Giving things fancy names...

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

We've been soldiering through a bit of a financial tight spot for some time now, so to cheer ourselves up, we have a running family in-joke of giving things fancy names to make whatever it is sound better than the tiresomely penny-pinching reality. For instance, we're going for the discounted ugly fruit and veg so we call it "artisan produce". Most of our clothes are coming from charity shops and village hall sales at the moment so we describe them as "free-range clothes". And we have a crappy corner of the garden that is almost impossible to mow, so we've given up trying and now call it the "meadow". It could have a trolley carcass in there by now for all I know.

Am I alone in this? Anyone have any other little gems that I might shamelessly steal?

We like clothes from Matt Alan

Your clothes are vintage! Our baby only wears vintage, don't you know... Towards the end of the month I have a few pampering evenings and catch up n tv (we can't afford to go out so I have a bath and binge iplayer)

I never used to be very good at making smooth mash potatoes so used call them "crushed potatoes" (somebody told me it was the latest thing in high end restaurants). I make decent mash potatoes now.

Ooooh, Matt Alan sounds fabulous! As do vintage clothes! I shall add these to my repertoire along with the "herb garden" (the scratty bit of mint that randomly grew in another corner of the garden) and the "library" (wall-mounted shelves in an alcove full of pulp fiction ).

Oh and my parents have a "courtyard" - its just a wide bit of path from back garden to the gate, with a nice bench and some potted flowers.

Not really to do with penny pinching but in our house cobwebs are known as environmentally friendly fly-control :)

cobwebs are known as environmentally friendly fly-control

We have a Yarden - a bit of concrete out the back with a wall round and a washing line. The pots may or may not have seedlings in them; time will tell.

My sister calls it Pri-Marni

We have a library bookshelves in the hallway full of crap and the cloakroom worlds most useless storage cupboard that gets all sorts of shit dumped in it

At work we "go to Portishead". It's derived from a porter's cupboard which became the porters lodge which became Portishead.

I have a cupboard just big enough to house my washing machine and tumble dryer stacked up on top of each other, with the laundry bin and washing baskets stacked up in front. I like to call it my Laundry [Room] or Utility Room.
Oh, how I wish...

I like the sound of a courtyard. Wonders if a bit of cracked paving could pass muster. And at Pri-Marni. That is genuinely inspired.

temptation, any and all fun euphemisms welcome. (Am actually rather aghast at spider-squishers. Spiders eats fleas, ticks, mosquitoes, flies, and god knows what else. Why would you squish a spider when it's ridding your house of far worse??)

Time to having a relaxing spa-night nosestrips in front of the home cinema freeview.

And we keep our wine on the bottom shelf of the cupboard under the stairs, which is of course my 'Cellar'...

Starting to think that our 3' bit of hallway that leads to the unused side-door, where we hang coats up, should be known henceforth as the vestibule.

Dd keeps calling the cupboard in our bedroom my dressing room tbf it has clothes in it but still..

Dh not Dd , i might just have got Matt Allan after reading it twiice

We sometimes do the weekly shop in 'Lie-dell' (LIDL)

Sounds far posher

We have a few but they're mostly just from when my husband had forgotten the English word and made something up.

Wiggly chips.
Word transmitter (mobile phone)
Cheese oven (grill)
Spin cook (microwave)

There are more. And I'm sure more to come.

Your vestibule is surely the Boot Room?

Loving artisan veg and Matt Allen

I have a DF who loves her designer label bags. She once tipsily admitted to me that one of these bags was actually knock off. The next time we met she admired my new sequinned tote bag and was most impressed when I told her it was the 'real thing'. She never needs to know that it was the real Primark thing.

My engagement ring was second hand and the jeweller referred to it as 'pre-loved'. Thirty years on and it has fallen apart and the stone has cracked so I am on the the market for a replacement. That will probably also be vintage/pre-loved.

Gregoires = Greggs

My house has an inner lobby. Pretty impressive for a teeny terrace where the downstairs is literally a front room and a kitchen! it is actually the bit of the kitchen with the cellar door that leads from the front room so it's kind of a passage. Unsurprisingly, this was dreamed up by an estate agent.