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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is bloody rude or am I just a boring cow?

104 replies

booitsme · 17/04/2016 23:13

Out for dinner today and a cereal offender asked me a question and and literally seconds in to my reply stops eye contact and starts listening to another conversation at the table! She has done it on so many occasions. Nobody else does it to me. Our relationship isn't such that I can pull her on it each time so occasionally I have said sorry am I going on a bit... She just looks confused on each occasion as if we had never had the previous conversation. I think it's so rude. 😡

OP posts:

Trainymctrainface · 18/04/2016 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 23:35

She's lucky to be so skinny at her age though. She must eat lots of vegetables, Fruit & Fibre.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 18/04/2016 23:43

Agree with the pp who said you need to grow a pair.... she'll be quaker(ing) in her boots.

I'll get my coat .....

fatmomma99 · 18/04/2016 23:57

From your last post, OP, it sounds like she actually does want a relationship with you.

I've got friends who I'm not like but admire who are very good at "naming" things. You have identified your issue, and you are clear about what hurts you and why.

So can't you "name it", like the people I admire. Some examples of how I aspire to be but am not... She asks you a question, you say "do you really want to know, you usually don't listen", or (as PPs have said, stop talking when she stops listening) or (and this is REALLY assertive) when she stops listening say "you really aren't listening, are you!").
You can (my friends DO. I generally don't, but I have aspirations) name your issue and draw attention to it. What they then do is up to them!

UpsiLondoes · 19/04/2016 00:11

I'd take her hand in mine, lean closer and wih a very concerned voice, "are you alright, dear?"' It's just that I was mid-sentence answering your question and you turned a round and started speaking with X. Did you not hear me? Are you having problems focusing on what people say? It's just that well, it's not the first time you've done this.... I'm a bit concerned. When was the last time you've seen your GP?"

Kill her with fake kindness.

Chippednailvarnish · 19/04/2016 00:14

Op you have taken all the jokes with such good humour! I hope you come up with Al-plen.

Quook · 19/04/2016 00:18

I'm finding the increasingly desperate attempts at making cereal puns hilarious. The more rubbish they are the more they are making me laugh.

WhoaCadburys · 19/04/2016 01:31

How very rude Quook. You come up with some if you think it's O (ats) So Simple.

WhoaCadburys · 19/04/2016 01:34

In fact if you don't like them then bugger off. Off you pop. Tart.

Quook · 19/04/2016 01:41

olympicsrock · 19/04/2016 04:23

Oh bugger I have just had to go and get a bowl of cereal after reading this thread. She just sounds socially inept OP.

Original poster

booitsme · 19/04/2016 08:38

Can't think

I offended my dh as I couldn't face another meal of being asked questions and ignored. We arrived first and I said I fancied sitting between children and not on end where I knew she would sit. He was upset and said it was unnecessary and he knew it was because I didn't want to sit next to his mum and I have a problem with her. I've told him what she does but he says I'm paranoid and he's never seen her do it. He's got a short memory as he has seen a couple of times and pulled her on it and said mum boo was talking to you. But it's his mum and he loves her and I respect that and so he doesn't want to hear it. She's not going to change.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 19/04/2016 08:48

So he's ignoring you too

Original poster

booitsme · 19/04/2016 17:53

No springy he's not ignoring me too. I think he actually gets fed up with the stuff she does but also loves her dearly so doesn't want to hear it. Most of the time I just let things go but other times I moan. He's usually ok but sometimes he doesn't want to hear it. I'm far from perfect but I don't think I'm out and out rude and her behaviour is sometimes rude.

OP posts:

oldjacksscrote · 19/04/2016 19:29

My MIL does this too, or starts a new conversation midway through my reply so when I see her now I just give 1 word, very general answers so she doesn't get the chance to do it. Although sometimes I just nod and agree and don't really listen, it gives her less chance of upsetting me as she is complete twat.

UpsiLondoes · 19/04/2016 20:05

If he doesn't want to hear it and do anything about it, he doesn't get to be offended at you for taking offensive steps to prevent her repeated offensive behaviour. What, you're meant to sit there while she's rude to you in front of your family because he loves her? He loves you too, doesn't he?

UpsiLondoes · 19/04/2016 20:06

For taking defensive

RunnerOnTheRun · 19/04/2016 20:08

She sounds a bit Special K.

Lovemylittlebears · 19/04/2016 20:13

Could you give her a mars bar? Lol anyone remember that thread... Still warms my heart

Nassau · 19/04/2016 20:18

If she does it again say (just slightly louder) "so I killed her". If she doesn't react say it louder next time. If she turns and says "what?" Just smile and start a different conversation.

Original poster

booitsme · 19/04/2016 23:17

Nassau 😂

Thanks all. I'll practice the suggested responses to being cut off! I need to practice as last time I did something similar I silenced a room full of people. One bil whose quite snotty and thinks he's a cut above everyone else, was visiting from his 'much better new country abroad,'
and kept Commenting my dh had got fat. Eventually I had had enough and said, 'x you are so predictable I told dh you'd go on and on about his weight. Fortunately he can lose weight but you're stuck with that ugly face!' I smiled and then realised there was tumbleweed and whole room silent! Dh said nobody laughed because I was clearly raging! Mil didn't ignore me that time! 🙈😬

OP posts:

Janecc · 19/04/2016 23:43

I'd feel like saying "shut up you (pop) tart". But seriously this is rude. Agree with a pp about saying she looks gaunt and asking her if she's unwell.

Rhythmisadancer · 20/04/2016 13:57

Cereal? She'd be toast if she did that to me

WonderingAspie · 20/04/2016 14:15

I have a friend who does this. If I am talking to her and anyone else is in the vicinity or comes over mid conversation, she will literally turn around and ignore me or cut me off to talk to them. I just don't talk to her much anymore. I'd do the same with your MIL, don't sit near her and speak to her as little as possible. It's bloody rude and I hate this type of stuff.

wol1968 · 20/04/2016 15:48

I have been known to pointedly stop my conversation mid-consonant and walk away whenever someone does this to me. Primary school gate mums are the worst for this - they come over all friendly and then once you start seriously responding to them they look over your shoulder and say hello to someone else. RUDE.

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