To be a coward and not tell best friend?

[lepoardnickle]

Have name changed but promise I'm a regular ;)

My best friends husband came round this evening to tell me (after dropping hints for a few months) that he was deeply in love with me and had been for the last few years.

We have kids the same age that have been close friends since they were toddlers, were part of a wider friendship network and live in each others pockets pretty much, id say we see each other a few times a week usually and always go to the same events. Its awkward, horribly awkward. He was upfront with me in a way that sounded like he was trying to figure out his own feelings, kept talking about being in love with two women and needing to control his feelings ect but at no point tried to make any sort of move so it didn't seem seedy (but really horrible). He seemed genuinely frustrated and pissed off with himself and i tried to laugh it off at first telling him he was probably confused, he kept telling me he was sure. He had thought about it night and day. There had been hints before and he had been popping round more/txting more but nothing way out of the ordinary and nothing ever inappropriate. like i say no moves ever made.

The problem is, with other friends in the past I've told them if their partner is known to be cheating (not with me!!) but this woman is my best friend, I love her, value her, respect her and genuinely care for her marriage. I hope he sorts his feelings out and have told him he needs to get a grip, will be laughing about it one day ect and that he's got so much to loose (Which he agreed with). I can't bare to hurt my friend, I love her too much, I can't lose her as a friend, I can't watch her hurt or hurt her relationship. She doesn't deserve that so i guess what I'm asking is if all he's done is tell me, is it best to keep it to myself? I know id feel different if he had acted upon it in any way (and i definitely wouldn't reciprocate) but is it ok to keep it to myself for the sake of their marriage? I can't imagine them not being ok, not being friends with them. Do things like this ever turn out ok? Im hoping its just a stupid crush but he seems so insistent I just kept laughing it off. I wish he'd never said anything.

Sorry - he's counting on your feelings of guilt and complicity to protect him - that's not fair on you or her.

He also can't think much of your morals to think you'd do this to a friend

Either he's an idiot or a weasel

Don't.

He hasn't cheated on her so don't feel obliged to tell her. No good can come of it and even if you are doing her a favour she will end up resenting you for it.

He should never have burdened you with this, it was horribly unfair of him. If I were you I would try as hard as possible to act like it never happened and carry on as usual. That will be difficult but if you suddenly back off from them she will know something is up. If he mentions it again just tell him to pull himself together and stop being silly or you will be forced to tell her. Then just refuse to discuss it again.

Hopefully he'll get over his crush soon enough.

My best friend's husband had an affair a few years ago. She found out, she forgave him and they have worked really hard at their relationship. She is REALLY insecure and always has been and has had counselling and it seems to have helped.
However, her H text me and basically told me that he thinks he made a mistake staying with her and wishes he had ended it so he could be with the OW. I told him he was an arse and that he couldn't say things like that to me and if he didn't want to be with her, he should tell her. He never has and they're still together and she thinks they have a great marriage.
Everything he says and does with my BF Is now tainted. He calls her his best friend and it is like a knife. There is a photo of them at my wedding and they aren't touching and the body language says so much.
I can't tell her because I know it would destroy her. But every time I see them, it's like a piece of rock in me. I hate that I know and she has no idea. We've been friends since we were kids and have had some major fall outs that we've recovered from, but I know this has the potential to destroy it.

He is a massive chump and I don't know what you should do (sorry) I can only see the downside of both courses of action.

I think either way your friendship is going to suffer massively :(

Don't reply to his texts- what an Arse.

Yes don't reply to texts like that, they are overly familiar and whatever you reply could be used against you. Just ignore them. Unless they get really out of hand in which case text back telling him to please stop as it's inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable, then screenshot it in case the shit hits the fan and you need to show her.

I think you should advise him to go to counselling and not tell your friend. If you do you will break not only their marriage, but your friendship. Is this what you really want?

If anyone should be telling your friend, it should be her husband.

I don't think I'd tell your friend given that it looks heavily like a crush and he hasn't done anything. But for goodness sake, block his number on your phone immediately.

He's a twat. Ignore his communication completely. He's either going to figure out how stupid he's been and behave or panic and trip himself up with some really stupid behaviour.

I've known guys like this, romanticise it all in their head. You've caught his eye and rather than admit to himself that he fancies someone who is not his wife, he's a slave to his feelings and is hopelessly in love. He can't help it you see. He probably had some big romantic scene in his head when he told you that involved him being a bit hugh grant. Tosser. And he's still at it by texting and calling. Double tosser.

I wouldn't tell her though, she'll shoot the messanger.

"I know I've always been treated differently to other friends because I'm the closest one so to speak".

My feeling is that, as well as trying to get you to have an affair with him, he is trying to isolate his wife at the same time. The two elements make the game more exciting for him.

The fact that he has been pursuing you since you split up with your partner makes me think that he likes to pursue women that he sees as vulnerable. Not in a "I want to rescue you" way but just that he thinks he'll be more easily able to persuade you to have sex with him without you having a male partner. He sees it as a weakness that he can exploit.

I really don't like the sound of this guy. On every level he is a predator.

By telling you this what was he hoping to achieve? That you would say, 'I love you too'? I can't think what other outcome he was hoping for. well done for telling him to where to go.
What a fuckpig.
I think you are going to have to tell your friend.If he's arse enough to do this, then he's arse enough to tell her at some point how he feels and that you know already. I know from my own recent experience that that will be massively hurtful for your friend-it will devastate her on top of whatever she is feeling about her husband.
If you don't tell her he is making a liar out of you OP, and that isn't what you want to be in this situation.
Sorry-i know its massively unfair as you have done nothing wrong-but it's impossible to do nothing here and come out of it well in the end.

To quote Joan Armatrading

"You make me lie, when I don't want to, and make someone else into an unknowing fool"

So he's ramped up the sniffing about since you've become single?

He sees you as an easy lay. "She's bound to be gagging for it by now"

Don't reply to any message, don't take his calls and don't invite him in if he pops round. Discourage all contact.

If he stands face to face with you tell him you're not interested and B never will be, so best go sniffing elsewhere.

He does sound like a predator. Absolutely.

I hope your friend works out what he is and dumps his arse. The one thing she can count on will be that she won't have to suffer the utter humiliation of having her best friend shaft her too.