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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

504 replies

NatureRun · 18/04/2016 08:00

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it Shock He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him Blush

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
bearleftmonkeyright · 18/04/2016 16:15

I do congratulate the OP for posting this. It is a proper Aibu post. I like it when everyone is on either side of the fence.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 18/04/2016 16:16

Grin at some of these responses. Jeez.
I can't imagine a day where I would be so entitled to ask someone to pay for my dry cleaning because their baby dirtied my jacket!

I'd be more pissed off at a dog doing it though. I don't like dogs. But I still wouldn't demand the owner pays my dry cleaning bill!

Oysterbabe · 18/04/2016 16:20

I like it when it's divided too. There should be a poll button where you can vote so we can keep count.

dowhatnow · 18/04/2016 16:20

But it's the same with a dog. If my dog was just standing there and somebody came up too close and got their coat dirtied. Tough, their fault. If I took my dog too close to somebody who was there first then that is my fault and responsibility.

Arkwright · 18/04/2016 16:28

I think you should have paid up. Your child made the mess.

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 16:30

I don't think coatigans are appropriate wear for important meetings

Furiosa · 18/04/2016 16:38

Taytocrisps I know! I've never had anything dry-cleaned before!

MN 'tis a silly place.

Also I'm constantly reading "coatigans" as "contagions"

OohMavis · 18/04/2016 16:44

Christ people are so precious these days. Yanbu.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 18/04/2016 16:44

Think this AIBU is actually the solution to world peace.

All who think the OP is BU go and live in one half of the world; all who think the OP is NBU go and live in the other half.

Happy days. SmileGrinWink

TennesseeDays · 18/04/2016 16:49

I don't think it was your fault.

However, IMO social convention dictates that if you, or person you are responsible for making a mess of something, you should offer to clean it REGARDLESS of whether it was an accident, or preventable or whatever.
It also dictates that the person whose belongings have been damaged should usually accept your apology and brush off your offer to pay.

The end result is the same, but everyone feels better about it all.

The coatigan woman in this case was very unreasonable because she shouted at you and demanded you pay as though you had done it deliberately.
You were unreasonable because you didn't offer to pay.

mrsrobayo · 18/04/2016 17:00

YANBU. How on earth do you "control" an 8 month old? They're sticky and grabby, and even before we had DS I had experience of children and babies in a public setting so would expect this if I was sat nearby.

MrsDeVere · 18/04/2016 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topofthemorning3 · 18/04/2016 17:01

YANBU - can't believe that people think this was your fault.

I have an 8mo - they are unpredictable at this stage - it's impossible to hover over them in the event they do something babylike - how ridiculous! Plus this woman decided to sit near you in an area which was already overcrowded. You had no control over those 2 factors.

As an aside, I was in a cafe recently with a gang of kids (mine and DSis's) from babies to 8yo. A man behind us dropped a scalding cup of black coffee on the floor which splashed us adults and slightly caught the babies - for some reason he thought this was funny and made no moves to clear it up/ apologise etc. In that situation, I saw red, cue outburst from me for the fact that it was a near dangerous miss from causing a horrible accident.

It puts a bit of prune juice into perspective maybe?! No harm done :)

Ceic · 18/04/2016 17:03

resisting temptation to do stats for poll

The woman didn't give you the chance to be nice about it - she began by shouting at you. Therefore, YANBU to not offer to pay. I wouldn't offer to pay to someone like that either. I would have still offered to help clean her coat with a baby wipe.

If she had managed to be more civil to you in her upset, then you should have offered to pay. But she hadn't so you didn't. Seems about right.

Flashbangandgone · 18/04/2016 17:03

YANBU... Firstly, you've said you would have offered to apologise if she wasn't so rude, so I'm not sure why you're getting so much " you should have offered to have paid".

If you're OK to throw your coat over the back of your chair in a coffee shop in grabbing distance of a baby, you clearly aren't too precious about it, and if clothes getting dirty is just what happens to clothes that get worn in public in a busy cafe in a busy town centre...

Also, bemused why 'dry cleaning' is seen as the only viable option. Even if it was dry clean only, surely it depends on how 'dirty' it was. Surely sponging clean would be the first option?.... or maybe people's dry cleaning bills are a lot higher than mine!

Ceic · 18/04/2016 17:06

I am also suspicious about dry-cleaning being the first and only option to clean the garment? Doubt that!

Snapey66 · 18/04/2016 17:06

..she was asking for it 😂 .
An apology should be enough .
Who sits near a baby when they're feeding !?!? (New mother)

Capricorn76 · 18/04/2016 17:16

You apologised that's enough.

This reminds me of the time a man kicked off on the tube after another guy stepped on his new shoes on a crowded carriage. He kept shouting 'you've ruined my £300 shoes'. It was embarrassing. You shouldn't wear such expensive or delicate outerwear if you can't cope with them getting scuffed or dirty.

She should've at least tried to wash it off in the loo or something. It's unfortunate that it happened and I wouldn't be happy if I were in her shoes but I'd never demand you pay for dry cleaning. I'd just chalk it up as a shitty thing to happen and fix it myself.

Capricorn76 · 18/04/2016 17:16

...and kick myself for putting something precious in reach of a baby.

KayTee87 · 18/04/2016 17:19

I would have accepted the apology and probably laughed if I was her. I would never ask someone to pay a dry cleaning bill for what was clearly an accident.

KayTee87 · 18/04/2016 17:22

BUT you can't expect other people to notice you're feeding your baby. She still shouldn't have shouted and demanded money, embarrassing.

whamfan · 18/04/2016 17:26

Slowlygettingthehangofthings You are spot on! Not OP's fault. YANBU

wombattoo · 18/04/2016 17:41

I find it strange that the baby swivelled round in it's seat, grabbed the coatigan and wiped it's own mouth. Such a tidy baby. I don't think the garment could have 'swished' in the baby's face when the wearer was sitting behind. Confused
OP has started a contentious thread and never returned.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/04/2016 17:43

Exactly wombat.

EveryoneElsie · 18/04/2016 17:44

Its irrelevant whose 'fault' it was, if any. Theres no need for any blame culture or finger pointing.
It was you baby, offer to pay the bill.
Same as if your dog dirtied someones coat, or your kid kicked a muddy football at them.

Just do it.