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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that ds is up to no good?

114 replies

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 12:17

Flameproof suit on.

Ds1 is just 15.
He's pretty much constantly grumpy. He has a GCSE this year and 12 next year.

I took some clean clothes into his room. I sat on his bed as I had quite a pile of washing and sat on something hard. I moved the blanket and there were 5 phones.

I am a single parent and those phones belong to neither me or his siblings. There are 2 iPhone 5c, an HTC, a cheap flip phone and 1 iPhone 6. He has a nice life- a PS4, own bedroom, friends and doing well academically. He sees his dad EOW.

He went to school with a phone today (he was listening to music through headphones) and I assume it's the iPhone 5s that his dad pays for.

If I ask him he's going to be furious and lie. There is absolutely no way of getting the truth out of him.

I don't think he's doing drugs but I know his friends smoke weed. If I had to guess where they came from I'd say that they were stolen (from school?) He has stolen money from me on multiple occasions but stopped recently.

Aibu to drop them off at his school anonymously? Is there something else I can do?

No flaming about not being able to get the truth out of him please. He's angry, stubborn and practically in punishable since toddlerhood.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 18:04

I have contacted the police officer associated with the school. He's going to call me back.

The owner of 3 of the phones turned up with his dad so I've returned them. He's apparently a friend and just owns 3 phones. As a parent has turned up I have no chance but to let it go.

The last 2 phones apparently belong to xh gf (who was the ow). Other 2 kids know that she owns (owned?) these 2 models. I know that ds dislikes xh gf but xh has not let me know if these were stolen or offered to him as she has a better phone. I suspect he stole them because he's angry at his dad and gf but is unable to tell his dad that.

He won't admit to the money even though there is some proof. He never admits to lying or wrong doing EVER. If he doesn't change his story tonight I will have to go to the bank about the thief who conveniently decided to withdraw money at 8am in the morning at a cash point between home and school.

OP posts:
Jelliebabe1 · 22/04/2016 18:09

You need to involve his dad in this!

19lottie82 · 22/04/2016 18:09

If he won't admit to stealing the money then you need to discuss the theft with the police officer when he gets back to you.

Tell your DS that they can check the CCTV to see who used the card, so there's no point lying. If it was him the evidence will show that.

Original poster
CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 18:14

His dad will probably be in the pub right now.

Last time ds stole £1.5k off his dad by withdrawing cash off a credit card and he barely punished him as he was in the throes of his affair.

His clothes and room don't smell bad (if you ignore the Lynx and bowl of cereal) so I don't think he does weed but I'm not ruling out dealing.

OP posts:
TeddTess · 22/04/2016 18:17

did he explain why he had his friend's 3 phones?
that is a bit weird turning up with his dad - assume that was after your ds had phoned him after you confronted him. was it definitely his dad? were they defensive/breezy/pissed off?

NeedACleverNN · 22/04/2016 18:18

I don't think you need to automatically jump to drugs.

Sometimes it can be just theft because he wants to. Not that it's right.

The money is a big issue. He must learn he cannot take money left right and centre. I think you need to casually slip in that as he hasn't took the money you will need to report it to the police so they can check the cctv and find out who did.

Then watch him squirm

Original poster
CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 18:19

I will be discussing the money with the police officer.

Tomorrow ds will be at his dad's so could do with a frank chat without him listening.

On US chat shows they have shows where teens are taken to see what prison is like in an attempt to give them a reality check before it's too late. I wish I could send him.

OP posts:
ElizabethWindsorBirthdayGirl · 22/04/2016 18:21

He previously took £1.5k? Shock with barely any punishment? Holy Moly. How much did he take from your account today?

FuzzyOwl · 22/04/2016 18:33

Hopefully you have told the police officer about the phones, money and previous £1.5k withdrawal and I would leave that with them. Make sure you change your PINs and at least tell your EXH everything in the hope he will back you so you are presenting as a unit to your DS. If your DS did steal the money, it will show on CCTV and you will then need an appropriate punishment.

BottleBeach · 22/04/2016 18:33

I think whatever the reason for him having these phones, the police will be the best people to help you with this OP. A young person being in possession of multiple phones is a red flag for child sexual exploitation. Has he made new friends recently?

Some useful information from the NSPCC about CSE and gangs:
www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/staying-safe-away-from-home/gangs-young-people/

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-exploitation/who-is-affected/

ImperialBlether · 22/04/2016 18:35

How come the friend turned up for the phones? Did he know your son had taken them? Was the father angry? What was your son's reaction to your find?

Sorry for all the questions; just trying to figure him out.

BirthdayBetty · 22/04/2016 18:37

He took £1.5k
He needs consequences for his actions.

FelicityR313 · 22/04/2016 18:46

I'm a bit baffled as to the Dad turning up looking for the phones too. Have you spoken to your DS?

GabiSolis · 22/04/2016 18:53

OP is there a neutral family member you could chat with who may be able to offer some advice? I agree with your actions so far but you sound like you could do with some support. I'm sorry you're in this position.

PointlessFriend · 22/04/2016 19:03

He had previously stolen £1.5k and you let him have your PIN number Shock

The friend with three phones sounds very weird.

I'm glad you have contacted the police officer connected with the school.

P1nkP0ppy · 22/04/2016 19:20

Good god, he steals £1.5k and barely gets admonished! No wonder he's continuing in that vein, stealing his friend's phones and getting easy money and no grief 😳

Wake up op fgs.

smallandimperfectlyformed · 22/04/2016 19:28

That's a bit harsh P1nkP0ppy, the OP clearly states she's been trying & the dad doesn't give any discipline. She knows this is not good and needs support.

CocktailQueen · 22/04/2016 19:35

He stole 1.5k?? FFS. What the fuck did he spend it on? He's walking all over your ex and you. How much did he steal today?

Doesn't sound like what you're doing is having any effect. Police. He needs a shock.

Original poster
CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 20:46

He took £50 in 2 withdrawls from me.I didn't give him my PIN! He must have seen me key it in or used contactless. The £1.5k was ex's account so luckily not something I had to pay back.

No extended family so really counting on the police helping me and him. My head is spinning and I hope that a good sleep and a chat with the police will help me see clearly.

PinkPoppy - His behaviour is shocking. I know. How do you punish an unpunishable child? He has coped fine with the withdrawl of pocket money, wifi,gaming, screen time, going out time and luxuries like desserts after meals for years. (I don't mean he's been punished for years I mean since he was young, withdrawing a perk hasnt bothered him)

When he's good, he's great. He did work experience at his old primary school last term and the mums with kids there had lots of positive anecdotes about his work there.

I will be having a chat with the police without him tomorrow and have them return to talk to him another day. Unlike ex, I'm not letting the money thing go.

He's never been violent or smashed up the house so don't worry about my safety, His anger manifests itself verbally like a machine gun.

I might not return to this thread tonight because it's nearly bedtime for dc2 and dc3 and the dishwasher needs filling up.

OP posts:
funniestWins · 22/04/2016 21:00

I think he'd only need a single second phone for selling drugs - weed presumably.

I think these sound more like they're stolen. However, the iPhones especially will probably have been made worthless when stolen by the original owner. If he's a thief, he's not a good one!

PointlessFriend · 22/04/2016 21:02

If your card bounced in the supermarket this afternoon how could he have taken your card this morning and used it on the way to school? That doesn't make sense Confused

NeedACleverNN · 22/04/2016 21:04

Yes it does....
There was money in the account the OP was going to spend at the super market in the afternoon.
The son took the card and took the money in the morning before he went to school.

Money is now gone so the card bounces

FuzzyOwl · 22/04/2016 21:06

NeedA I think what Pointless means is that he will have withdrawn the money on his way to school but will not have been home since to return the card for OP to use this afternoon.

PointlessFriend · 22/04/2016 21:06

But the son would still have the card Confused. The OP said he didn't get home until 4:30.

NeedACleverNN · 22/04/2016 21:07

Huh...never thought of that.

Yesterday maybe?

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