Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think this is bloody rude or am I just a boring cow?

104 replies

booitsme · 17/04/2016 23:13

Out for dinner today and a cereal offender asked me a question and and literally seconds in to my reply stops eye contact and starts listening to another conversation at the table! She has done it on so many occasions. Nobody else does it to me. Our relationship isn't such that I can pull her on it each time so occasionally I have said sorry am I going on a bit... She just looks confused on each occasion as if we had never had the previous conversation. I think it's so rude. 😡

OP posts:

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 07:54

If she's staring at your body she may be sexually frustrated. Maybe she's not getting her oats!

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 07:57

She sounds like a honey monster puff. Try and germinate a relationship with your FIL instead.

FruStefanOla · 18/04/2016 07:58

boo, I have a friend who is just like this - the ignoring, not the staring! She'll ask you a question, you start to answer, someone else interrupts (rude!) and she completely switches off what you're saying and joins in with the 'interrupter' - if you do attempt to finish your answer (after the interruption) she, too, just looks at you blankly.

It used to be one of her DC, when younger ( aged about 9, 10, 11 ish); so I eventually gave up attempting any meaningful conversation with the DC around. But I've also realised we have a couple of 'interrupters' in our adult social circle, so the combo of the 'ignorer' and an 'interrupter' means that anything I might have to say is doomed.

As they're not family, it's been easy enough for me to cut down on how frequently I see them - and when I do see them I just resign myself to letting them get on with it amongst themselves.

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 08:04

Sorry OP - maybe start again . It must be annoying. Is she nice other than this? Is it just social inadequacy? She may have a food disorder of some sort and be over focused on the bodies of others.

I know someone who does this and looks over your shoulder to see who is coming - I avoid her like the plague.

MsBlandingsBuildsHerDreamHouse · 18/04/2016 08:12

Do you know what? The way you've taken the cereal pasting shows that you're clearly rather lovely with gracefulness, a sense of humour and a sense of proportion too.

I think she's the one who's missing out by not listening to what you have to say.

NicknameUsed · 18/04/2016 08:32

Agree MsBlanding

DixieNormas · 18/04/2016 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 18/04/2016 08:54

The things she's asking you OP are they thing's you could give Yes,NO,Maybe answers?That might start stopping her in her tracks.

With the going on about food and people's weight it is her that has the issues,I know it's not nice for you and everyone else,I grew up in a household like that and I was tiny,I ended up becoming anorexic in part because of that.

I loved my Mum to bits but she did both the things your MIL does.

Original poster

booitsme · 18/04/2016 13:42

Thanks everyone ive even re-read the cereal offender gags - they made me laugh so much last night! 🙈😉

It is a difficult relationship. I know she wants us to be closer (has no daughters and would dearly have loved one). I often feel sorry for her that I'm her daughter in law because I do keep her at arms length and only see her every couple of weeks (at best) even though we live close. I think she gets resentful of this and has (co-co) pops at me when she sees me. I still think the cutting off stuff is unintentional. I don't pull her up on the behaviour because I actually feel guilty that I don't make more effort with her and so I'm always nice to her. She often sends me an email after we've seen each other saying she's enjoyed my company and thanks etc. It's as if she knows she was bad but couldn't help it. I by that point am fed up and don't want to go near her as she's snipped at me, and stared and cut me off and so the cycle goes on. I have 2 sons and genuinely feel sorry for somemil's of daughters. I think it's a very difficult path to tread. I think she just doesn't know what to do with me and I'm quite happy to stay away and I'm very close to my mum so happy with the status quo. Husband takes kids around without me as I work. I do remember a call after midnight once and hearing mil saying to husband (whose a plumber) that their heating had gone off and he said he would come straight round. I was annoyed and said that they were being selfish, couldn't they stick an extra duvet on until morning. DH said it was my mum on the phone. Anger immediately dissolved and I said what a great dh he was to hurry around and send them my love! 😳 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

booitsme · 18/04/2016 13:45

ohtheholidays I'm pretty sure she either has an eating disorder or at best is obsessed with her figure and calorie control. She's self conscious of her looks. Without being cruel she knows she's not facially particularly attractive. She has said she wishes she had had a pretty face like me. I think she honestly looks at me and others and things you may be more attractive but I've got a good figure and you haven't. I think it's something she can feel proud of and that nobody can take away from her.

My sister has an eating disorder and is already nervous about a forthcoming event as she knows mil will stare. I plan to ask husband to make sure she doesn't whisper or comment about sisters weight increase!

OP posts:

Quook · 18/04/2016 13:59

Does she cut you off when you are speaking with her one on one when there is no one else there?

Original poster

booitsme · 18/04/2016 14:39

No Quook only when others there. It's like she needs to be polite but she's desperate to hear what the other person is saying

OP posts:

JessieMcJessie · 18/04/2016 14:49

Sounds like you actually get on quite well with her. Could you maybe have an open conversation about it, along the lines of "Betty, you're not listening to me, are you? I've noticed you do this quite a lot and to be honest I find it quite hurtful." She probably doesn't even realise she's doing it and might make an extra effort not to once it's been pointed out.

Tell her she needs to pay you more than a muesli little bit of attention?

Original poster

booitsme · 18/04/2016 15:11

Oh Jessie 🙈

'Tell her she needs to pay you more than a muesli little bit of attention?'

We are polite and friendly on the whole (when she's not cross with me and can't hide it) but I think there's issues under the surface. I suppose I don't say that as I don't want her to say, "and while we are being open, you are a pants dil who makes absolute minimal effort and no attempt to make me part of your life and invite me to your home etc...'

OP posts:

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 23:06

People are really milking the cereal typo.

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 23:07

If she doesn't bowl you over, keep her at a distance.

novemberchild · 18/04/2016 23:09

Exactly. She shouldn't need to be spoon-fed basic manners.

bigredtractor · 18/04/2016 23:09

That would make me do my (Crunchy) Nut...

SwingingFromTheChanderlier · 18/04/2016 23:14

So rude! She sounds like Alpen in the neck, I'd start getting a bit Frostie with her to be honest....

springydaffs · 18/04/2016 23:15

oh god, I just turn away when people do this with me. I am simply not remotely interested.

Shred her.

CantChoose · 18/04/2016 23:17

Haha cereal jokes aside, I do this... Sorry 🙈 I struggle with hearing and filtering out other noises and really struggle to concentrate if there's too much background noise. Try taking her somewhere quieter!!
Alternatively, she's just rude...

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 23:24

A whole variety pack of answers here, OP.

Personally I'd just be ricycles with her if she did that with me. It's barley something you'd do to your worst enemy.

cantthinkofawittyusername · 18/04/2016 23:30

Wow, she sounds exactly like my MIL! - the ignoring bit. She also asks me something, but then after a few seconds butts in to conversation that DH and FIL are having so that they have to stop to explain everything from the beginning. And then a few minutes later she asks the same question again. Repeat indefinitely. What's the point of me spending time and energy to answer her?
It's incredibly annoying and very rude.

After a while, I've just started to pretend that I don't hear her her. And I spoke to DH that he had to take care of her conversationally if he wanted to keep the family peace. OP, maybe you could talk to your DH to keep her away from you? If she's converstionally awkward/rude, chances are that she does this to others as well. What's your DH and FIL's take on her?

Does she also wrestle herself into every conversation you might be having with anyone else (like your friend you haven't seen for a while, or someone you've just met and are trying to get to know) just to begin a looong monologue about something random?

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 18/04/2016 23:30

I would totally shreddie her from my social circle.

WhoaCadburys · 18/04/2016 23:31

On the other hand, if you could Start being nicer to her there could be multig(r)ains when you need a babysitter, even if she is a bit of a Special snowflaKe

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread