To be angry, and even a little bewildered on how to tackle this with the school?

[MaddyHatter]

DS has SN.. he has Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia.... it makes for some very complex needs, a big one of which he CANNOT process emotion or self regulate and will go into a meltdown very suddenly.

One of the outcomes of him getting upset and frustrated and having a meltdown is that he lashes out during them, and can hurt the people near him. The school are aware of this, there are strategies in place to help him try to manage his feelings.

One of these strategies is the provision and freedom to go to a room called the Calm room, which is painted with calming colours and has cushions and bean bags...etc.

There was an incident today. Ds isnt having a good week and there is a piece of work he is flat refusing to do, and they keep trying to make him. Today they tried again and he began to get upset. The Learning Mentor tried to get him to go to her classroom to calm down, but his auditory processing issues meant he didn't understand and he thought she was going to try and make him do this work, and he lashed out.

He has been suspended, which i nominally support, even if i'm not happy, as in my eyes they're punishing him for part of his disability..

However, i asked DS why if he was getting angry, didn't he ask to use the Calm room (its right opposite his classroom) and he told me he wasnt allowed in there because some of the yr6 girls were using it as a PE changing room.

WTF?!?!

Now.. i appreciate at 10/11yo the girls may not wish to change in the classroom with the boys, and an alternative should be provided... but WHY THE FUCK are the school letting them use THE CALM ROOM which is there for children like my son to use as and when they need it?

I am so fucking angry... we spent AGES getting it through to him that he could remove himself from a situation and go to that room if he felt the need to help prevent him going into meltdown, and now, he has to check if its being used as a fucking changing room and isn't allowed in there if the girls belongings are... and has now ended up having a violent meltdown and hit a teacher and got suspended.

I just don't know how to tackle this or even where to start.

got. Not git. No gits required.

Ds has to travel to a school outside of the borough, LA give Ds transport to and from, as it's the only suitable school for Ds.

However you seem quite happy and as I said earlier a school who are capable of trying to understand is more valuable than ECHP is some respects.

That's great news Maddy :)

zzzz
would it be ok to sacrifice the average child's education in this way? If not accommodating and differentiating means that the disabled child doesn't receive an education so everyone else does, would you find it acceptable to exclude a more typical child in this way "for the good of the many"?

In my previous post I said: So that's 20% of my total time potentially on an individual student, for 1 hour of teaching per week. So what I'm trying to say is it's NOT just one "average student" that is being potentially disadvantaged. If you take the numbers to the extreme (10 hours, 180 students) that's less than 3.5 mins per week per student. Now in reality of course it doesn't work like that, and senior students who are attempting Highers/Nationals will get more of my time than the average S1 who gets one lesson per week in the subject. So the 2 hours (120 minutes) on differentiating for that one student (which I do, as they deserve to be accommodated in my classroom) is the equivalent of nearly 40 times as much of my time than the "average" student. Remembering of course the other SN students in my classes who also get more of my time as the result of additional differentiation. I would suggest that it's not an average student potentially being disadvantaged, but instead tens of average students being disadvantaged - because I simply didn't have time to turn that "good" lesson into an "outstanding" one. I don't feel it is fair to accuse me of wanting to "sacrifice" any student; I'm just doing my best, along with the vast majority of my colleagues, to try and get it right for as many of my pupils as I can - both those with SN and those without - because the whole point here is that they ALL deserve the very best I can offer, and the sad reality is that because of the constraints of budgets and specialist provision, then many, many "middle of the road" children are just left to get on with it. I hate that, and I hate the system that has made that the norm.

Margots can I ask if a disproportionate amount of your time is spent on one SEN student (one as an example) why are school not applying for more funding?

Bearing in mind that SEN student already attracts a certain amount of funding already, what is the funding used for?

What does the SENCO do? Do they not plan a differianted plan for the child?

I know a child who suffered extreme neglect and trauma in his early life before being adopted by a friend of mine. Not surprisingly, the early trauma affected him deeply and he often acted out at school, usually with an exaggerated fight or flight response to stress. The teachers had no idea how to help him. They seemed to believe that he was simply naughty, and that his anxiety could be punished out of him.

At one of the many meetings with the school that my friend attended, the school representatives were once again holding forth about unacceptable behaviour and how the boy had to choose to behave better, blah blah blah. My friend had had enough. She picked up a heavy book and without warning dropped it on the table. The noise caused everyone in the room to have an immediate physical response: startling, jumping back, etc. My friend smiled sweetly and asked, "Why did you choose to react that way?" She was trying to show them that her son wasn't making calm, rational choices about his behaviour. His responses were every bit as involuntary as their reactions to the sound of the book being dropped. He needed assistance and constructive strategies to cope with the overwhelming stress he experienced more or less constantly, not more punishment. Sadly, they never did really understand, though my friend was able to move her child to a school with an environment and ethos that was much more enlightened.

Some of the comments on this thread are quite appalling.

I hope that the school is responsive to your DS' needs, Maddy. Good luck with everything. Your DS is lucky to have you fighting his corner.

Maryz, I know where HerSpuddieness is coming from. I was equally dim about most special needs before having perforce to catch up really quite quickly. I don't wish that kind of treatment on her or on anyone.

However, that only applies when I have my Grownup hat on.

herecomethepotatoes I'm not a journalist but I am published author, thankyou very fucking much, and although my highly appropriate poster wasn't aimed particularly at you, God knows there are enough ghastly attitudes on this thread, if you choose to feel it pointed your way, feel absolutely fucking free to be offended.

Hope that clears that up. For fuck's sake.

Claw
Like I said, in Scotland things operate differently. Funding is not allocated per child in quite the same way, and I can truthfully say that in 5 schools only once have I seen a student with a full time 1:1 assistant - although I could probably name a dozen children who may have had this in England, based on what I know of various conditions etc. We don't have a SENCo - it is the class teacher's job to ensure that all students in the class can access the work of the class. We do have "Support for Learning" who can assist and advise - but their time is also finite and woefully stretched. I taught a student who was in secondary school with the ability and emotional age of around 6 with no classroom support whatsoever.

I'm not trying to make excuses or trivialise the problems faced by SN children (and their parents) - I'm just trying to shed some light on why some problems may occur.

Well absolutely, zzzzz.

I strongly suspect that Hearcomethepotatoes thinks of herself as a voice of understanding and reason, firm yet fair, in the face of all these hysterical, demanding parents who think their precious snowflake might need an education.

Siiiiigggghhhh.

Maddy, I hope things pan out for you now that you'll finally be getting something in writing for your boy.

If the school are clueless but willing, perhaps you could try the power of analogy on them and point out that they wouldn't 'borrow' a child's wheelchair/guide dog/hearing aid and expect them to shrug and get on with life.

Maryz that's made me fill up!

Maryz, teenage DS said something very similar last week (and he added 'it's OK because we love DS1', then got all embarrassed). My youngest is struggling with it a bit at the mo, though.

Maryz, your son sounds lovely.

You ask why other parents can't understand. I think the answer is that they do understand, frankly, they just don't care. With limited resources for state education people get "grabby." They see it as a zero sum game, which overall it is. Some people will appreciate their children learning empathy. Some people actually don't. They teach their children to be aggressive and competitive. They don't want their children to be "nice," they want the to win.. And even otherwise sane people will get pushy when it comes to what they perceive to be their DC's best interests.

zzzz
Margot if there is not enough time/money to educate the disabled in Scotland please don't just quietly not.shock

Pointing out how overstretched you are or that resources are limited and that this impacts life to a family with a child with additional needs is a bit like teaching ya granny to suck eggs. We do the other 18 hours of the day, weekends and holidays.

That's the whole point though - we do educate. Even if that is to the potential exclusion or detriment of tens of others in our classes. If you read my post carefully you'll notice I said I DID spend the time doing that - not that it would take too long since I didn't. And I spelled out the consequence of that. Opportunity cost dictates that meeting those needs means a lost opportunity elsewhere.

Surely by admitting there are problems that we do our best to surmount has to be better than saying they don't exist and claiming that everything is rosy?

In an ideal world I would meet the exact needs of every child that I teach, and ensure that they ALL have equal and full access to education. The stark reality is that those who have the greatest needs due to barriers to learning (whether physical, emotional or cognitive) have those needs met first, and everyone else has to be content with the middle ground. And you're right, in a civilized society we should meet the needs of the weakest first. All I'm trying to do is highlight that there IS a cost to other children - I'm not saying that is right or wrong, just that it happens.

Margot I'm not too familiar with Scotland SEN, so I could be wrong.

the basic Sen budget here is given to schools, it isn't earmarked for a specific child and the school can spend it whatever they want.

This sounds similar to what you are describing?