Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry, and even a little bewildered on how to tackle this with the school?

545 replies

MaddyHatter · 20/04/2016 16:04

DS has SN.. he has Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia.... it makes for some very complex needs, a big one of which he CANNOT process emotion or self regulate and will go into a meltdown very suddenly.

One of the outcomes of him getting upset and frustrated and having a meltdown is that he lashes out during them, and can hurt the people near him. The school are aware of this, there are strategies in place to help him try to manage his feelings.

One of these strategies is the provision and freedom to go to a room called the Calm room, which is painted with calming colours and has cushions and bean bags...etc.

There was an incident today. Ds isnt having a good week and there is a piece of work he is flat refusing to do, and they keep trying to make him. Today they tried again and he began to get upset. The Learning Mentor tried to get him to go to her classroom to calm down, but his auditory processing issues meant he didn't understand and he thought she was going to try and make him do this work, and he lashed out.

He has been suspended, which i nominally support, even if i'm not happy, as in my eyes they're punishing him for part of his disability..

However, i asked DS why if he was getting angry, didn't he ask to use the Calm room (its right opposite his classroom) and he told me he wasnt allowed in there because some of the yr6 girls were using it as a PE changing room.

WTF?!?!

Now.. i appreciate at 10/11yo the girls may not wish to change in the classroom with the boys, and an alternative should be provided... but WHY THE FUCK are the school letting them use THE CALM ROOM which is there for children like my son to use as and when they need it?

I am so fucking angry... we spent AGES getting it through to him that he could remove himself from a situation and go to that room if he felt the need to help prevent him going into meltdown, and now, he has to check if its being used as a fucking changing room and isn't allowed in there if the girls belongings are... and has now ended up having a violent meltdown and hit a teacher and got suspended.

I just don't know how to tackle this or even where to start.

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 20/04/2016 23:36

Re-reading OP. Older kids shouldn't leave kits in there.
Well...from my 'obtuse' experience...'Inclusion' round these parts has resulted in 'typical' children receiving absolutely no (official) support assistant time. 100% of their time is allocated to supporting SEN children...and doing lunch cover. This is (of course) the fault of the gov / councils...but if simply 'poorly performing' children need a boost of extra support ...no can do. Fine if your child is able and just needs an attitude adjustment...would you like me to repeat that for you?

Maryz · 20/04/2016 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 20/04/2016 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corythatwas · 20/04/2016 23:40

So why do you think I did not wish for my poorly performing NT son to have SN, CitySnickers? He could have had access to extra cushions or a nice wheelchair (actually, we had to pay for dd's wheelchair).

And you still haven't explained what the alternative is. Special schools for all children with special needs? And that would not cost money?

Original poster
MaddyHatter · 20/04/2016 23:43

well, thats something you need to address with your LA City.

In my DS's school, each class has a Teacher and a TA.

My DS's TA is his and his alone, he is her sole focus, because without her he would get no work done and be completely incapable of accessing his education.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 20/04/2016 23:46

I agree zzzzz and I think MS can work really well with the right support. I lament though, that some parents who are desperate for specialist provision for their kids are held back by lack of places/general bureaucracy.

CitySnicker · 20/04/2016 23:49

Inclusion has not worked. It has never been funded properly to be 'inclusion' proper. The education of typical children has been negatively impacted by the way it has been implemented. Inclusion has been used to cut costs. Losing the calm room for 10 mins a week as long as appropriate alternative arrangements were in place and alternatives were inappropriate would worry me a lot less as if I was a parent of a Sen child than being a parent of a low achieving typical child who would never again get the extra help of a support assistant.

Original poster
MaddyHatter · 20/04/2016 23:51

and there speaks someone who has NO fucking clue about the impact of a meltdown just because his room was unavailable when he needed it.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 20/04/2016 23:55

"Losing the calm room for 10 mins a week as long as appropriate alternative arrangements were in place and alternatives were inappropriate would worry me a lot less as if I was a parent of a Sen child than being a parent of a low achieving typical child who would never again get the extra help of a support assistant."

Really???? If you were the parent of a child who could end up seriously injuring himself or others during a meltdown, that wouldn't worry you more than your NT child slipping behind in maths.

My NT ds was behind in most subjects in primary school- and there is simply no way I could equate that to the worries of having a child with SN.

As for the funding, I am sure that is true- but if money is an issue, how on earth is the alternative to inclusion supposed to be any better? Surely special schools would cost more? And still come out of the education budget? I just don't get how you think this would be less of an economic disadvantage to the NT children.

CitySnicker · 20/04/2016 23:55

'Typical' children who currently don't receive any support assistant allocation round here include children with Aspergers, speech and language disorders, young undiagnosed dyslexics, behavioural issues, developmental delays, etc...and no, parents of children with SEN need a choice of educational institutions to suit their children.

corythatwas · 20/04/2016 23:57

"no, parents of children with SEN need a choice of educational institutions to suit their children"

Which is going to cost money.

Original poster
MaddyHatter · 20/04/2016 23:57

Again City... that needs addressing by your council and LA.

Its not what is happening in my childs school.

Kindly stop using my thread to Grandstand your own issues with your clearly flawed LA.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaddyHatter · 21/04/2016 00:02

My DS doesn't have an appropriate SEN school to attend

a) He doesn't yet have an EHCP

b) He doesn't have any learning difficulties. He is actually above average intelligence, he just needs help accessing the work because of issues with processing and executive function, and the physical disability his dyspraxia causes.

When he gets that help, his test scores outstrip his classmates.

SEN provision in specialist schools here, in yr1-6 is only provided for children with LD's.

He has to stay in mainstream, or be homeschooled until yr7 when a choice of 2 local units become available, and i have to hope, if we make that choice for him, that they can accept him.

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 21/04/2016 00:09

'Typical' children who currently don't receive any support assistant allocation round here include children with Aspergers, speech and language disorders, young undiagnosed dyslexics, behavioural issues, developmental delays, etc...and no, parents of children with SEN need a choice of educational institutions to suit their children.

None of those children are "typical" - they have SEN.

claw2 · 21/04/2016 00:09

City I would like to point out that many of us with children with SN's don't just get support handed to us on a plate!

We have fought long and hard to have our children's needs met.

The 'system' might well let many other children who need support down. However, removing the support already in place for SN children is not the answer. They have not 'stolen' another child's support.

catewood21 · 21/04/2016 00:12

The problem is lack of changing room. Neither the toilets nor a 6' by6' room us acceptable for 15 11 year olds getting changed

zzzzz · 21/04/2016 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 · 21/04/2016 00:26

'Typical' children to city are children with Aspergers, speech and language disorders, developmental delays etc.

I'm a bit confused by this tbh. I thought all children on SN register recieve extra funding.

CitySnicker · 21/04/2016 00:30

Hahaha....years of experience...sorry to disappoint.

claw2 · 21/04/2016 00:37

City are you aware that ALL schools are given an SEN budget?

For children with needs above and beyond there is extra funding.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/04/2016 00:49

I forget the precise wording as I don't have much to do with MS state schools so I could be wrong about this but someone once said to me that a child with additional needs or a special educational need is not entitled to a good education they are only entitled to access education, or something like that.

If that is true I wonder how all the other parents who don't have to deal wi this sort of thing would feel if they were told there child didn't have a right to a good education they only needed to be able to access education, as that all sounds a bit like we will wave an education around but it doesn't need to be good and we don't care if you can gain from it just as long as you can touch it occasionally.

It rings true given the amount of high needs kids I know who are only allowed to go to school for 3 hours a week despite having full funding with an ECHP/statement

CitySnicker · 21/04/2016 01:19

Anyhow. Obvious answer if no other suitable changing room. Girls change in class, boy wait outside. Swap. Not in pissy toilets...ever. Room is free...unless occupied by another child who needs it. You need to help him realise another might be in there at times as he's going in. It might have to be shared. Autistic meltdowns can be uncontrollable....but not always. Depends on the child and the meltdown. PP who said mainstream education doesn't have to be good...probably as the councils know it's a support assistant doing the 1:1 teaching in or out the class. Mainstream can't tailor the daily timetable to child with Sen as can be done in more specialist provision. Maybe child needs sensory therapy. Mainstream unlikely to provide that so they can't say they are adequately meeting his needs.

sleeponeday · 21/04/2016 01:34

Hahaha....years of experience...sorry to disappoint.

Oh dear, City. You seem to be labouring under the delusion that that statement disproves this one:

The children who attend school with my son ALREADY know more about disability than you probably ever will city and they are better for it, as is my family for having disabled members and my town, church and country.

It does not. If you knew anything worth knowing about disability provision in this country, you'd know that, too. If you bothered to come over to SN Children some time, and read some of the threads on there, you might actually learn something. But you don't seem interested in that, do you? After all, you know it all already.

SolidGoldBrass · 21/04/2016 01:43

I would advise OP to write to the school governing body regarding the appropriation of the calm room as a changing room. While the school may well be doing this out of a desperate need for extra space, and lack of funding, it's not really good practice.

There are also issues about designated funding/facilities and the use of them which might be an issue here: funding to provide help for a child with SEN has to be used in specific ways and the other pupils in the school cannot necessarily take advantage of the additional provision. School governors are there to be the 'next level up' appeal if a parent is unhappy with the school management team's response to a problem; they probably won't be able to overturn the exclusion immediately, but they can and will address the issue of the room provided for OP's DS being used for other pupils when the DS needs it. They can also get involved in pushing for a better changing room to be provided for the Year 6 girls.

Proudmumof2boys · 21/04/2016 02:08

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all

My DS has same conditions, but without the lashing out (touch wood) - IPSEA and SOS SEN have been really helpful.
The school have failed to provide a reasonable adjustment so surely the exclusion could be challenged.

Some of the views expressed on here just make my heart sink