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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to see the will?

266 replies

tremble · 23/04/2016 21:46

NC for this, just in case. We've just found out a distant relative has died, and the funeral was yesterday. My DS and I are pretty angry that we weren't told, as we knew the relative when we were children and would like to have paid our respects.

We found this out today when we got a letter from relative's sister saying that the relative hadn't signed their will, so we and a few cousins and aunts etc will inherit a share of their estate. But the sister says she wants to honour the unsigned will and has asked us to revoke our shares so she can do this. We hadn't expected to inherit anything so we're not fussed about the money which probably won't be much, but we thought we'd ask to see the unsigned will so we can be sure that if we give up our shares then it goes to the right people.

But the sister says we're not allowed see it. She won't even tell us which solicitor is handling the estate and got pretty angry when we asked, saying we had no right. Her behaviour seems a little suspicious but we haven't really any experience with wills. Is it unreasonable to ask to see it? And what would you do?

OP posts:
suzannecaravaggio · 24/04/2016 23:15

she tried to individually intimidate each of you and keep you out...and you've banded together and called her on it

nice work Tremble :o
(please keep us in the loopWink )

SecretSquirrelsSecretFriend · 24/04/2016 23:33

It definitely sounds odd. Glad some of the others are questioning also.

coconutpie · 25/04/2016 00:46

Definitely she's up to no good. Do not sign anything over to her.

MidniteScribbler · 25/04/2016 01:06

She sounds as dodgy as hell. Some people will go to any lengths if they think there's a sniff of money in the air.

Even if she does produce a copy of this unsigned will, it is useless. Anyone can type a will up on a computer and claim that the deceased just forgot to sign it. If the deceased felt it so important to make the changes, then they would have signed it.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 25/04/2016 01:11

Watching

MissBattleaxe · 25/04/2016 10:40

Interesting dilemma. You've done the right thing in writing a letter, although I doubt she'll calm down when she gets it! It's pretty clear that she cannot simply appoint herself executor without a valid will, and an unsigned will means nothing. I'd be interested to hear about whether there was an earlier signed will that she's ignoring, because that will be the valid one.

Falling270 · 25/04/2016 11:11

Watching!

QueenCarpetJewels · 25/04/2016 13:48

Sorry for your loss OP. This is a very interesting thread, I've learned loads! Been meaning to make a will for years, must must MUST get on with it. FWIW, I think you have done the right thing, this all sounds rather suspect.

Theoretician · 25/04/2016 14:13

Who goes to the trouble of writing a will then doesn't sign it? Sounds like utter bullshit to me.

I've had various versions of unsigned wills lying around for several years. It only takes a few minutes on-line to generate one, but in several years I have not managed to arrange two witnesses (who aren't in it) to witness me signing.

Theoretician · 25/04/2016 14:17

I am perfectly happy for my assets to be distributed as the intestacy law requires, so I'm also a bit doubtful as to what I'm gaining by making a will. When I started I didn't like the bit about spouses getting the income but not the capital on a portion of the estate, because it seemed legally and administratively complex, however that bit has now been abolished, I think.

Lunar1 · 25/04/2016 21:43

The letter sounds good. Hope you hear back soon.

OVienna · 26/04/2016 11:38

That letter is entirely sensible. This is one of those things where you can sleep easy - she has to do all the running/responding TBH. But yes, she's not gotten off to a good start trying to intimidate people who are legitimate heirs in the eyes of the law. You aren't contesting her share, just asking for the normal sort of evidence she'd be expected to produce.

Homebird8 · 26/04/2016 12:10

Theoretician, a will can speed up the distribution of the estate. I suppose your decision depends on how immediately affected your nearest and dearest will be by waiting longer to get it all sorted out. And whether you have anything much to leave.

Homebird8 · 26/04/2016 12:13

Tremble, I think keeping communication open with the other family members in your position, and keeping communication with the sister in written form is a good idea. I would be uncomfortable by the lack of information to make a decision with. It's a good idea to find out more before making any choice.

Original poster
tremble · 26/04/2016 18:10

Well, she has replied, but not to me! I wrote on behalf of 4 people who all contributed to and approved the contents, and she has sent a response to one of the others. Don't know what she has said yet as they haven't had time to read it. Will report back later when I know.

Also found out that the court officer could find no application for Executor in area where deceased resided, so not looking very 'legal' at this stage.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 26/04/2016 18:47

Hurry up and read the letter. It all sounds very mysterious and underhand.

BurningTheToast · 26/04/2016 19:05

She's probably replied to the person she thinks will be the easiest to bully. You've already stood up to her so she knows it won't be you. Good luck.

HereIAm20 · 26/04/2016 19:14

To me it sounds as though there is actually a will probably not leaving anything to her and she is asking beneficiaries to revoke their legacies so she as closest surviving relative would benefit. Definitely don't sign anything!!

OVienna · 26/04/2016 19:20

Wondering if she's going to end up being like that lady from NYC years ago who died with $20m - had invested in shares all her life.

Do you think there is any real basis to believe your relative has left a sizeable estate and all of this cloak and dagger aggro is warranted?

Agree she's looking for someone to bully.

carabos · 26/04/2016 19:29

I think you can assume that the value of the estate is such that it's worth all this subterfuge. I can't imagine someone bothering for just a few hundred pounds, but I suppose there are folks like that out there.

My DSiS and I have had something along these lines with our stepmother. She gas asked us to sign away our rights to inherit from her (our father has recently died) and enter into a separate agreement with her DC wherein they will promise to give us our share. This is ostensibly to save DSiS and I a tax that is only levied on stepchildren (she lives abroad). Turns out the tax is a nominal amount. We said no on the grounds that we're not completely stupid.

Original poster
tremble · 26/04/2016 21:36

I've not seen the message myself yet as the other person is having problems with their email. But she is basically saying we are accusing her of trying to cheat us all, she is very hurt, and won't discuss it any more and will post us all one more letter with a cheque. No answers to any of our questions, and still no-one else we can ask about it.

This still feels very wrong. I really don't believe the estate is worth much at all, so I cannot see this being about money, however if it's genuinely just about doing the right thing by the deceased then why is such obvious secrecy?

We'll have to think out the next step very carefully. I don't particularly want her cheque.

Well done on saying No, carabos!

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 26/04/2016 21:50

She's pissed off because you have seen through her. It's odd that the recipient of the email can't just forward it to you all. I wouldn't trust any cheque she sent, she is trying to con you.

CanadianJohn · 26/04/2016 21:53

I was the executor of an estate, about 20 years ago. I was contacted by the brother of the deceased, who she hadn't spoken to in 50 years. He wanted to know if he was in the will. I told him no, but then he phoned back, asked to see a copy of the will. So I sent him a certified copy, by registered mail, and never heard from him again.

The situation the OP describes sounds very dodgy. Why would the executor not share the information with beneficiaries, plus any "potential beneficiary" who asks. As executor, I sent a certified copy of the will to each beneficiary.

suzannecaravaggio · 26/04/2016 21:53

basically saying we are accusing her of trying to cheat us all, she is very hurt
I think I would ignore/sidestep her attempts to guilt trip you all and be business like about the whole thing...just politely reiterate that things need to be done legally and properly and so you need contact details for the solicitor, a copy of the will and to see her authority to act as executor

SabineUndine · 26/04/2016 22:02

I would absolutely not bank the cheque, stick to your guns, insist on seeing the will and proof that she was made executor and above all on knowing who the solicitor is. I think she's trying to defraud you all.