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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can swear on Facebook if i want to?

80 replies

doubleginplease · 18/04/2016 07:24

Ive just been told off by my DM for saying 'fuck' on Facebook in the context of 'thank fuck for that', because she knows people who are on my Facebook friends list. My mum is a friend on Facebook too.

AIBU to think at the age of 34 I should be able to say a couple of swearwords on Facebook?

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herecomethepotatoes · 18/04/2016 07:34

At the age of 34 you should understand the difference between 'can' and 'should'.

If it offends your mother you should show her basic courtesy and respect and try not to.

Do you have a job? Likely to be applying for a new one?

Social-media checks are extremely common and posts with swearing and the like may well (can and should) count against you.

Oh, and status updates aren't as 'hidden' as you may imagine.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2016 07:35

No ynbu. Your mum needs to remember. You're 34 not 14. That's why I have nothing to do with Facebook and if I did. I wouldn't be friends on there with family member. I can tell you

YvaineStormhold · 18/04/2016 07:36

This is why I don't have my mother on Facebook.

It would be an absolute car crash.

She'd end up knowing me, ffs. Can't have that.

curren · 18/04/2016 07:39

Tell her to fuck off?

Follow with a Wink and a Grin so she knows it's a joke though.

This may not be the best advice.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2016 07:39

It effects people when applying for jobs. Well that's funny, Potato, as I've heard shop workers, NHS workers for example swear at work.

herecomethepotatoes · 18/04/2016 07:47

It affects people when applying for jobs. Well that's funny, Potato, as I've heard shop workers, NHS workers for example swear at work

Can I say more professional roles without being offensive? There's no way I'd want someone who swears on Facebook, Twitter or the like working for me. Many of the companies I've worked for have had strict social media policies and 'thank fuck for that' would warrant an unofficial warning, I suspect. Happily, I work with intelligent and professional people in senior roles so it's unlikely to happen. Think something along the lines of "would you be happy for a client to see this" before posting anything online.

I'd also ask an NHS member of staff or shop worker to watch their language if they swore in front of me; me being the customer.

GreatFuckability · 18/04/2016 07:50

If a company decided not to hire me based on my overuse of the word fuck on facebook, id be inclined to think we were not compatible to begin with.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2016 07:55

So someone could be fantastic for the job. Have all the required skills experience and quals but because of a four letter word on Facebook. They shouldn't be hired. You see this is why I detest Facebook. It's a total invasion of privacy.

Herewegoagainfolks · 18/04/2016 08:02

You are an adult and can make your own decisions regarding what is appropriate.

Be aware though that your Mother is unlikely to be the only person judging you for swearing on FB.

I would tend to agree Herecomes that it's not a great idea.

I'd tend to think that swearing on FB was a bit childish and unnecessary- although of course that may be cultural.

bloodyteenagers · 18/04/2016 08:03

Thank fuck I work with people with common sense to realise that one we are adults. And two don't go try prying on social media.

Herewegoagainfolks · 18/04/2016 08:04

Ilive that's just it though - it's not an invasion of privacy - you decide what to post and how to represent yourself to the world. Facebook is by its very nature not private.

Fairylea · 18/04/2016 08:04

If your privacy settings are very high you don't need to worry about what you say on your own status updates. You can make your status updates set to your friends only and if you only have a handful of friends on your list that you trust then you are as safe as sending a group text out to those people really (I have all of about 20 people on my friends list)! If you comment on others stuff where the privacy isn't as high or public posts then anyone can see what you say. If you know this and are aware of what you write there is nothing wrong with swearing on Facebook and your mum is being ridiculous. If she doesn't like it she can unfollow you!

I used to work for a head hunting recruitment agency for chief executive positions for large international firms. If you have a decent profile picture and all privacy settings set as high as possible then you can post whatever you like! No one will be able to view it.

Fairylea · 18/04/2016 08:05

(By decent profile picture I mean one that isn't you falling over drunk flipping your finger or whatever)!!

Aliasnumberone · 18/04/2016 08:18

I think people forget what Facebook actually is. It is a public forum essentially, if you post something you are broadcasting it to everyone of your friends and possibly wider depending on your privacy settings.

Unless what you post is something you'd be happy saying to everyone you're friends with face to face on an individual basis then don't say it OR have groups set up that you can post to instead of everyone.

I am pro choice, have Liberal leanings, support gay marriage in a country that does not, amongst other things and I simply don't post anything along those lines because I married into a very religious family and I don't want to offend them with a constant barrage of views that I know they would be offended by. They know my beliefs, I have made them clear but I simply won't deliberately go on about it online. Nor do I swear. They in turn don't bang on about their beliefs or tell me I'm damned to hell. It's simply respectful.

In RL I swart like a sailor, but that's beside the point. Facebook is not RL!

herecomethepotatoes · 18/04/2016 08:24

GreatFuckability

If a company decided not to hire me based on my overuse of the word fuck on facebook, id be inclined to think we were not compatible to begin with

We agree there. So I suspect would my peers. I'm the most junior in the team - they're all on 6-figure salaries.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost

So someone could be fantastic for the job. Have all the required skills experience and quals but because of a four letter word on Facebook. They shouldn't be hired. You see this is why I detest Facebook. It's a total invasion of privacy

They might but there's more to it than simply experience and qualifications. Professional conduct. Ability to judge situations. Reflect positively on the company. Work well as part of a team.

I'm not saying that you won't get the job, I'm saying that it's certainly a con to be taken into consideration and all other things being equal, you'd lose out.

Facebook isn't an invasion of privacy as any user completely agrees to its T&C. I agree that it should be treated as public rather than private and as such, anyone with a professional aspect to their life, should act on it as they would like to come across at any other point. The same goes for all online activity. It's naive to think there's much anonymity on the internet. I don't have a Facebook account as just tagging me in a photo where I'm looking worse for wear is a negative.

Slightly off on a tangent but a senior manager was told to resign due to drink driving conviction. He is / was very well known within the industry and it would have reflected badly on the company.

albertcampionscat · 18/04/2016 08:28

I do love the idea that intelligent professionals don't swear. To quote the very distinguished Sir Richard Mottram 'We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department is fucked. It's been the biggest disaster ever and we're all completely fucked.

bloodyteenagers · 18/04/2016 08:29

Drink driving and the word fuck have nothing in common. One is a criminal activity and a lot of companies don't want to employ criminals.

TheNaze73 · 18/04/2016 08:30

It's only Facebook. Do whatever you like

herecomethepotatoes · 18/04/2016 08:35

albertcampionscat

I do love the idea that intelligent professionals don't swear

If you're suggesting that that was my idea, you couldn't be further from the mark. They don't do it in what is essentially a public space.
___
bloodyteenagers

Drink driving and the word fuck have nothing in common. One is a criminal activity and a lot of companies don't want to employ criminals

I did say there was a tangent but they are similar insomuch as they have zero effect on the persons ability to do their job but do bring the company into disrepute and affect its image.

pippistrelle · 18/04/2016 08:39

It's about taking your audience into consideration. It's rarely appropriate to run down a street swearing at all and sundry, but if you swear on Facebook without limiting your audience first, that's essentially what you're doing. So, I wouldn't swear loudly if I were, say, travelling by train with my mother, but I might if I were in the pub with friends. Modes of communication are something we learn to change as necessary: that applies online as well as face to face.

Caprinihahahaha · 18/04/2016 08:40

Hahaha

My DH worked in an industry where all his peers earned six figure salaries. He hired staff regularly. So did I. An highly professional corporate industry.
The idea of not hiring someone because they posted
'Thank fuck for that' on their personal Facebook page is hilarious

I wouldn't hire someone who publicly corrected someone else's grammar. No one should have to work with people like that.

bloodyteenagers · 18/04/2016 08:41

I just love the idea that they would turn down someone as highly intelligent as Hawkings Grin

Original poster
doubleginplease · 18/04/2016 08:42

Funnily enough Im a HR Manager! And if anyone came to me and asked to start an investigation on a employee who said 'thank fuck for that' on Facebook that wasn't anything to do with their company, I'd tell them to find something more productive to do!Obviously calling their managers names and the slandering the company is different.

Im on complete lock down on Facebook and I've got a fake profile to periodically check myself. So I'm covered on that one.

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Original poster
doubleginplease · 18/04/2016 08:46

Im surrounded my highly intelligent and qualified (they aren't the same thing!) people all day and I've heard some very colourful language. Incidentally thats the sort of thing my mother says (who has no qualifications, has worked in an unskilled job all of her life and isn't the brightest tool) "You wouldn't catch a Doctor swearing!'. My Dentist DH swears all the time, not to patients admittedly.

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Original poster
doubleginplease · 18/04/2016 08:48

Good point Pippistrelle!

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