To call police on neighbours

[mrgrouper]

I have deliberately posted here to get the most blunt and candid responses. I could have posted on NM and had "there, there, poor you" responses, but I want people to be frank and am aware AIBU posters "tells it like it is".
We all moved into new build properties at the end of last year. Until 4 weeks ago had never spoken to these neighbours (have spoken to everyone else on the street, but these people keep themselves to themselves and I have no issue with that).
Anyway it all kicked off 4 weeks ago. My son aged 4 was on his bike and he went on what I mistakenly thought was a communal path. The lady of the house came flying out effing and blinding and threatening me with the police. I told her she was welcome to call the police, but as there was no crime committed it is time wasting. She then approached my son's bike and rammed him backwards with him on it, which scared him.
I fully admit calling her a moron at this stage, but when she put her hands on my son's bike I saw red.
I reported the antisocial behaviour to the HA on the Monday. They were told not to contact me after that and they asked me not to contact her, which I was happy to comply with.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and with hindsight I should not have reported it, because this has caused the behaviour to escalate. They have reacted by sending neighbours derogatory and unwarranted messages about me, and encouraging them to report me to get me evicted. My neighbours kept screen shots of this BS. My car has been keyed and a load of what I think is lime has been thrown over the dividing wall between our gardens, killing my grass. The man of the house has shouted abusive comments to my son who is only 4 and nasty notes have been put through my letter box.
I am getting CCTV put up next week so if there is any more vandalism of my property I have proof.
Can anyone advise me how to handle this? Citizen's advice recommend I report all of this crap to the police, however this may cause things to escalate further.
All I want is a quiet life.

mrgrouper.... specifically the bit about the policeman, as you first typed it did not sound right. You have clarified. MN have agreed with you.

Sorry., posted too soon.

I did not call you odd at any time.

If you wish to leave, have the thread deleted, that is your prerogative.

I believe you! You thought you were right and your son was attacked, the mother instinct came out and you fought for your son. We all do and say things in the heat of the moment, I don't believe for one second that the many perfect posters here, wouldn't have reacted in the same way. An adult physically pushing a 4yr old boy, even if he was on private property, that's just wrong. I'm sure as he's 4 that if the woman had said to him, can you get off of my garden/grass/path please sweetie he would have done. As most 4year olds would have.

Learning difficulties is not a disabalist term! My own sister refers to herself as having learning difficulties, I'm guessing she's older than you OP. If her statement had been sought now, she would most likely have been assessed to be on the ASD spectrum, however 30 odd years ago, her statement refers to Learning difficulties and minor brain damage! She attended a special school and has a few friends with similar types of disorders and they themselves say that they have learning difficulties.

I have never heard moron used in a disabalist manner and can't imagine that anyone using it would mean it to mean someone with asd or learning difficulties.

I hope your housing officer can help you. Think carefully before giving up a secure tenancy in a HA home, private renting can be a nightmare and no security and a lot more expensive. (speaking as a private tenant, with a good landlord now thankfully)

woodley - the 'not believing' issue was to do with a policeman calling her dog a mongrel and stinky No one has said they do not believe anything else!

I think you should do mediation on the condition that all residents are included as you believe that they have been recruited by your neighbour as a way of escalating the situation. If you end up with five people alongside you and the neighbour going mental, then this will help enormously

By the way, if the land that is hers isn't fenced off, and your child comes to harm or trauma on her land, she may be liable. That includes attacking people on her land and hand on the bike is a credible threat and you and your son could reasonable have expected this to be a threat of violence, and any action on your part to prevent escalation of harm is justified, including preemptive action.

Think like a mirror. Allow her to keep attacking in her crappy ways, and what she wants to happen to you (eviction) will happen to her.

Also, the weak bit in the disability thing is that you don't know they know, so send them a letter with recorded delivery saying that you are disabled, then if it happens again, you have another thing to use.

ourblanche

to quote your exact phrase:
" Deleting because some one is questioning what a poster has said, and to be honest it did sound odd the way you first wrote it"

That clearly states what I have written "sounds odd". Well welcome to my world. If I had a pound for every time someone stated I sound odd, or weird or strange I would not need to live in housing association.

The copper did not reference my dog specifically he said that "to me they are all mutts, dogs stink". He did not refer to my dog specifically. However my dog is a cross breed and I take no offence with the term mutt. In fact I call him a mutt too and his nickname is muttley. It was said in a very jokey fashion and I do not believe he was trying to be nasty.

I appreciate you are upset but I didn't... the word it becomes important - referring to what you reported the policeman saying. Originally you did say he was referring to your dog:

mrgrouper Sun 24-Apr-16 16:59:04

Perhaps the copper was just trying to scare me. He had a bad attitude, he called my little Benji a mutt and said dogs stink.

That is what some people, including myself, thought sounding odd, not quite right. We could not imagine a policeman being quite so rude whilst talking to a woman who was complaining about anti social neighbours. You have since confirmed, and I have acknowledged, that that wasn't quite right.

I know I seem to be hectoring you but I really don't want you to think you are being called names or hounded here. It is, as things often are here, just one of those 'written word' things.

I am not good at expressing or understanding stuff due to my Asperger's.

Let me be very accurate about what the copper did.

He came into my lounge and little Benji approached him in a friendly manner. I noticed he sort of winced and he did not greet Benji which most people do. He is only a little dog and very friendly.

I said to copper, based on his body language, "do you not like dogs?" he said they are all mutts to me and either said they stink or they are smelly (cannot remember exact one). It was said in a jokey fashion and at no point did I think he was referring to my dog specifically.

I am sorry if I did not word it as eloquently as you would have done. However I am not good at expressing myself and I cannot help that.

Rather than criticising someone for sounding odd or not wording things properly, perhaps you should appreciate there are some people who are not brilliant at expressing themselves. Plus I am in a highly emotional state (have been crying most of today) and emotions also affect my ability to word things right.

I have no doubt there are people who use MN who may be intellectually impaired or dyslexic and they probably make mistakes to. Point is, it is incredibly hurtful, keep chunnering on about it in the way you are doing.

Op i am sorry you are going through this. I bet if you were a 7ft tall cage fighter they wouldnt be so brazen.
World is full of pathetic bullies and they are trying to bully you.
Police arent really helpful in these types of situation though but still report.

Ps netmums just have less ignorance and intelligence with people who actually go through things wouldnt say that is babying its stepping in someone elses shoes which sometimes can lack here.

mrgrouper
You've had some unhelpful responses here. Go ahead with the injunction. Keep an incident diary, get the CCTV installed, and report every single incident.

You are right about the Jeremy Kyle types. She had no right to manhandle your son, and calling her a moron was a knee jerk response. Dont sweat it, dont send her flowers. Dont initiate any contact at all.

Best of luck

Oh dear just read your replies
Another thread the bullies are taking over.
Bet you wish you stayed with netmums eh op lol

One more time, I am not bullying, I reported the thread as it was being questioned... as per MN advice and requests. I even said it was me so that OP would know that I wasn't having a go at her.... just the way the thread was turning.

I have acknowledged that OP has clarified what was said, but that was after the posts were made and after I had reported it.

The advice OP has been given has all been pretty much in agreement, keep reporting, stay safe.

OP, as I've no doubt you know, it is very hard for people with AS to disengage from unhelpful online conversations. We keep coming back and trying to explain ourselves as the other party seems to keep finding fault in what we're trying to say. They have no idea, at least I hope they don't, that what they're doing is tying us up in knots, sending our anxiety through the roof and potentially triggering a meltdown. The best thing you can do in these situations, for your own protection, is don't respond to unhelpful posts or ones picking holes at all. Learn to blank them so you don't get drawn in. You do not have to respond.

I hope things get better soon and you can find some calm.

Thank you LittleMiss.

I thought I was being helpful and explaining that there had been a misunderstanding. I shall cease and desist.

look it is sorted. I am moving anyhow

well the copper has not managed to stop the harassment. They have messaged my other neighbour again and she has responded that she does not want to hear another bad word about me and they must stop dragging her into it as she does not want to get involved.
On the plus side found a rented place near my auntie and uncle. Saw GP this morning who said it is not in the interests of my MH to stay. Spoke to son (4) last night and explained a move meant a new school and he would not see his friends any more and he stated he "wants to move" as he is "scared and sad".
Been crying all morning, but I can now see an escape plan and a light at the end of the tunnel for me and my son.

went to HA today and told them I am moving out. They have asked me to stay until I have done the mediation and at least given it a shot and have referred me to this service to help folk with depression
another neighbour is forming a residents association and wants to call a meeting about it as she wants the bully woman kicked out
I just want to get out and have no more hassle. I have found a place near to my relatives and am just getting credit checks done.
Tempted to complain about that copper as there was no need to make disparaging comments towards dogs in general. My Benji keeps me sane and is therapeutic for me as it gets me out walking which cheers me up. He should not speak to vulnerable people that way.

I agree with you leaving without trying mediation.
People like this don't change, they know exactly the right things to say.

I'm glad it is being sorted in some way, OP. Look after yourself.

You leaving may actually help the remaining residents get rid of the unhinged bully. I hope you have somewhere good to go.

You can leave comments about the PC's comments without actually making a complaint.

I have made a complaint.
Even after the copper came round on Sunday it has not calmed them down, they continued yesterday badmouthing me to the neighbours. Some people just do not know when to stop.

Well, well, well.
I was speaking to my friend yesterday. Turns out this woman is well known to be trouble. My friend called her a manipulative little bitch.
Turns out she used to live next to a guy with intellectual impairment. They made him ill, targeting him over an 18 month period, breaking his windows and throwing paint over his car. He moved out in the end. All the other neighbours were disgusted with them and one neighbour took the law into his own hands and assaulted the boyfriend for making this vulnerable man's life hell. He ended up getting arrested.
I have had no incidents since the CCTV is up, so hoping that this may be over now.

What a crap person.

It certainly sounds like if you ended up staying and fighting it out with her, you would be the hero of the street, but that is a choice that only you can make.