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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call police on neighbours

155 replies

mrgrouper · 23/04/2016 10:03

I have deliberately posted here to get the most blunt and candid responses. I could have posted on NM and had "there, there, poor you" responses, but I want people to be frank and am aware AIBU posters "tells it like it is".
We all moved into new build properties at the end of last year. Until 4 weeks ago had never spoken to these neighbours (have spoken to everyone else on the street, but these people keep themselves to themselves and I have no issue with that).
Anyway it all kicked off 4 weeks ago. My son aged 4 was on his bike and he went on what I mistakenly thought was a communal path. The lady of the house came flying out effing and blinding and threatening me with the police. I told her she was welcome to call the police, but as there was no crime committed it is time wasting. She then approached my son's bike and rammed him backwards with him on it, which scared him.
I fully admit calling her a moron at this stage, but when she put her hands on my son's bike I saw red.
I reported the antisocial behaviour to the HA on the Monday. They were told not to contact me after that and they asked me not to contact her, which I was happy to comply with.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and with hindsight I should not have reported it, because this has caused the behaviour to escalate. They have reacted by sending neighbours derogatory and unwarranted messages about me, and encouraging them to report me to get me evicted. My neighbours kept screen shots of this BS. My car has been keyed and a load of what I think is lime has been thrown over the dividing wall between our gardens, killing my grass. The man of the house has shouted abusive comments to my son who is only 4 and nasty notes have been put through my letter box.
I am getting CCTV put up next week so if there is any more vandalism of my property I have proof.
Can anyone advise me how to handle this? Citizen's advice recommend I report all of this crap to the police, however this may cause things to escalate further.
All I want is a quiet life.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 23/04/2016 12:58

I thought you'd have got more of a negative repsonse for the Jeremey Kyle comment... I was afeared for you [smile}

OurBlanche · 23/04/2016 12:58

Smile even!

Original poster
mrgrouper · 23/04/2016 13:22

I had no idea "learning difficulties" is also an unacceptable term. My ex SIL has an intellectual disability and she refers to herself as having "learning difficulties". I clearly need to do some research into acceptable terminology as I would never want to make a disablist comment towards anyone.

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 23/04/2016 13:24

So glad that you see your choice of language could well be classed as disablist and/or offensive. That sort of thing does detract from possible sympathy and understanding, not just on mumsnet, but (much more importantly, in this instance) in real life. It would be a shame if you didn't get the level of action and support you need from your HA, simply because of how you have chosen to respond.

Likewise, (while it doesn't sound like it) you cannot know if the bad neighbour has her own issues, has an invisible disability even, and for that reason I really do think you do have to take up the HA offer of mediation. Certainly, if that failed to produce a good result, then you may have to recourse to police involvement and legal action, but those actions (even when very successful) can still result in an uncomfortable day to day life, so I do think it makes sense to try for a successful mediation first.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 23/04/2016 13:28

I feel really bad for saying moron now. I had no clue it was derived from such an offensive word.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 23/04/2016 13:33

Please don't let that slip mean you take the blame for yur current ituation. You are not. You used a word in the eat of the moment, they have used words and actions over days/weeks to harrass you.

Report everything, keep a diary and make sure you get your quiet life back.

VioletTea · 23/04/2016 13:34

I wouldn't feel bad at all if I were you OP. If someone got hold of and rammed my kid's bike over whilst yelling at me I'd be calling them a lot worse than moron.
We all say things in the heat of the moment, you thought she was going to harm your son.
Sounds like they're nothing more than thugs anyway

saltlakecity · 23/04/2016 14:00

Surely your son doesn't need to remember to stay away from her house. He's 4 and would be with a responsible adult at all times surely?

smokeybandit · 23/04/2016 14:47

I saw you mention a restraining order and each to their own if you feel that is the action for you, but, if mediation happens and doesn't work and the police an HA agree they can draw up an ABC ( acceptable behaviour contract) which will be on their housing record and state what behaviour is acceptable and otherwise towards you, if they breach it it's something that can go to court. I don't believe (I may be wrong here) that a restraining order from you will have much power in moving them if it escalates but an ABC or something of that nature from the HA, can.

smokeybandit · 23/04/2016 14:49

Having said that, hopefully it won't go that far. Fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 23/04/2016 18:04

well the police phoned back and they are going round and having a word with them, telling them to back off. Hopefully that will be the end of it, but I very much doubt it.

OP posts:
Evergreen17 · 23/04/2016 18:24

Mmmhhh Hmm I disagree with most posters but you said you wanted people to be honest.
As I see it, it that wasnt a communal path, your son shouldnt have been there.
Regardless of her reaction to that, you were in the wrong.
And you did call her a moron, after you were on their private property.
So unfortunately I say you shouldnt have been there and apologise and take your son away

Evergreen17 · 23/04/2016 18:26

Sorry OP I had missed the end of your post! So I didnt see that they had done the following damage and abuse!
Sorry!

leelu66 · 23/04/2016 19:59

YANBU. All she had to do was have a quiet word with you to say the path is private.

It's good you have called the police.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 24/04/2016 16:26

Copper just been round. He says I risk losing my tenancy as when stuff like this happens, the HA just tend to kick both parties out :(

OP posts:
Gide · 24/04/2016 16:41

I think the copper is wrong, unless he's a housing expert.

Learning difficulties is not an offensive term, Jesus, it's crazy how many terms are no longer acceptable! We use this term all the time, in an extremely inclusive school where every single child, regardless of needs, be they physical or mental issues, is put into mainstream education with support. The term is used on application forms all the time, how can it be offensive? It simply covers the spectrum of issues we might encounter.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 24/04/2016 16:45

I know someone with intellectual impairment who states she has learning difficulties, so it cannot be that offensive if that is how she refers to herself.

I am just worried I will lose my tenancy because of these scum bags. Yes scum bags is an offensive term, but I think it describes them pretty well.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 24/04/2016 16:46

That's not right. They will remove party causing offence.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/04/2016 16:49

Learning difficulties is not an acceptable term. Jesus what can you say. It's getting beyond a joke. You can't open your mouth.
Anyway.
That officer seems about as useful as a used condom or in more politer terms a chocolate tea pot in a very hot country
You call them out as you need help and HD starts saying you'll be evicted. Is he for real scaremongering. I wouldn't imagine the HA would evict sn harassed family
Plus it would have to go before a judge first, even if in s million years. It were to happen.

Euripidesralph · 24/04/2016 16:53

So the OP is vulnerable and being targeted by bullies who have scared her son, damaged her property and are trying to get her evicted and because she in the heat if the moment used a single term that she wasn't aware had connotations she has lost any sympathy?. Aaannnnddd this is why mums net gets a bad name.... Come on for goodness sake

Frankly op I would have used a lot worse if anyone had behaved like that towards my children give yourself a break you owned your mistake it does not entitle these people to behave in such a vile manner

They will not evict both parties... Eviction is not an easy process and evidence must be given so record record record.... Don't hesitate to report and do not ignore things for an easy life

My heart goes out to you these people are cowards and bullies report the. To everyone

Original poster
mrgrouper · 24/04/2016 16:56

Eviction is easy in this case because we are on 1 year provisional tenancies, so it is a pretty simple job of not signing either of us up for the lifelong secured tenancy.
The CCTV man has just been round also and the cameras are going up on Wednesday.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrgrouper · 24/04/2016 16:59

Perhaps the copper was just trying to scare me. He had a bad attitude, he called my little Benji a mutt and said dogs stink.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/04/2016 17:06

Are you absolutely certain he was a copper and not just dressing up in his policeman's outfit. That his mummy had bought him.
You might as well have called the circus. You'd have probably or rather definitely got more sense

Pipbin · 24/04/2016 17:06

I think YABU for using the word moron! It's horribly insulting disablist terminology! Just because you are 'vulnerable' does not make this ok and you've lost my sympathy.

So the OP deserves all of this for using a word which is now considered disablist? The OP (and lots of other people) don't realise that this word is no longer OK to be used.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 24/04/2016 17:06

Does anyone know who is in charge of eviction? I get on really well with the housing officer, so I hope it is her who is in charge.....

OP posts: