIRS and they obviously like you or care about you enough to want you to be part of their celebration.

Also you're wilfully declining free cake

I don't really understand the arguments that if you turn out not to follow the christian faith then being baptised has taken some choice away. I've been an atheist since i started RE classes at secondary school. I was christened, not because my parents were religious (in fact my mother had a non-religious funeral), but because it was the done thing at the time. It has never bothered me one jot. Whether i believe in one or more gods or not has nothing to do with religious ceremonies and everything to do with my thought processes. You could put me through a baptism ceremony tomorrow but it wouldn't make me believe any more than i do now.
OP go if you want, don't if you don't. Hopefully the parents are doing what they think is best for the child, who can still make their own choices as an adult.

If you don't want to go don't go. But don't judge others for the choices they make. Many people have a Christian belief without necessarily being regular church goers and it's important to them. But I would be disappointed if a friend would not support me in my choices. I'm a practising Christian but don't refuse to go to a friend civil, Hindu or Muslim wedding. I find such showy "principles" incredibly false.

As there seems to be a lot of people against christenings, I wonder what they would say if asked to be godparents as you can only be a godparent if you have been christened. I can imagine people having trouble finding godparents in a few years time!

People should do what they want to do, have a christening, a naming ceremony, marry in church, go, not go. I'd just prefer less talk of hypocrisy, I think there are worse crimes than not believing every word of it but still liking the tradition or choosing these options for whatever other beneficial reasons.

you don't get a brand just a bit of water

What's the point of 'just a bit of water', then?

swampy the non-baptised can be 'supporters'. they take part in the service in the same way as a godparent, but they won't be entered in the parish's records.

I am, in fact, named as one of DD's 'godparents' on the baptism certificate as two of our chosen godparents were not baptised.

If you don't believe in God then 'just a bit of water' will of course seem meaningless.
If you are a Christian then that water is deeply symbolic and in baptism Christians believe something very real happens (it's a sacrament- an outward and visible sign of an inward grace, by definition!)

What's the point of 'just a bit of water', then?

Symbolic. Cleansing purifying, etc.

yanbu, when my son was christened I gave friends, family the option to not come to church but meet us for lunch afterwards. I knew a service is boring for those who don't believe. So many babies are christened and are never seen in church again so why bother. I don't think you can be married in church if you are not christened , but that's maybe just Church of Scotland.

In my church you can not be a godparent if you have not been baptised yourself, we asked for my DD because my DH wanted his friend but couldn't have him! I was confirmed a few years ago and some people being confirmed had to be baptised first

Goth I totally agree with you. My XHs family all had big church christenings with parties afterwards although none of them were churchgoers and did not take the children to Sunday school or have anything more to do with the church.

I had a dedication service for my DCs as that is what my church does - leaving children to make their own minds up about being baptised later on in life. None of his family came as they felt it wasn't worth turning up to the church when there wasn't going to be a piss-up party afterwards

You do not have to be baptised to be married in a C of E church.

Its worth noting as well that the Church of England, welcomes anyone who wishes to baptise a child. You do not have to be baptised yourself or be a regular church goer. Most churches will offer a Thanksgiving service as well - a blessing and an opportunity to thank God, but do not involve a commitment to providing a religious upbringing or any pledges, which may be more suitable for some people.

I also agree with a pp that this child could have made them more religious. For me, it was our wedding. I was baptised as a child, but mostly brought up agnostic. One parent had a religious upbringing, the other didn't and still doesn't really have beliefs or interest in the church. I never attended church apart from christenings and weddings or stuff with the school / brownies. I chose a church wedding because of the sanctity of being married there, but by attending services I found I enjoyed going. We attended regularly, in part because we needed to. After the wedding we continued to go, and now I take my children. I'm not an every week attendee, but I probably go 1-2 a month. I don't think anyone I know, knows that I still attend and perhaps thought I was being hypocritical when planning.

I don't think you're being unreasonable for not going. I don't think it's unreasonable to judge parents who aren't religious for baptising their babies, that's just pointless and makes a bit of a mockery of the sacrament.

The whole "it's just an excuse for a gift list" thing bothers me a bit though. I had my DD baptised recently, we only invited family, though that was still about 40 guests in total, mostly Christian, some not. My daughter did get some beautiful gifts but that really wasn't the point and we spent more on celebrating the special day with donation to the church and venue and food than we received in gifts. We invited people to celebrate with and the have a memorable, joyous day.

I am vaguely pagan, that's what I mean by spiritual. It's not a religion as such because it's a beliefs system as there's no book/set teachings/leader etc.

I spoke about what paganism-ish means to me with the couple not long ago 3 months or so before they had the baby and they said that they didn't believe in God, didn't want their kids to, wouldn't be having them go to a faith school and thought religion was a waste of time....so for them to believe that and then to go and have a christening shortly after leads me to think that they haven't suddenly found God!

And the DP has also informed me he will be going with DSS...which is only going to make me look bad most likely.

Tradition? It was tradition to demand a dowry/be given a horrible coffee set as a wedding present/to stone adulterers to death but we (hopefully) don't do those things any more?