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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

504 replies

NatureRun · 18/04/2016 08:00

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it Shock He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him Blush

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/04/2016 14:23

I am afraid I think YABU. You don't just have to watch babies and young children, you have to anticipate where they are going to wipe their messy hands and faces, especially when out, or in someone else's house. I don't think it's fair to expect total strangers to anticipate it for you.

coconutpie · 18/04/2016 14:24

YABU. Your child messed up someone else's property. You should have offered to pay and have some brass neck for refusing. Now that woman will have to go and pay for dry cleaning caused by YOUR child.

gandalf456 · 18/04/2016 14:25

the trouble with babies and toddlers is that they are so unpredictable that you can't anticipate everything

gandalf456 · 18/04/2016 14:26

I don't think I would have anticipated it either when my first was a baby. We all get caught out occasionally. I saw someone get caught out in the supermarket the other week when her toddler grabbed some eggs off the shelf....these things happen

fascicle · 18/04/2016 14:37

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
You don't just have to watch babies and young children, you have to anticipate where they are going to wipe their messy hands and faces, especially when out, or in someone else's house. I don't think it's fair to expect total strangers to anticipate it for you.

What OP couldn't be expected to anticipate, and react to instantaneously, was a woman occupying a space where one wasn't supposed to exist, right behind her baby, and the woman placing her coatigan within easy grasping distance of her baby. Had OP arrived after the woman, no doubt she would have factored in a suitable amount of space.

(Anybody else getting a Michael Finnigan earworm when they read coatigan?)

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 18/04/2016 14:37

Why should the OP be out of pocket because some silly woman sat too close to her child?

gandalf456 · 18/04/2016 14:42

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER (Anybody else getting a Michael Finnigan earworm when they read coatigan?)

I officially hate you now. Grin
Wink

TutanKaDashian · 18/04/2016 14:49

'YANBU. Shit happens, you apologised'

GrinGrin Lol, this made me laugh. With a prune purée you'd hope 'shit happens'

As for the situation, YANBU, you apologised. She needs to get over it. **

kimhp · 18/04/2016 15:34

YANBU! Tough if she wanted to join her friends. You were there first. You were feeding baby first. If she wants to squeeze into gaps of grabbing distance that's her problem. I think i would of been made a point of telling her you'd pay but as she was being rude and you were obviously mortified then she can swivel.
The cheeky cow

lucyandsi · 18/04/2016 15:36

Kids will be kids, if it was my coat I'd of just accepted the apology - these things happen after all it can be washed. -I don't dry clean my own clothes so wouldn't expect anybody else to!

Spoopy · 18/04/2016 15:36

YANBU your DS is entitled to his personal space and she crowded in. She would not have done the same to an adult.

dowhatnow · 18/04/2016 15:48

YANBU

You were there first. She was responsible for positioning her chair where she did. It wasn't even in the normal space at a table.

It would be a different matter if she was already seated and you positioned your baby within her personal space.

RidersOnTheStorm · 18/04/2016 15:49

I didn't realise you could buy prune purée in coffee shops.

mrsfisher11 · 18/04/2016 15:54

YANBU at the end of the day it was an accident. Looking at it from both sides, she should be able to sit anywhere without fear of a baby wiping his face on her clothes. On the other hand you didn't know he would do that and these things happen in a split second. You apologised and she chose to be aggressive about it. I'm sure if she had said "don't worry, these things happen" etc etc, you would have offered to pay to get it cleaned. Don't worry, you won't see her again anyway and she sounds like a cow! Grin

EweAreHere · 18/04/2016 15:55

Wait. You were there first, and she flicked her coatigan thing in his face (accidentally) as she put it within easy reach?

She called his attention to it and squeezed in too closely to a mucky, feeding baby. That's on her. And shouting on top of it would have done her no favours with me.

I would not offer to pay for it. It was an accident, an avoidable one had she been paying attention. Controlling a feeding 8 month old in a high chair in public isn't as easy as her being aware of her surroundings.

Taytocrisps · 18/04/2016 15:55

Why do the clothes always need to be dry cleaned in these scenarios? Am I the only person who shoves all their clothes in the washing machine?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 18/04/2016 15:55

Oh OP why did you put this on MN?!
Of course you weren't BU to refuse to pay for her dry cleaning! She should have assessed the situation better beforehand:

-"If I put my coat too close to this baby who was already here before I came, chances are the baby will try and grab it. Best sit somewhere else so that doesn't happen" (That's what I would have done)

Or, in reverse, if you had arrived after her, you would think
-"If I put my baby to close to this woman who was already here before us, my baby might try and grab her coat. Best sit somewhere else." (Again, that's what I would have done)

She can't sit really close to you knowing what could happen and then start complaining about the outcome. She should have been a bit smarter in the first place.

You apologised (profusely). You don't owe her anything. Like you say, if she wasn't so angry with you, you might have been more likely to pay. She shouldn't have made such a scene.

dowhatnow · 18/04/2016 15:58

I'm sure if she had said "don't worry, these things happen" etc etc, you would have offered to pay to get it cleaned

I wouldn't have done. She positioned herself where she did.
Of course I would have offered if she was there first and I hadn't left enough room, but it was her fault for sitting too close, not the ops.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 18/04/2016 16:00

It was an accident and you can't be blamed for that.
If a bird shat on her precious cardigan, would she ask God for the dry cleaning bill?

BlueJug · 18/04/2016 16:07

You caused damage - you are liable. You should pay

BalenaSpiaggiata · 18/04/2016 16:09

Wow why in England do people act like babies and children have less right to be in public places than adults?! YANBU it was an accident, if it was an older child being naughty that would be completely different but you can't anticipate a baby's every move. She invaded the baby's space not the other way round. The woman sounds pathetic as do those who say I don't have any DC but basically I like being on mumsnet to slag off other people trying to raise them. TBH had she been polite I may have offered to pay for dry cleaning but as she behaved like a spoiled brat no way.

EveryoneElsie · 18/04/2016 16:09

YABU. If your dog wiped its muddy paws on someones coat, you apologise and pay for cleaning. Ditto your baby, your kids. No matter how rude they are.

chaseisonthecase · 18/04/2016 16:09

YANBU.

She should be grateful he only wiped his mouth on it. My DC have a food throwing splatter zone radius of around 10 feet.

(Thank you HV for encouraging BLW!)

bearleftmonkeyright · 18/04/2016 16:12

Yanbu. It is one of those things. I think the woman was ridiculous to have a go at you. If you drape something over a chair in a cafe anything could get spilt on it. Forget it. A busy cafe, these things happen. There is absolutely no way I would pay for her dry cleaning.

Xocaraic · 18/04/2016 16:14

Oh dear...prune stains can be a bu**er to get out.
Maybe her coatigan was new or a gift hence her shoutyness. She may be going through something awful so let's give the benefit of the doubt.
I see what you mean about her sliding a seat in when there wasn't one there to begin with. But, I do think the courteous thing to do would be to at least offer to pay to have it cleaned. Pre children I would have assumed someone would warn me if I was in striking distance of a baby or baby's grubby hands and didn't realise. I used to do that when my twins were in high chairs. I would apologise in advance and hope coatigan wearer would move away ;-)
I don't think I would have demanded you pay for cleaning, but I would have expected you to offer to have it cleaned.