To call police on neighbours

[mrgrouper]

I have deliberately posted here to get the most blunt and candid responses. I could have posted on NM and had "there, there, poor you" responses, but I want people to be frank and am aware AIBU posters "tells it like it is".
We all moved into new build properties at the end of last year. Until 4 weeks ago had never spoken to these neighbours (have spoken to everyone else on the street, but these people keep themselves to themselves and I have no issue with that).
Anyway it all kicked off 4 weeks ago. My son aged 4 was on his bike and he went on what I mistakenly thought was a communal path. The lady of the house came flying out effing and blinding and threatening me with the police. I told her she was welcome to call the police, but as there was no crime committed it is time wasting. She then approached my son's bike and rammed him backwards with him on it, which scared him.
I fully admit calling her a moron at this stage, but when she put her hands on my son's bike I saw red.
I reported the antisocial behaviour to the HA on the Monday. They were told not to contact me after that and they asked me not to contact her, which I was happy to comply with.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and with hindsight I should not have reported it, because this has caused the behaviour to escalate. They have reacted by sending neighbours derogatory and unwarranted messages about me, and encouraging them to report me to get me evicted. My neighbours kept screen shots of this BS. My car has been keyed and a load of what I think is lime has been thrown over the dividing wall between our gardens, killing my grass. The man of the house has shouted abusive comments to my son who is only 4 and nasty notes have been put through my letter box.
I am getting CCTV put up next week so if there is any more vandalism of my property I have proof.
Can anyone advise me how to handle this? Citizen's advice recommend I report all of this crap to the police, however this may cause things to escalate further.
All I want is a quiet life.

Report it all to the Police OP every time anything like this happens.

Because there has been bad press about vunerable adults not getting the support they should off had and deserved from the Police in the past all Police Forces that were involved in those cases have been reviewed and they've put more preasure and responsibility on all Police forces in the UK to respond within a reasonable amount of time and to make sure that any case is properly documented and followed through from now on.
So you should be in a much stronger place now to get the help and support and results from the Police than you might have done a couple of years ago.

Also get yourself a diary and note everything!Can you get the cctv any sooner than next week?if you can I would!Also record them if you can(without them knowing using your phone)if they ever say anything bad towards you or your son and make sure to show them all the evidence your other neighbours have passed onto you.

With your HA have a look online and see what it says about anti social behaviour how they deal with it and have a look and see what it says about what support they should be offering any vunerable person that lives within one of they're property's.
I bet you'll find some information on there that states that they should be taking your complaints seriously and helping you with those problems.

The fact that the HA implied you could have put the lime in your own garden reinforces your need for cctv.

As it stands it's your word against theirs.

With cctv it's solid proof. And can be used as evidence

I very much agree with NeedACleverNN

I'm saving up to install cctv myself because of equally delightful neighbours. But yes, try and install as soon as you can. I'd keep going through the police to be honest, still log everything with HA but still log everything through the police. I say this as sometimes it just so happens that certain people in authority know certain delightful neighbours and wont do as much as they should can build a better case.

Do press the bike thing as much as you can too? Does neighbour have kids op? Cant imagine they'd have been so calm if the shoe was on the other foot.

You were right to report the initial incident. There is no guarantee at all that you wouldn't have been targeted by these bullies if the incident hadn't been reported. I am sorry that you have been put in this position OP, but now you have a paper trail that shows when the harassment started.

Someone does not need to have actual notification of a disability for something to be a hate crime.

Obviously not all offences against people with disabilities are hate crimes but if your symptoms are why people behave like this then that would be.

If you come across as odd and you feel this has contributed towards what has happened or additional vulnerability meaning you have to report quicker and this escalated things then in your situation it very much could be a hate crime

I have just spoken to the home insurance and they said I have legal expense cover so now on the legal advice helpline and the lady is recommending a restraining order.

Keep a diary of everything.
I'm glad you are reporting, people like this think you won't.
They're bullies.
I understand you may not want to go to mediation, neither would i, but you will look unwilling and uncooperate if you do not, so you may have to.
Have you got someone who could go with you?
Sorry you're going through this.

,I could get my friend to go with me (primary school teacher), or if I am going for intimidation value I could ask my ex BIL who is a career criminal and very intimidating indeed.

I don't have much advice, but lots of sympathy. I could have written this post 2 years ago about my neighbour, the car keying, the throwing stuff on our lawn, the bad mouthing us with the neighbours; all of it sounds identical to the treatment we got (plus continued attempts to block access to our house, chopping a tree down, chucking dog shit in our garden).

I fully understand your concerns over escalation, but I would say don't stop reporting and more importantly providing evidence to the HA of their ASB. Hopefully the CCTV will be a sufficient deterrent and things will calm down but don't feel bullied into accepting their behaviour for the sake of a quiet life. Keep on at the HA team, have they offered mediation (you don't have to do that face to face). Be firm but reasonable with the HA and if it's not dealt with escalate it.

I'm not sure bringing a habitual offender into this is the best way forward. I would listen to smokey who actually knows what they're talking about.

What I don't understand is why at the very first incident when you realised your mistake at being on her path you didn't just apologise and leave. Instead you hung around and called her a moron.
I can understand her feeling aggrieved.
Have you ever thought about just knocking on her door, with perhaps a bunch of flowers, apologising for getting off on the wrong foot and suggesting you move forward in a more amiable fashion.
There was no need for any of this to escalate and a calm, kind approach works wonders with most people.

If this was my neighbour i would definitely have gone to the police when that started. Also think you're being a bit too hard on yourself - you "fully admit" to calling her a moron. SO WHAT? It isn't illegal to call someone a moron, you have nothing to "confess" to. That's no excuse for them to commit various crimes against you. You are most certainly not being unreasonable to call the police.

Just try and remain calm. Get cctv and report everything to the police and HA. If they shout abuse etc just remain calm and say 'look, I'm just trying to live in my home like everyone else in the world. Leave me to do that in peace or the police will be involved.'

shouldhavegonewithhannes

When I called her a moron it was after she had rammed my son's trike causing him to start crying. A protective mum instinct came out and I shocked myself as I am a quiet person. I saw red because this protective mum instinct came out.

I have thought about it since and although calling a moron is not a nice thing to do, I do not regret it as it was in the heat of the moment. I was literally shaking with rage.

No, I will not be giving her a bunch of flowers, especially after my garden has been destroyed. I think a restraining order is the best way forward.

Unfortunately I do live in a council estate area and on council estates you do tend to get a minority of these Jeremy Kyle-esque people who are just primal, aggressive and of limited intelligence.

Oh dear!

Oh OP I am so sorry you are going through this. Neighbour problems are horrendous and soul destroying. I won't come back to this thread as I'm finding it bringing back upsetting memories already, but just wanted to wish you and your family the best at getting this sorted

I think YABU for using the word moron! It's horribly insulting disablist terminology! Just because you are 'vulnerable' does not make this ok and you've lost my sympathy.

I called the police for much less than this. The police came and the problem was resolved immediately. I would report them.

moron is not disablist. It means thick head or stupid, which again are not disablist comments. Plus (to the best of my knowledge) the other woman is not even disabled. I fail to see how I can have made a disablist comment to someone who is not disabled. Plus she IS a moron.

So sorry you're going through this. I can think of nothing worse than having awful neighbours.

Smokey's advice has been fab. Go ahead with the mediation. If your teacher friend will go with you I expect she will be really good. I'm a teacher and we are very used to uncomfortable meetings and having to deal with all sorts of outside agencies.

Keep your records. Do not engage with them in any way. Tell your DS not to either but try to play things down with him if you possibly can.

for you. This will get better. Keep us posted.

Typical mumsnet replies of blaming the victim I see. If my neighbour called me a moron I wouldn't retaliate with vandalism and threats...the OP is not the one in the wrong here. And frankly if someone pushed my kid on her trike I'd have likely smacked them.

This is the problem. My son is 4. He has been told in no uncertain terms to stay away from their house, but as all 4 year olds, he lives in the moment and forgets. I do not want him going near their house for his own protection as I think they are aggressive and I am worried about what their next move will be.
I think my teacher friend would be a good idea as she is capable of being assertive in a polite fashion. I can also be assertive, when I prepare myself and psych myself up. I will make notes beforehand on what I plan to say. If I lose my cool in the meeting, their behaviour will go from bad to worse.

I am cool with Chapsy's response. I deliberately posted here to listen to people who "tell it like it is" rather than just "hand holding" responses.
I have looked up the definition of moron and it derives from an ancient word to describe kids with learning difficulties. I had no idea that was the origin of the word and will certainly be choosing my vernacular more carefully in the future.

Definitely report them. It's harassment Horrible shithouses.
I always think of the Fiona Pilkington Cass when I read things like this.

Intellectual disability
Or does that not count???