AIBU to want to keep this baby

[n0ne]

A little background: I always wanted kids and OH wasn't bothered, but in the end we had DD 3 years ago who he's absolutely smitten with, and is a great dad. Back in July I became pregnant again and he was horrified, despite being aware we weren't taking any precautions. He was convinced his life was basically over just when things were starting to get easier again (DD being manageable at 3) and wanted me to get an abortion. I very reluctantly agreed, but after a few days of agonising, I told him I couldn't do it as I'd resent him forever. So he accepted it, even started to be a tiny bit excited about it, but then I mc'ed at 12w.

Now I discover I'm pregnant again, again due to not doing anything to prevent it. I thought he would just accept it this time, but we're actually back in the place we were before. He doesn't want another, I don't want to abort. He accepts were weren't taking precautions but 'didn't expect' I'd get pregnant again so soon (somehow, magically). I say I can't abort it just because we were too stupid to be careful. He says he doesn't want a baby just because we were too stupid to be careful. AIBU?

Abortion isn't contraception!

If contraception fails, if you become pg ON contraception, if you are advised there is a medical reason to terminate, if your life suddenly changes SO much that you can no longer support another child... then maybe.

But it's not a form of contraception. You shouldn't be 'getting pg' and then deciding if you 'both want a baby'.

You both need to be more responsible. Good luck.

I should have included 'endangering the mother's mental health' in my list. sorry.

OP, I didn't mean to sound critical but are you really wanting a baby and 'hoping he will come round'? If not, take contraception!
If so, think about consequences if he doesn't. You become single parent to two and your dd faces family separation? Not great.

I hope you get to 'keep the baby' if that is what you want and he 'comes round' like last time.

I totally understand why the DP is getting a flaming, but the OP was also utterly unconcerned about contraception. If it's joint responsibility, why is it only the DP who gets the flaming here. The OP admitted that neither of them gave a toss about preventing another pregnancy, but somehow it's not her fault?

Seriously?? This is actual human life we are talking about - it's not a risk taking game. You have both been disgustingly selfish. Stop making babies and THEN making the decision if you want to keep them or not. Decide first what you both want and use protection in the meantime. For fucks sake grow up

This ^^ hits the nail on the head.

It's your body and your pregnancy, so your choice to keep it or not, exactly as you wish.

He is out of order in my opinion. You obviously want a baby so are happy not to use contraception. He is aware of that but still won't use contraception.

Why aren't either of you using contraception? What happens next? After you have the baby or not?

Seriously are you going to keep having unprotected sex?

itsonlysubterfuge

This may have worked for you but might not work in the future. It is EXTREMELY risky. Not all women have this "small fertility window" in practice. There are women with normal average cycles who can get pregnant any time, e.g. straight after a period, 5 days after ovulation etc.

Contraception is the best option. I guess the OP never discussed it again because maybe it suited her to have another child? (regardless of whether this is right or wrong)

I agree with the poster who mentioned vasectomy

You both sound like idiots TBH, what were you both thinking?

My teenage dds abs their boyfriends are more responsible than you both sound.

You both need to grow up.

Stop making babies unless you both want to.

To the poster using her fertility window. You will eventually get pregnant. It's extremely unreliable

I'm not sure why it's just the OPs DP being criticised here. By not using contraception they both knew the risks. OP must have known how her DP felt about having another baby. Why didn't any of them take steps to prevent it?

I'm not sure why it's just the OPs DP being criticised here. By not using contraception they both knew the risks.

Plenty of posters have criticised both.

i used to think i didbt want no more kids but i had a stillborn just over a week ago,now id givw up all the material stuff in tge world for another baby, they really are a blessing. But im taking a few years out get my body in shapw and my head sorted out first. Id never abort for my husband i dont see it as a form of cotraception.

if you really want the child go ahead. You will carry the baby for almost a year, you will go through the pain of labour and do the lions share of the rearing too. Id be prepared to kick out my husband. If he didnt want children he should have been responsible and used contraception.

I think her partner wanted a baby but now hes got cold feet why ekse wouks he be so lax with contraception. Ive not criticised op becayse sge ckway wanted kids. I hate how the onus of contraception is always placed on women men shoukd taje responsibility too, especially if theyre hellbent on no kids.

As ArcheryAnnie says it's your call.
Sounds as though you've already decided not to have a TofP
DP doesn't get an equal say on things in this case - though he could have taken equal responsibility for contraception if he'd chosen to?
Your body, your choice.

I'm so sorry for your loss Kat

juggling thank you ;)

I think both of you have been very silly where contraception is concerned, as adults you both should of been careful with this.

Anyway, , I wouldn't be bullied in to an abortion but your dh doesn't sound great an abortion is something that wouldn't even enter my dhs mind. So if you go ahead with the pregnancy I think you need to have a serious think about your relationship.
If you want to stay with him and continue with the pregnancy you neeed to accept he might never come round to the idea

I'm completely pro choice, but I think it's disgusting for a man to put pressure on you to have an abortion, when he knew full well that you weren't using any contraception. abortion not risk free for the woman physically or emotionally. I expect that he will be booking a vasectomy now that he knows about the birds and the bees. He sounds awful.

It doesn't seem like a wise choice for you to have chanced getting pregnant with him knowing the way he thinks.

Favabean retread my post I said op or her DH could use contraception. What's to say op told her DH she was on contraception but didn't use it?

I'm sorry to hear about your little angel Kat

u guys are too kind thanksdummy

OK, so let me understand it:

Your partner doesn't want any children anymore.
Yet, he has unprotected intercourse with you. When you get pregnant, he wants you to get abortion.
You are having intercourse with him, knowing he doesn't want any children and you aren't using any contraception.

Is this a wind-up or are you serious? Also how old are you both? 15 or 16?

first of all, are you both 12 and unaware about how babies are made??

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. You are BOTH being U to not use contraception - you because you KNOW he doesn't want another baby, and him because he's a tool to stick his dick in you without contraception when he doesn't want a baby (and when he knows you do).

Its a mess.

Personally I think the desire NOT to have a baby should take precept over wanting a baby i.e. to use contraception and not actively try for one. However, to force someone who wants a baby ,to have an abortion because you weren't using contraception but you don't like the outcome, is really fucking shitty.

ApplePaltrow - a spot-on summary.

Katarzyna,