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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that ds is up to no good?

114 replies

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 12:17

Flameproof suit on.

Ds1 is just 15.
He's pretty much constantly grumpy. He has a GCSE this year and 12 next year.

I took some clean clothes into his room. I sat on his bed as I had quite a pile of washing and sat on something hard. I moved the blanket and there were 5 phones.

I am a single parent and those phones belong to neither me or his siblings. There are 2 iPhone 5c, an HTC, a cheap flip phone and 1 iPhone 6. He has a nice life- a PS4, own bedroom, friends and doing well academically. He sees his dad EOW.

He went to school with a phone today (he was listening to music through headphones) and I assume it's the iPhone 5s that his dad pays for.

If I ask him he's going to be furious and lie. There is absolutely no way of getting the truth out of him.

I don't think he's doing drugs but I know his friends smoke weed. If I had to guess where they came from I'd say that they were stolen (from school?) He has stolen money from me on multiple occasions but stopped recently.

Aibu to drop them off at his school anonymously? Is there something else I can do?

No flaming about not being able to get the truth out of him please. He's angry, stubborn and practically in punishable since toddlerhood.

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 22/04/2016 15:57

Sadly I would be inclined to think more so by teenage boys Imperial because they are the sorts of phones that their friends or peers use, so are more easily assessible when it comes to stealing them.

FelicityR313 · 22/04/2016 16:03

Definitely stolen phones to be sold on. Wouldn't drug dealers just keep buying different sims rather than multiple phones?

OP try ringing your phone from the phones that are working? Then google the phone numbers. Long-shot, but you might find something....

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 22/04/2016 16:07

So sorry you're dealing with this OP. How much has he stolen from you this time?

I think I'd confront him and unless he had an EXTREMELY convincing explanation, I'd contact the police. I understand this is much, much easier said than done, but he's already stealing from you and if he's stolen the phones too, or is using them for dealing or similar, then its best dealt with not before he gets himself even more caught up in that kind of lifestyle.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/04/2016 16:07

Police could be a good idea if he has had no previous encounters with them. They may be able to give him a damn good talking to and scare him into not doing whatever he is doing.

Of course it could all blow up if the phones are linked to drug dealing, other crimes, are stolen etc etc so the OP needs to be aware of that possibility. Not that I am suggesting that she should turn a blind eye either.

It's a hard one. Can you have a friend or someone with you when he comes home? Is there a chance your DS could get violent if he is mixed up in something bad?

BarbaraofSeville · 22/04/2016 16:09

If you are looking at the phones OP, if you have a kindle or Android tablet, the chargers for those will fit in the HTC and motorola ones.

wannabestressfree · 22/04/2016 16:12

It was only when I sat at the kitchen table and cried that my ds finally thought about what he was doing to me.
I would
Hide those phones
Leave your statement on his bed.
Confiscate the PS4
And let him come to you. First raised voice or flash of anger I would phone the police. This is not on. You must nip this is in bud now.

honeysucklejasmine · 22/04/2016 16:15

Oh OP, it really does sound like he needs police involvement. Sad

Rezolution123 · 22/04/2016 16:18

I advise you to have another adult with you when he comes home. This could all turn violent and have a very messy outcome.
Take care of yourself.
He needs sorting and that means by someone in authority. That really needs to be someone from outside the home such as PCSO or Educational SW.

JinRamen · 22/04/2016 16:22

Barbara, that's interesting. I was wondering what they would do because I know if I was in ops shoes I would want to know how it would go down with the police as no one wants their child to have a criminal record.

SaucyJack · 22/04/2016 16:31

I really do think it's time for the police now. For his sake as much as anyone else's (although I do feel for those children whose expensive Christmas presents seem to have ended up in your house) as I think it's quite possible he's got himself in a situation or is going down a path where a line will be crossed at some point, and he may do something with serious lasting consequences.

I don't have a teenage boy though, so I may well be talking shit. Perhaps they're all emptying their mum's bank accounts to buy weed, or following younger pupils into the loo and threatening to punch them if they don't hand their £600 phones over. Probably not though.

Good luck man. I don't envy you one bit, but you need to be the parent here. Again, sorry.

plimsolls · 22/04/2016 16:43

You could try contacting the school and finding out if they have Safer Schools police office allocated to them. They are often a good first step in this kind of situation.

centigrade451 · 22/04/2016 16:45

I knew of a mother who stopped her son from being sexually groomed online when she found two extra phones in his room. Is that a possibility too?

You need to play this one smartly.

If it was me and it is drug dealing or theft, I would hand him to the police to learn his lesson and then ground him. He may need that kind of shock.

DoreenLethal · 22/04/2016 16:47

Does he have your PIN no?

2016namechangecomingalong · 22/04/2016 16:54

Thinking of you OP. A very tricky situation.
Is there any way you can informally go to the police? Ie do you know a police officer? I am thinking of a way to hopefully get your son out of the situation he may be in but avoid him ending up in court with a criminal record if you can.

I would also be tempted to put the phones somewhere he can't access them before your chat so that he can't 'make' you give them back / snatch them.

Good luck.

Blatherskite · 22/04/2016 17:00

You need to change your PIN ASAP!

Lollylovesbones · 22/04/2016 17:05

If you suspect drug are involved then I don't think you have a choice and need to take this very seriously. Is there anyway you can speak to a solicitor and get legal advice before going to the police?

SabineUndine · 22/04/2016 17:12

Sorry sweetie but I think you need to go to the police now. You might just stop this from getting a great deal worse in the future.

Have a hug. Flowers

FuzzyOwl · 22/04/2016 17:22

I hope you have spoken by now or are speaking to him at the moment. Flowers

The SIM cards in the phones or whether they are missing aren't really relevant. Smartphones are computers and the information is stored on them, not the SIM. Even if the phones are wiped, this information can be found by an IT expert (especially if factory settings are just restored).

ValancyJane · 22/04/2016 17:24

Sorry you are having a tough time. Sounds more likely that he's stealing them to sell rather than anything else. I hope you get to the bottom of it.

whois · 22/04/2016 17:26

Obviously he's either stealing phones, handling stolen phones, or about to sell stolen phones.

Not. Cool.

Rezolution123 · 22/04/2016 17:31

OP You have not posted since 3pm this afternoon.
I am just getting a bit edgy about your safety.
Maybe you could let us know you are safe at least. No further details needed.

Etainagain · 22/04/2016 17:32

I think you should phone the local police community officer for an informal chat (perhaps even anonymously) about how best to proceed from here.

I know that the general consensus here is to get the police involved, but he is still young with his whole future ahead of him and his future choices could be limited if he has a police record.

Another possibility is that he is hiding them for a friend (still bad, of course).

summerdreams · 22/04/2016 17:59

If you had found 5 cheap phones i would say he is selling drugs but since they are expensive i would say stolen but it's hard because you can block as soon as they go missing so not really worth much most dodgy phone shops would scrap for parts

summerdreams · 22/04/2016 18:02

Oh and I would also be worried getting the police involved could ruin his future to be honest just ask him and see what he say.

Original poster
CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 22/04/2016 18:04

I have contacted the police officer associated with the school. He's going to call me back.

The owner of 3 of the phones turned up with his dad so I've returned them. He's apparently a friend and just owns 3 phones. As a parent has turned up I have no chance but to let it go.

The last 2 phones apparently belong to xh gf (who was the ow). Other 2 kids know that she owns (owned?) these 2 models. I know that ds dislikes xh gf but xh has not let me know if these were stolen or offered to him as she has a better phone. I suspect he stole them because he's angry at his dad and gf but is unable to tell his dad that.

He won't admit to the money even though there is some proof. He never admits to lying or wrong doing EVER. If he doesn't change his story tonight I will have to go to the bank about the thief who conveniently decided to withdraw money at 8am in the morning at a cash point between home and school.

OP posts:
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