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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not get the pill for a friend

32 replies

fassbendersmistress · 20/04/2016 11:02

Friend, let's call her Emma, went online last week to buy contraceptive pills. She was turned down because she ticked boxes confirming heart attack/disease in family. She hasn't bothered with GP as she thinks they'll do same. She's 44. She has asked me if I will go online and order it for her. I said no.

She is annoyed with me. I explained that I can't accept risk of the pill causing any kind of health problem, plus it just goes against what I believe is morally right/wrong.

She is having an affair and wants the pill to delay her period on a trip away with lover. This has nothing to do with my decision. I've been a supportive friend through all her marriage woes, and listened and advised without judgement. I'm really annoyed she's even asked this and not sure how to handle it. Maybe just ignore this request and move on. Or should I say something. I do feel like she's heading for a car crash....

OP posts:
Lifecanonlygetbetter · 20/04/2016 11:09

YANBU. She could die taking the pill, do you want to end up at an inquest explaining why you illegally provided her with medication? These things are prescription only medicine for a reason.

RaeSkywalker · 20/04/2016 11:10

YANBU, she needs to see her GP.

JacquesHammer · 20/04/2016 11:11

You did the right thing. IMO its nothing to do with the moral situation as that's not your business but more the situation that buying prescriptiuon drugs for anyone apart from you (or in situations where you are able to do so as a parent/carer) is bonkers

VioletTea · 20/04/2016 11:11

YADNBU and if she was a real friend she wouldn't put you in this position. Stick to your guns and if she continues to be pissy with you I would seriously question whether I wanted to be friends with a person like this.

Felyne · 20/04/2016 11:12

Well if she has a heart attack or some related medical issue on holiday her affair is going to be discovered for sure, isn't it? YANBU.

Gryla · 20/04/2016 11:18

I'm 39 - no other risk factors apart from age and it was a big deal for the practise to prescribe me the pill ( though they were pushing the coil option heavily) due to my age - I was given a very serious talk about when to seek medical support with possible side affects.

So no I don't think your being unreasonable - and I don''t think it very appropriate to ask a friend to procure contraceptives either she need to see her GP.

TimeOfGlass · 20/04/2016 11:19

YANBU. Ignoring the moral situation with the lover here, I wouldn't want to be responsible if someone had serious side effects from taking prescription medication I've given them either.

She needs to see her GP. It might be that there's an alternative contraceptive pill that she would be able to take.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 20/04/2016 11:20

Yadnbu

She needs to see the doctor who may well be able to offer her something as they can monitor her and can do an individual assessment.

carelesswhisper27 · 20/04/2016 11:21

YANBU.

If she wants it to delay her period for a holiday I've heard of women being prescribed tranexamic acid - not sure how viable that is with her medical history though. But maybe worth mentioning to her Smile

ColinFirthsGirth · 20/04/2016 11:23

YANBU and I don't think she should have ever have asked you.

Pinkheart5915 · 20/04/2016 11:23

Yanbu
She needs to go to the GP, at 44 years old you'd think she could go and talk to the GP about contraception.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 20/04/2016 11:26

She could have a stroke, your friend is an idiot. YANBU.

WoodleyPixie · 20/04/2016 11:27

tell her to go to Boots the chemist, they sell an over the counter tranaexamic acid, both times I have brought it I haven't been asked any health questions, just said I wanted to delay my period for holiday. its £7 a box, she will need a box and a half so 2 boxes.
www.boots.com/en/Boots-Cyklo-F-Heavy-Period-Relief-500mg-Tablets-Tranexamic-Acid-18-Tablets-_1178972/

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/04/2016 11:32

Yanbu, she's silly to ask and unreasonable to press the issue.

specialsubject · 20/04/2016 11:35

the answer is 'no', obviously.

periods don't prevent sex, just take an old towel with her. The other remedies may or may not work, everyone's body chemistry is different.

KitKat1985 · 20/04/2016 11:37

YANBU. It was unreasonable of her to ask you tbh.

shoeaddict83 · 20/04/2016 11:37

A real friend wouldnt even ask you to do this. YANBU in the slightest.

Itinerary · 20/04/2016 11:41

YANBU

Damselindestress · 20/04/2016 11:49

I think this is going to be a rare unanimous YANBU. Your friend is being irresponsible and putting you in a difficult position. Do not obtain the pill for her, there is a valid health reason she cannot be prescribed it herself and she needs to discuss other options with her GP. Is she reluctant to see her GP because they are also her husband's Dr and she is worried they will somehow reveal the affair? She shouldn't be because they have a duty of confidentiality. Or if she doesn't want to talk to her GP she could visit a family planning clinic although they would still update her medical records. Make it clear you are just concerned about her health not judging her but don't let her guilt trip you. What she's asking you for isn't appropriate.

ratspeaker · 20/04/2016 11:57

There are other meds, mentioned above, that can delay periods.
She is an adult responsible for her own health and should understand that some things carry a risk or are not available, the website refused her for a reason, she shouldn't ask you to lie for her or make you responsible for her health.
If she went to her gp and said she was going away and wanted to delay a period Im sure theyd help. She doesnt need to say anything about the affair only that she doesnt want a period whilst away.

Original poster
fassbendersmistress · 20/04/2016 12:46

Thanks all. Just felt I needed reassurance this morning even though I kind of knew it's obviously NU. I've struggled with boundaries in the past and saying no is something I'm getting used to, hence the need to check.

Btw it probs wasn't clear, when I referred to morals I meant it's wrong to lie/pretend to be someone else...as opposed to cheating on a partner.

Going to check in on her now....

OP posts:
MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 20/04/2016 12:48

It is an offence for you to supply her with a prescription only medicine (though it is not an offence for her to possess it).

She is not in desperate need, she has other ways to deal with this as other posters have said. It would be ludicrous for you to break the law for her in these circumstances.

acasualobserver · 20/04/2016 13:30

I don't get why Emma needed you to be involved at all. Couldn't she just try again herself making sure that she didn't tick the boxes that got her turned down in the first place?

VestalVirgin · 20/04/2016 13:53

Is she suicidal? Healthy, young women have died from thrombosis because of the pill, and she's 44 and thinks it is a good idea to get the pill despite having been told she's at risk?

You are being a good friend by not assisting her in endangering her health.

Not sure it is possible to delay a period without getting the dangerous side effects of the pill, but really ... she isn't 14 and forced to deal with her period on a school trip (which is no reason to take the pill, but a reason to feign illness to stay at home, or was for me), she's a grown woman. Who could plan her trips so that she doesn't have her period during.

AdoraBell · 20/04/2016 13:58

You have done the right thing, regardless of why she wants the pill.

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